Gloria Ikegbule
Salome Olajide-Buari is the founder of Blossom Etiquette and Manners. She is worried that the Nigerian society is fast losing its social values and the moral fabric that once gave us dignity as a people. Based on this, she is determined to help correct some negative attitude in children as well as fight corrupt attitude which have characterized the system.
Buari opines that to achieve this goal, parents and government should practice what they preach so that the young ones can emulate them.
As an etiquette consultant, what is your view about etiquette and why is it important now?
Etiquette refers to the codes that guide societal behaviour and relationship. It is exactly what people need to know in other to make their relationship with others better based on care and consideration. Etiquette is simply knowing the right thing to do.
Your seminars are mainly on Etiquette and Manners. Are they not the same?
They are related but not the same. ‘Etiquette’ is a code of behaviour guiding relationships and conduct in the society. ‘Manners’ is the display of a good heart. Etiquette could evolve as the society evolves but good manners never runs out of fashion.
Good etiquette should translate to good manners, not pride. Flaunt good manners over etiquette. What you know is the right thing to do should not prevent you from being kind and respectful, considerate and polite.
Some time ago, I read an urban legend that captures the difference between Etiquette and Manners. Queen Victoria had the opportunity to entertain another country’s dignitary at Buckingham Palace. During the meal, finger bowls were brought out and placed at each attendee’s setting. The dignitary, who was of a totally different culture, assumed standards of his own culture, so he respectfully picked up the bowl in both hands and drank the warm water.
“What would the queen do?” The members of her court also wondered and anxiously looked to her for her next action. Gracefully, she picked up her bowl in both hands and followed suit. That automatically changed the purpose of the finger bowl in that setting and for that meal. If Queen Victoria had not put manners over etiquette, she would have embarrassed her guest and her good etiquette would have stood against her in the world of kindness as bad manners.
Why are you interested in teaching Etiquette and Manners to children and young persons?
I teach adults too but I won’t deny my interest in teaching children. Children are the bedrock of any nation and if there is something good that can make a nation better, if children are not involved, then there is no posterity and the dream dies before it reaches maturity.
I also found a passion in my heart for these little lovelies. I can’t resist them. They are eager to learn and display all they’ve been taught. Their minds are open slates and fertile grounds for knowledge to blossom.
How can parents best communicate the lessons on etiquette to their children?
Parents can do this better by doing what they want the children to learn because children learn better by observing what happens around them and by imitation. Another possible way is to make the environment conducive for the children to do what they have learnt as a child is easily influenced by what happens in his or her environment. Teach them, expose them to activities that would help them but by all means, practise what you want them to. That works faster.
Whose responsibility is it to teach children manners at home?
Anyone in charge of the child can teach. Both parents have the joint responsibility to teach their children manners at home. Absence or a lapse in the training from either the father or mother is easily recognized in the child. That said, anyone responsible for taking care of a child, father, mother, aunty, uncle ought to teach that child manners.
Every parent wants well behaved children. How can a parent address a child with bad attitude?
Discipline is integral in the training of a child. However, it is important not to exempt firmness while also not being abusive.
What is social etiquette and how is it different from etiquette?
As I stated earlier, Etiquette refers the code of conduct guiding behavior and societal relationships. Social etiquette on the other hand, is simply the application of the code of conduct in interpersonal relationships amidst people living in the society.
In recent times there are schools of etiquette, do we really need such schools and why?
Schools of etiquette exist but a lot of people may be confused as to which school to stick to, for example, switching from the Continental to the American dining Etiquette. However, it is always advisable to be ‘at home’ with either school. To say we don’t need those Schools is to say no to the rules of etiquette, more so it appears to be generally accepted.
You take etiquette and manner seminars to schools. What is the reception and impact so far?
We have been to primary schools, secondary schools and universities. I must say that it has been well received in the schools that have entertained us, and the results have been tremendous. Children as young as to have been able to express their wishes in politeness while parents have been so pleased to the extent of inviting others, these success stories are essentially what warm my heart.
Food, shelter and money are the need of an average Nigerian. What impact can the lessons on attitude and manner have on our economy?
It helps us to see beyond having to always seek to meet the economic demand of daily necessities rather than expanding our reasoning tentacles to accommodate to meet the global realities that surround us. Besides, etiquette and manners is not status/class restricted, It is something that every “average Nigerian” so to say, needs to know about.
How can a government address the corruption attitude of her citizen?
One of the best ways a government could do this would be to live according to the standards it intends for the society to inculcate, Just like the saying “Do what you Teach” Another way would be for the government to improve her sense of being responsible to the Society. A society that gets what is needed from her government would be swift to dance to the tune of the government.