While toiling and making sure that all is well with the children and family generally, it is also important that parents take care of themselves too. Inasmuch as no one prays for any form of disappointment in life, be it from the children, illness or broken heart of various forms, there is need for one to be happy in life. It is so discouraging and heartbreaking that most parents sweat so hard and labour all day, only to pass away in misery. Challenges abound in life; parents go through a lot in raising children to enviable heights, sustaining extended family, dealing with vices at home and other problems they encounter in their businesses.
Take, for instance, the case of Dr. and Dr (Mrs.) Roberts, who were the cynosure of all eyes. They were focused on making a difference in their marital life. Both attended the training college for teachers before joining the public service, as primary school teachers who earned meagre salaries. Notwithstanding the low income, they struggled and eventually earned Doctor of Philosophy degrees. They lived within their means while raising the three children God gave to them. The wife was so prudent with money and careful with almost everything from food to wears and relatives from both sides. She wore very simple clothes, mainly skirts and tops. In essence, she maintained a low standard of living just to make ends meet. But out of the blues she was diagnosed with breast cancer and underwent radical surgery for complete removal of the breasts. As part of the treatment, she had chemotherapy, which led to loss of her hair and weight. Within a short time a once vibrant woman became a shadow of herself. Sadly, the series of chemotherapy treatments did not avail much as Mrs. Robert eventually died and was buried on her 56th birthday. Not for once did she have a moment to enjoy life as she spent time caring for others.
Parents, know it from today that you are entitled to life and should live it to the fullest, in a godly manner. Yes, it is your entitlement to live and have peace, joy and gladness in your heart. With full knowledge, it is also the duty of parents to raise worthy ambassadors, who will make a difference in the society. A good child gladdens the heart of parents. When a child wins academic laurels, parents celebrate; when they become sports ambassadors or attain any achievement in any field of human endeavour, the hearts of parents leap for joy and they give the glory to God. When children marry responsibly, it is the pride of both parents, but when they show irresponsible behaviour, they become sources of unhappiness. The truth is that worthy, responsible children make a difference in their parents’ life and gladden their hearts.
But in this Internet age, parents are not finding it easy raising their children. Mrs. Ibezim danced gloriously when her second daughter, Chinyere, got married. She said: “At least, my mind will be at rest. My daughter when growing up was so engrossed with phone and will never sleep all night because of midnight calls. It got so bad, her father bought her a six-inch foam mattress and kept in our bedroom, to monitor her. The moment we doze off, she would sneak out to use the phone.”
Lolade, teenage daughter of Mr. & Mrs. Anjorin, always got the food burnt because her attention was focused on chatting with friends on the phone and browsing. Mr. Pepples had always suspected his younger brother-in-law of watching pornographic films on the family television until it was discovered that the undergraduate son of the couple was the culprit. Really, social media is a major problem for parents today. However, parents should not yield to the temptation to resort to anger or uttering bitter words against their children.
In a recent chat, highly respected entrepreneur and Chief Executive of Coscharis Group, Dr. Cosmas Maduka, warmly recalled the memorable points of his journey to reach the enviable position he occupies today. Falling back on his own experience while growing up, he said: “A mother should clear her child’s way with prayers and good wishes while the baby is still in the womb.” According to him, unborn babies hear whatever their mothers say about them and that is why pregnant women crave for different edibles. While one is doing the very best with the growing ones, do not relent in talking and teaching with every available tool, listening to inspiring messages, reducing screen focus and finally, letting the knees, moving lips and tears from the eyes look up to God to fight the battle of making children turn out to be good and godly, so that it shall be well with all parents.
Interestingly, there is no parent that will deceive his or her own child. No parent does that. Instead, they want them to be the best, that is the reason they instil discipline, hard work, patience, love, kindness and respect, among other virtues in their children. Some children out of naivety allow external influences, youthful exuberance and peer group pressure to overtake their parents’ admonition, not knowing the level of embarrassment they put their parents through. At such times, will you kill yourself because you are a parent? Of course you will not! Instead, you should commit the situation into the hands of God and forge ahead with life. It is not an easy situation because it rattles parents, especially mothers. Some parents put all their eggs in one basket hoping that when their child raises his head, life would be a bed of roses; when such a child, whether boy or girl, becomes a master of lies, cybercrime specialist, mini-prostitute, young alcoholic, drug addict, night marauder, chain smoker, gambler, student scammer or robber, he or she becomes a bundle of embarrassment to the parents.
When Mrs. Ekong’s two sons, who were repatriated from Europe, were marched into a Black Maria as condemned criminals, every breathe of parenting left their parents immediately. The bond between parents and the children was broken and the shame finally killed their father. Their heartbroken mother said: “Only God knows what we planned for our sons, but they chose vices in life. We were not happy parents before my husband passed on to glory.” Another set of children who are giving their parents headache are those clothed with laziness. Though they have not graduated into bigger criminals, but their laziness breaks the heart. Some children live on the screen, either the Android phone or television. Agreed, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. But all play and no work makes him become a societal burden. Same laziness is eating deep into the fabric of the society. Most children do not like to be steadfast in their dealings, rather they want the easy way out. It has affected their academic work. Almost every word in the English language has been shortened for ease of use in texting on the phone. This has affected the ability of students to write simple correct sentences. Laziness is the reason they perform poorly when results are released by schools. Mr. Davidson practically drove his son away from the house because he failed WASSCE and UTME. “What else does he want?” muttered the father in frustration. “Michael practically refuses to sit up and study. We provide all the books he requires yet, he will not read them.”
I agree that children are works-in-progress but some of them are so lazy to do domestic chores. Stubborn children who give their parents headache and make them talk too much are in a category of their own. They are the ones who play recklessly and inconsiderately. Every opportunity is turned into play time. To some of these children, rough and simple play has so distracted them from their academic pursuit, which should be their primary focus from ages 8-21. Most of the poor results they bring home is not because they are dullards, it is because the appropriate time for study is wasted on frivolities.
How would you fathom a situation where a very responsible family was striving to raise six children but one was a layabout. The man, Thomas, loved and valued education but unfortunately he did not get it for lack of sponsorship. He developed himself to become a major printer, bakery owner and stationery supplier. Thomas sent his children to quality schools to give them the opportunity he never had. Five of them responded well all through their training and graduated; three got good jobs, while two joined him in his business. Fred, his third son simply refused to be responsible. At 26, Fred was yet to graduate or arm himself with a viable trade to earn a living. After passing through three different higher institutions, yet no result could be traced to his name. He was almost becoming the black sheep of the family. His mother, a teacher, gave up on him and chose to take care of herself henceforth. She would go to school well dressed and regularly visited the salon to make her hair. She simply enjoyed going to the spa. In fact, she once mentioned to a friend: “I am entitled to life. If I die today, Fred will continue to live his own life. While I commit his situation into the hands of God, I will live my own life.”
Dear parents, know it that every living being created by God is entitled to life. Do not let any challenge, be it children, health, relatives or whatsoever take away your own life. Whatever that makes you happy as a parent, enjoy it. Do not compare yourself with another person; everyone is facing his or her own challenge. Mothers do not cry all your life, find happiness, do your best and leave the rest for God to take care of.