In spite of and despite the cornucopia of negative traits evinced by most Nigerian politicians in speech, action and inaction, Politics Nigeriana -with its several positive vibrations- remains in its honour. A majority of our politicians kill, steal, destroy, excellencify nonsense and nonsensify excellence. We know because we see too many of them -bullies- carry on either as tin god or Satan incarnate. But, we also know because we also see the game itself -in holy anger- revolt now and again against these ungodly players.
That means whereas only a tiny minority of Nigerian politicians can be said to be -in POTUS Donald Trump’s voice- good people, an alarming majority of the electorate can take solace in Politics Nigeriana. What obtains between the game and its players is exactly what transpires between this country and its citizens. In order not to appear judgmental or as washing our dirty linen in public, a poser should suffice. Does Nigeria being a good country imply that Nigerians are good people?
While we are at that, let’s run back to winning ways. Politics Nigeriana carries itself gracefully and righteously, twenty-five hours everyday. It aligns with nature most times to reward welldoers or deal with evildoers. It reminds all that no human being is God and that nothing lasts forever.
I don’t want any trouble this year. So, I am naming no names. However, you can tie the situations I am about to capture to popular (no, notorious) characters and enjoy a good laugh. Nobody would know let alone hold it against you.
At this juncture, there’s something you should know. Politics Nigeriana in rather uncanny ways proves conclusively that notwithstanding its mostly evil human elements, it is a better virtual school and place of worship than most of our universities and worship centres. That is the point I have been labouring to make since. Politics Nigeriana teaches more and preaches better than our educational and religious ivory towers.
Unfortunately, this piece can only accommodate only a few of its blessings. Like life, the game does not suffer fools gladly. When its player superexalts him/herself, such a one is profoundly humbled. Where are all those ‘Egyptians’ you saw yesterday?
Where are all those leadership tormentors who posed as messianic mentors? Where are all those political purveyors who moaned empty sweet nothings from the bedrooms of power? And, where are all those pretenders to the throne who, in 1999, 2003, 2007, 2011, 2015 and even 2019, mouthed that they were born to rule and would die ruling? I know you know, but if you don’t I can tell you for free that Politics Nigeriana has not only brought them to their knees but also to their place -where they belong.
Furthermore, with its defining tit-for-tat strategy, Politics Nigeriana dwarfs our academic and religious systems the manner it pays back evil (or good) in equal measure. Incumbents mess up with their predecessors only for own handpicked successors, an apparent messproof future-guaranteed move to backfire, to throw them under the jackboots of the Golden Rule, reaping what they sowed. Tables turn and so-called election winners who poked depressing and suicidal fun at those they despised as serial losers are made in the course of time to taste defeat complete with the exact dose or overdose of the shame and the mockery they had dispensed. Politics Nigeriana raises the bar of what the Bible says in Proverbs 24, King James Version, ‘17 Rejoice not when thine enemy falleth, and let not thine heart be glad when he stumbleth: 18 Lest the Lord see it, and it displease him, and he turn away his wrath from him.’
You catch my drift, don’t you? Umbrellans and broomers who scorned or scoffed at each other in 2015 found themselves in 2019, to their eternal chagrin, exchanging political parties. Pray, is there a worse end-of-discussion shame than finding yourself doing, saying or holding the exact same thing for which you ridiculed others to no end? Clearly, Politics Nigeriana is the reality accentuation of the biblical warning embedded in Isaiah 60, King James Version (KJV): ‘14 The sons also of them that afflicted thee shall come bending unto thee; and all they that despised thee shall bow themselves down at the soles of thy feet; and they shall call thee; The city of the Lord, The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.’
This takes me to yet another talismanic signature of Politics Nigeriana. Occasionally, the game wordlessly outsmarts even those who think themselves powerful, connected, shrewd enough to wheedle or seize or cozen power anytime they want. At such times, the game turns against the favoured -enthroning the underdog who is then baptised and christened dark horse by the same selfish cabal. Whenever these latter day beneficiaries themselves would forget that road to Damascus, Politics Nigeriana would return to exorcise the little demon -and the beat goes on.
In case you didn’t know, that is the reason some of our political darlings who, upon taking office and not remembering whence they came and where they headed, lost out like play like play. Our national political history is replete with how betrayal or naiveté or weakness or injustice or arrogance was punished. Therefore, all those angling for Aso Rock, next turn, must consider Politics Nigeriana as an interested party. All those who think they are Alpha and Omega had better beware of the no-nonsense Politics Nigeriana.
2023 is for either the southeast to start their eight years or south south to complete theirs. The north cannot and shall not hand over to the north under whatever guise, nor should the southwest that already swallowed their eight years and rounding off another eight years as Vice President dare to display any greed. Politics Nigeriana shall intervene, otherwise. Let those who have ears hear or await the consequences.
God bless Nigeria!