You want to think that all you feel after getting engaged is a sense of completeness, of satisfaction, and of exhilaration.
On paper, this engagement should be a good thing. You have been dating your fiancé for a while. Your family loves him and his family loves you. You are of age to get married.
So then why do you find yourself, a few days after all the excitement of posting those engagement photos has worn down, feeling a sense of panic?
Why do you suddenly feel very emotionally distant and mentally disconnected from the man whom you felt completely in sync with just a few days ago? Does that mean this engagement was a mistake? Not necessarily.
But it could mean there are some things you should work out before the actual wedding day. Here are possible reasons you are regretting getting engaged.
You question your partner’s motives
You aren’t sure you trust your partner’s motives. You come from a lot of money or made a lot of money yourself. You may feel unsettled your partner is marrying you for financial gains or because they just want to have children.
It’s too soon
Maybe you got engaged too soon. If you have been dating for a few years, then maybe everyone has been asking, “When will you two get married already?” Everyone else seemed to think it was time so…you got engaged. But every couple progresses at their own rate. Outsiders shouldn’t have influence.
It might be a band-aid
Deep down, perhaps you know that this engagement is just a band-aid. You two have not been getting along. You haven’t felt close. In fact, you got in a big fight just a few days before the engagement. You know in your gut that an engagement shouldn’t fall on the heels of endless fightings.
It’s more about his family
It happens sometimes: you just love his family. He’s great but, really, it’s about those relatives. Perhaps you don’t have much family of your own or you have a toxic one and his family is the warm, loving hug you always wanted. You know it’s not fair to him to marry him for his family.
You don’t believe in marriage
Maybe you believe in this relationship, but you don’t believe in marriage. You would love to spend your life with this partner, but you don’t really believe in the institution of marriage. You are just doing it for him—but it feels like a lie to you.
You could use solo therapy
Perhaps you still have some personal work to do. You are almost there, but you still have some wounds to heal from past traumas even past relationships. You feel your fiancé deserves an emotionally healed individual.
You have been engaged before
Maybe it’s you who has been engaged before. And that didn’t go well. Were you left at the altar? Was your wedding called off at the last minute? Did you get engaged for the wrong reasons? Your muscle memory is telling you there’s a problem, again.
Being happy scares you
Some people are afraid of being happy. Marrying someone means forming a union and really becoming family with that person. Marriage indicates a new level of happiness and happiness puts you at risk of pain and loss.
Your attention has wandered
You aren’t proud of it, but your attention has wandered lately. You have had certain thoughts about other men or women. You have even flirted a bit. It could be because you are with the wrong partner or it could be a symptom of some issues you and your partner need to work out. Either way, it has you feeling unsettled.
It’s your partner or your career
You know in your heart that you will constantly have to choose between your career and the marriage because your partner doesn’t fully support what you do. You don’t feel you can talk to him about it. You don’t feel you can give your career the attention it deserves, if you are going to marry this man.
Your family and friends have concerns
You might be jittery because your friends and family have concerns about your engagement. If that’s true, maybe you should, too. Your friends and family know you well.
Marriage is a big deal
Don’t be too hard on yourself for having fears. Marriage is a big deal. Don’t immediately write off your engagement because you are worried. But take a look within and see if any of these issues could be at work.