You are welcome to this edition: “Some of the Internally Displaced Persons (IDPs) in Zamfara State, who fled their ancestral homes in the wake of armed bandits attacks are battling with….” (THISDAY, THE SATURDAY NEWSPAPER, April 29) Get it right: in the wake of bandits’ attacks

“Police detonate bomb in Kaduna” (DAILY INDEPENDENT Headline, April 14) As irredeemable as our policemen are, they cannot publicly detonate a bomb! What they do is to defuse it. Both the print and electronic media are guilty of this malapropism. ‘Detonation’ cannot be used in the reported circumstance: “Men of the Anti-Bomb Disposal Squad of the Kaduna State Police Command yesterday recovered and detonated another bomb at one of the gates leading to NNPC staff quarters….”

“More greaze (sic) to your elbow.” Beyond the spelling error (grease), it is ‘more power to somebody’s elbow’, but you can grease somebody’s palm if you have corruptive tendencies!

“Glo’s associates relieve Man U-Barca match experience.” Have a lovely week: relive. Even as an ardent supporter of the topmost English team, that was a mismatch now worsened by this local language poverty!

BUSINESSDAY WEEKEND Front Page Headline of April 13 circulated two embryonic blunders that remind one of dissemblance: “Rescued banks, investors in last minute (last-minute) rush to tie-up (tie up) deals”

“Ondo police discovers illegal arms factory” Police: plural verb always.

“But coming within a shared calender space of one another (a comma) it pointed to one fact….”  This way: calendar.

“Access Bank helped liberalized (liberalize) the supply end of the financial market.…”

“For a party and leadership that had barely swim (swum) out of the blemish of the corruption scam….” Furthermore, there is no need for ‘scam’ in the extract because of its dysfunctional input as it is clearly otiose: the blemish of corruption.

“From indications, many elected political leaders in our democracy are still basking in the thrills of election victories, copious weeks after they’ve (they’d) been sworn in.”

“An irate Nigerian wondered why the honourable members were not made to refund the N4,000 daily sustainance allowance.…” Get it right: sustenance.

“Shortage of such materials as stationeries for printing order papers….”  Some of the words that are uncountable: stationery, furniture, cutlery, heyday, jewellery, equipment and loot.

“In another incident, six suspected armed robbers, including a military personnel….” ‘Personnel’ is a collective noun.  Rite it right, as Dr. Adidi Uyo will write: a military officer.

“…that you will be sent to jail to rotten and regret the day you embarked on those inglorious acts of perjury and forgery.” Adjective: rotten; verb: rot.

“Compatriot Bankole, can you imagine the great rupture your imprisonment would have caused in the placid relationship existing between the three arms of the Nigerian government….” ‘Between the three’ again…? Just among the three, I beg you.

“The embarrassing development, according to a principal engineer who inspected the damages….” On Guard: ‘damage’ is uncountable except in legalese.

“…defence pact between two unequal partners which was well open to blackmail, curtailment of freedom of speech at the price of democracy. Yank out ‘two’ in the interest of linguistic currency.  Don’t depend solely on dictionaries (some of which tolerate a few of these embarrassing contradictions); be inquisitive and exploratory in language usage, which is the hallmark of developmental communication. I always advocate lexical modernism as a way of life.

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“Importers and customs agents may have deviced a new strategy to pay lower tariffs….” Noun: device; verb: devise (in Standard British English usage).  The excerpted muddle is the American version of it. The same thing applies to ‘advice’/‘advise’ and ‘practice’/‘practise’, among many other entries.

“This practice which makes the government to loss (lose) substantial revenue….”

“Therefore, confronting robbers who are armed with superior arms and ammunitions is only being irresponsible and foolhardy.” ‘Ammunition’ is non-count.

“Less than 5 per cent of Nigerians have assess (access) to telephone–even public telephones.”

“If two towns in every local government in the country is (are) provided with telecommunication facilities every month, within 4 to 5 years, the project would have been completed.”

“Philosophers literarily (literally) threw metaphysics through the front door and bolted it.”

“Firewood could just as well had (have) served as handsets.”

“Often, a simple telephone call could save lives that are needless (needlessly) shed on our highways daily.” A poser: is it lives that are shed or blood?

“A few weeks ago, an Abuja-based paper has (had) alleged that….”

“These brazen acts of banditry is (are) also enveloping secondary schools.…”

‘Even when he was answering questions from newsmen, he was still beaming with smiles.” Would the man have ‘beamed with a frown’? Please, delete ‘smiles’ to avoid morphological crises!

“Orji Kalu yesterday said President Muhammadu Buhari is not responsible for the marginalization of Igbos (sic)” Reported speech: President Muhammadu Buhari was not responsible for the marginalization of Igbo.

“He observed that the September 22 OPEC meeting would be a break-or-make event that would determine the way the price goes.” Fixed expression: make or break.

“In any case, there is no doubt that the actions and perhaps inactions of President Buhari since May 29, 2015, has (have) been giving a sizeable part of the South West serious concerns.”

“…force his friend to comply to (with) his own desires at the pains of being bundled into their horrendous cell.”

“Opposition parties raise alarm (the alarm) over rising tension in Benin Republic” (International News Headline, April 19).