Our Father who art in Heaven, I come to You today to pray against another shift in the 2019 polls, such as we experienced last week Saturday. I came to pray in compliance with Baba Dr Samson Olasupo Ayokunle’s directive. In fact, since Tuesday, February 19, the President of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) and I and other Christians who believe in the efficacy of prayers have been praying. If there should be any shift at all, let it be from our usual do-or-die politics to do-and-die ballot snatching, as our Presido has said.
Our Big Daddy in Heaven, as You must have heard, we your children down here on the part of the earth called Nigeria, waited in vain to vote and even traveled a long distance hoping to cast our votes, last week Saturday. But we were greatly disappointed when the announcement came from the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC), at about 3am when we were supposed to be sleeping in readiness for the election, that there would be no more election, for logistics (LOLgistics?) reason.
“The unfolding scenario on the political scene is not ordinary and there is a need for the Church to intercede for Nigeria,” His Eminence said through Pastor Adebayo Oladeji, his Special Assistant (Media and Communication). “I want you to pray very well this week against some evil forces that are plotting against the election. If it’s about the things we see in the spirit, I am not sure that elections will hold at all. We should rise up and ask for a transparent, free, fair and credible election that will even be better than those of 2015.”
It is in light of this observation and directive that I initially put my head on the ground and raise my legs in the air to continue to pray that there will be no postponement again in the conduct of the election. I also want to pray against political gerrymandering through the electoral process. In short, I come to You, today, to pray against the spirit of electoral mesmerisation. I come to Thee, Oh Lord, to pray against ‘the-more-you-look-the-less-you-see demons.
Our Father who art in Heaven although a part of His kingly loin cloth sweeps the earth, as You can see, in praying against another postponement, I have changed position to enable me sweat more while I pray. Whereas at the beginning of this prayer session, I put my head on the ground and raised my legs in the air, at this juncture I have decided to bend doubly over like a contortionist or gbonga fish, and to put my head in-between my legs in a way that makes it look as if it is trapped between them. They say that what the chicken is looking for under a heavy rain must be very important to it.
Our Heavenly Daddy, I assume this excruciating position in prayer because I believe that what I am asking for is important to me and my Brothers and Sisters in Crisis. Right now I pray there will be no more postponement. I pray that any attempt to shift the date will lead to a change in the 2019 calendar across the world. I pray that any attempt at such a change will lead to a shift not only in the international dateline but also in the equinoxes. I pray that it will lead to touch-and-die. I pray that as the officials or whoever are meeting to discuss about such possibility, the microphone would suddenly disappear into the thin air followed by the chairs and desks. I pray that their voice boxes will begin to collapse.
Oh Lord, anybody who will try to postpone this election again after we have stood in the blazing sun and become black-skin tanned in the process, in our bid to register and get our personal voters card (PVC), to cast our votes for the candidates of our choice as our Presido advised to do, let the transmitting station on which the announcement will be made catch fire and burn to ashes, let the TV station not show any image except cartoons. Oh Lord, let the printing machine of any newspaper that will want to print that spoil patapata. Let the distribution van knock engine. Let the vendors who will be waiting at the newsstand to sell the copy fall sick or be attacked by dysentery and cholera. And, if there is any online news publisher that may want to run the news, let there be no Internet network. Let the uploading system crashed beyond repairs. Let the hosting website be attacked by unheard-of viruses from the outer space.
Lord, one more request before I round off this prayer session. Many people are criticizing our Presido for mandating the security forces to shoot on sight anybody who may want to deny us our voting rights by snatching the ballot boxes, no doubt, at gunpoint and either stuffing them with their party’s own or burning and destroying them altogether. Many of our Brothers and Sisters in Crisis are not happy with our Presido for tacitly approving what they see as extra-judicial killing. But I can’t see the reason for the hullabaloo. On this one, I stand with my Presido.
To this end, therefore, I am praying that anybody who has such intention will not succeed in their mission. My Father, my Father, as they bring out their guns and want to shoot, may the triggers not work. And, if at all they work, may the breeches and the bullets inside them melt like ice blocks. And, as they carry the ballot boxes and want to run, may Your angels descend from heaven and kick their running legs together so much that they will fall and never get up. May they get bruises that will not heal till the 2023 general election. May the ballot boxes being carried by the angels be sent to INEC headquarters.
And, in a situation where the angels allowed the security forces to shoot on sight, may every bullet shot by them turn into ten more bullets in return. May the magic bullets paralyse the ballot box snatchers from the waist region downward. May the bullets make them blind as a laser beam would so much that they would carry the ballot boxes to INEC headquarters and confess and beg them for forgiveness.
Lastly, Lord, if anybody would stay in a hotel or wherever to write election results, may the pen not work. May the sensitive materials disappear and appear in TV station and be talking like human beings to reveal the names, addresses and parties of those who tried to write the results. As they try to allocate votes, may the greatest votes allocated switch sides and appear on the columns of the non-cheating party/parties. All these we ask of Thee in the Name of the Fodder, the Unsung and the Only Spirit. Amen.