Dear readers,
The issue of trust is a very serious problem that can very easily wreck a marriage. Trust issues can put strain on your relationship when doubt starts to surface. One common denominator in couples with this issue stems from infidelity. When one partner derails by having an affair, it creates a huge rift in the relationship and therefore very difficult to mend. With infidelity comes lack of trust, doubt, and unbelief in the other partner.
You no longer believe what your spouse says to you regarding certain issues. So, when he stays three hours later than usual at work and he tells you about it, your mind wonders all over wanting to know if he went back to that girl with whom he cheated. But, it might be possible that he was truly at work for a meeting, but you do not believe him.
So, sometimes you are confused as to how you can love this partner even though you do not trust him. The truth is that love and trust are very much connected, in the true sense of the word, if you love someone, you should be able to trust that person. You can overcome this issue by forgiving your partner so that you can heal.
How easy is this you may ask? The truth is that this will not be easy, but it is achievable.
The first thing you want to do is to trust yourself. Search yourself to make sure that you are not guilty of the same thing you are accusing your spouse of. Have you been unfaithful even though nobody knows?
Secondly, get yourself to the stage where you can forgive through compassion. Do not bring your past experiences, past hurts, or victimhood from your last relationship. Be prepared to forgive him totally so that you can heal. Until you get to this level, it would be extremely difficult to love him again and you will never heal wholly either.
Lastly, you must work on your relationship because if you do not, you will go right back to resentment and all your efforts will come to waste. There is no instant gratification in rebuilding trust; sometimes it takes months, at other times, it takes years. But you both must be willing to put in time and energy in making it work again. Try to deal with the insecurities by journaling everyday so that you can put everything in proper perspective.
And finally, learn to meditate and pray in order to experience peace that will help you to deal with your issues.
Good luck,
ν Dr. NJ