By Ifeanyichukwu Mmoh
There has been a sudden rise in the incidences of suicide lately, to the extent that there is now a sort of panic feelings that has left many wondering who the next victim could be. Although, suicide is not entirely novel, its sudden prevalence – in my opinion – is due largely to the neglect of certain important facts of our physical health, namely our mental health. To begin with, suicide – according to the World Health Organization – is a conscious and premeditated attempt by a person to take their own life. Suicide doesn’t just happen. In fact, what we see as suicide is only the end of a complicated process of emotional deterioration that started from unhappiness. Yes, suicide begins with unhappiness. And the state of unhappiness can be triggered by either the loss of a loved one, the loss of a breakthrough opportunity; or because of delay in getting married or due to a prolonged wait for conception.
At other times, the state of unhappiness may be because of marital disharmony, unemployment, a terminal clinical condition or misbehaving children, a nagging wife or a flirtatious husband. It can also be because of being duped of hard earned money or being jilted by a loved one or being imprisoned. It may also be due to losing an election, inability to find a cherished vocation or that one’s sincere efforts are not being appreciated despite the selfless sacrifice. Sometimes, unhappiness is due to hatred for one’s physique or guilt over something one didn’t address the way one should have.
It can be a result of the political situation in one’s country or a consequence of the nauseating corruption (that offended one’s sense of empathy) in the office where one worked. Again, the reason for the displeasure could be a result of one’s anxious efforts to survive financially in a very distressed and battered economy. When abusive or derogatory words affected a person’s emotional composure, it can also lead to deep displeasure together with the hangovers that come with it. And depending on the person’s emotional durability – which differs from person to person – unhappiness can attract hangovers if mismanaged. In a situation where a person is unable to resolve the state of unhappiness by identifying and finding a lasting solution to the problem; it degenerates to stress (first to acute stress and then to chronic stress) and anxiety at the same time. Note that it is common to find stress and anxiety anywhere there is displeasure. If the situation that caused the unhappiness is still unresolved, fatigue (a state of boredom) follows suit and degenerates again into the state of hopelessness. Now, at the point of feeling hopeless and helpless; the person in view is already going through the first phase of depression called major depressive disorder.
Again, depending on emotional durability, some people get to this point of depression and still survive while other people get to this point and suffer from any of these 3 things namely: schizophrenia, sudden death or suicide! Having explained what suicide is and how it builds up; so, why is it rampant lately? From my long study of the reasons adduced for the occurrence of suicides anywhere and in particular Nigeria, I can say that suicide is rampant for the following reasons namely: What does it take to be happy? Three (3) things are required and they are as follows: (a) Growth (b) Vocation and, (c) Location. Growth talks about self-improvement and that begins with self-awareness which itself talks about what your hobbies and abilities are, what you exist to do and from where you came. Growth helps you to discover your potentials and several abilities and, by extension it helps you to discover your vocation or what to do. The discovery of your vocation naturally narrows you to your location or where to be. Here’s what I mean: a fry cannot optimize its usefulness unless it grows into a fish.
When it becomes a fish, it becomes aware that its gills (for example) enabled it to get oxygen within its natural habitat (water) and that the best place to reproduce is within its habitat. So, a person’s unhappiness begins by not experiencing growth and by not knowing either their vocation or their location.
Suicides will continue to happen so long as people are not able to know how to find happiness and fulfillment in life and in relationships. Happiness begins with providing a sincere answer to the following questions: (1) Who am I? (2) Where am I from? And, (3) What did I exist to accomplish? Check most of those who committed suicide and you’ll find out that they couldn’t find happiness and that is because they didn’t understand their identity or life itself! You lost a loved one by cancer and, you’re grieved to the point of death. How about becoming an advocate for cancer awareness and save other people? People like this find their true self in the very midst of the fire of sadness they experienced and, that helps them to bounce back to life and win! Would a lion become depressed for failing to hunt food today? Why? He’s king of the jungle, so will certainly feed! So, self-awareness or seeking to know self is what I preach.
Of course, when a person lacked knowledge of self; they lacked emotional intelligence too. What is emotional intelligence? It is a person’s ability to understand their emotions – what makes them happy and/or sad – and being able to creatively channel such in their relationship with other people.
In a layman’s language, emotional intelligence is simply common sense, intuition or emotional durability. Common sense always tells how durable a person’s mental faculties are. For example, responding in a calm way to someone who just bashed your car might prevent bitter altercations that may really hurt. Emotional intelligence does not say “Why me of all the people in the world?” but says instead “What can I do now to clean up this mess and get on my feet again?” Emotional intelligence involved self-awareness, social awareness, relationship management and time management. Emotional sagacity is not possible without emotional intelligence or common sense. This is because a self-centered person is not likely going to be able to discern the feelings of the other person. So, in the event of say a relationship collapse, the self-centered is only thinking of how deep they’re hurt or own guilt. And with that kind of mindset, they are more likely to take a shot at their life. Recently, the pregnant Martha was caught by her husband in the act of adultery that trended in a viral video. Two days later, the news came that she took her life! For me, Martha is simply not emotionally sagacious because she’s self-centered.
Without stopping to consider her husband’s feelings and those of their loved ones that are badly hurt; Martha proceeds to inflict yet another wound on everyone. This is why I think that we all need to know the first rule of emotional sagacity, which is: Every choice comes with its responsibility. If you’re not prepared to take the responsibility, do not attempt to make the choice.
Comrade Mmoh is a Mental Health
Activist (MHA) and writes from Abuja