It is not okay to start a marriage on deceit. It is sad that a lot of people are deceiving their partners into marriages while keeping important information from them.
You don’t lie to your man or woman about something that might affect them in the long run if both of you eventually get married. You are starting off on a wrong foot. Lay all your cards on the table. Be honest with your partner.
A young lady is confused about what to do after she discovered some antiretroviral drugs hidden in a suitcase in her fiancé’s house. Her traditional marriage is supposed to hold next month and she is pregnant for her would-be husband.
The young lady said she was cleaning her fiancé’s house when she discovered a suitcase hidden in his wardrobe and when she opened it, she saw some drugs that weren’t easily recognizable.
She rushed to Google to find out what the drugs treated and to her shock, they were antiretroviral drugs. She fell on the ground and screamed in disbelief. She called her friend and begged her to help check out what the drugs treated and her friend gave her the same results she got earlier.
She then told her that she discovered the drugs in her fiancé’s house. She didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know whether to confront her fiancé or call off the marriage. But what will she tell her family members and his when they ask her why she called off the marriage and what will she do about her pregnancy?
She recalled that sometimes when they were together, he swallows some drugs and whenever she asks him why he is taking so much medicine, he will tell her that his doctor prescribed them for him because of cold.
The young lady is dazed. She can’t wrap her head around living the rest of her life with a man on antiretroviral drugs. She doesn’t even want to think about living with a man who looked her in the eye many times and lied to her about his health.
I don’t know why this young man kept this important information about his health from the woman he claimed he loved and is getting ready to marry. It is the height of deception and wickedness to keep such a thing from your partner.
I heard the story of a young lady whose mother abandoned when she was two and left with another man. Her father, out of anger denied being the father of this girl. He left her in the care of his younger brother and left for another part of Nigeria.
This young lady grew up with her uncle who took good care of her. He sent her to the best schools and gave her the best things of life. Now a graduate, this young lady started dating a young man.
Almost a year after they started dating, the young man proposed to her and asked for her hand in marriage. Her uncle told her that she needs to go and look for her birth father and tell him that she wants to get married and that he can’t stand as her father during her traditional marriage since her father was still alive.
This lady is angry that her uncle wants her to go and look for a man who abandoned her and didn’t care about her wellbeing for over 20 years. She said she wants to erase that aspect of her life because it made her very angry. Her dilemma now is telling her fiancé the whole story.
The first thing this young lady should have done after that guy proposed to her was reveal to him that the man she calls father is not her real father. She should have been honest with him about her past. That aspect of her life is not what she can hide from the man who wants to marry her. It is not okay to keep such a thing from someone you want to spend the rest of your life with.
There was a story about a man who knew he was impotent since he was in the university but he went ahead and married a woman who suffered humiliation from his family members for years because of their inability to have children.
This man kept this important information to himself and watched his mother and siblings tear his wife to pieces for something that was not her fault. He kept bribing the doctors they visit for fertility treatments but secretly goes to another state to seek solution for his impotency.
Years later, he confided in his younger brother about his problem and begged him to help him father children with his wife. He didn’t disclose anything to his wife. He arranged with his brother to seduce his wife during her ovulation and impregnate her.
His brother initially refused to grant him that favour. He begged him to cover his shame and do it for him so that they can protect their family name. His brother agreed to sleep with his wife but when the time came, he couldn’t do it. He confessed their plans to his brother’s wife and begged her not to tell anyone.
The woman was heartbroken. She didn’t believe that her husband who loved her so much, supported her throughout their marriage and went for fertility treatments with her was actually impotent and kept the secret from her. She filed for divorce and moved out of the country to start her life afresh.
One young man fell in love with a woman he met during a work conference in Lagos. They dated for two years and eventually got married. Then the years passed without children. The pressure from his family began to affect their marital relationship.
One day, he visited his wife’s doctor unannounced to ask him some questions about her fertility treatment. That was when the doctor broke the news to him that his wife can’t get pregnant because she damaged her womb with a poorly done abortion some years back.
The doctor discovered this during their second visit after he ran some tests on the woman and has been begging the woman to tell her husband about her condition so that they can consider other options such as surrogacy and adoption but the lady refused. She insisted that God will do a miracle for her family soon.
Love is built on trust. Trust holds everything together. Trust pushes couples to believe that they can overcome obstacles with their partners. When your relationship isn’t anchored in trust, the relationship will breakdown.
When you keep important health information from your partner, you might lose them in the long run when they find out what you have been hiding. When you have serious health issues and keep them from your partner, you are courting trouble.
Financial dishonesty is one of the most common secrets in relationships and is often linked to higher levels of dissatisfaction. If you or your partner had financial issues before your marriage, those financial woes will carry into your marriage.
It’s important that you are forthright in your relationships about any issues you have had with addiction, both past and present. This includes drug dependencies, gambling, sexual obsessions and alcohol abuse.
Addiction is not only devastating to the addicted party, but to your loved ones as well. If addiction is not dealt with, it can destroy your relationship. If your partner doesn’t know about your battle or you refuse to deal with it, the likelihood of overcoming that addiction is highly unlikely. However, with the proper support and treatment, it is possible to overcome.
Sexual abuse is one of the most difficult experiences a person can go through and sharing that experience, even with your partner can be difficult. While it can be tough to talk through and relive, it’s imperative that your partner knows that you were abused.
Abuse can have an impact on how you relate or respond to others, sexually and non-sexually. Even if you have been through counseling and confronted the abuse, it’s still important that your partner knows, so that they understand what you have been through, and they can support and advocate for you.
It’s important that you are open with your partner about your criminal history, even if it was a petty crime or it occurred many years ago. They have a right to know.
A criminal history can get in the way of you being able to secure a job and depending on the crime, can be an act that shows up again and harms your marriage.
It’s important that you are forthcoming about your criminal history so that your partner is not in the dark and caught off guard when they find out.
Ladies and gentlemen, stop deceiving your partners. If you have an addiction or a serious health issue that can affect your partner when you get married, let your partner know. You shouldn’t hide such secrets from your partner. Be honest, honesty pays!