A typical down-to-earth exchange between Nigerian neighbours, discussing security issues. Read on.
ADE: Why is your countenance not bright this morning, did you lose money in your business or is there any problem?
AKOM: Not at all, my brother. Did you not hear the news about the re-arrest of Nnamdi Kanu, the IPOB leader, by operatives of the government of Nigeria? They have even re-arraigned him in court and as I am talking he is in the custody of the Department of State Service in Abuja.
ADE: Mo gbe o! (Yoruba exclamation of surprise).You mean the Nigerian government left our shores to arrest somebody yet they can’t arrest those armed gangs that have been terrorizing our people over the years? By the way, was that why your face was gloomy, as if you were suffering from malaria? But you gave us the impression that you disliked Kanu’s approach to the agitation for self-determination? It looks like, inwardly, you buy into his ideas but, outwardly, you behave otherwise. That is hypocrisy.
AKOM: : Shut up, before l slam your face with a dirty slap. See who is talking. Did I not hear from the DSS that their operatives went to effect the arrest of your brother, who is the region’s new wave strongman, Sunday (Son of Thunder) Igboho? I heard his guards attacked the government operatives, which resulted in the death of two men, and he escaped into thin air, just like Kanu’s home was attacked and he escaped. Did Igboho use juju? Well, one truth has emerged from this incident. Now we know that unknown gunmen have identity after all. So now we can stop ascribing the phrase “unknown gunmen” to every unresolved attack or killing. When we put two and two together and look at the method of attack and burning down of a house, it looks like where the people we say are unknown gunmen were coming from may not be that unknown.
ADE: I have also been thinking of what you are saying, but first let us talk about your freedom fighter brother who has been running his mouth but was caught like a chicken without any resistance. Although many like his courage and what he stands for, but they are not impressed with his uncouth utterances and crude ways of approaching his campaign.
AKOM: : Just don’t go there. You can dramatize about Sunday Igboho not Nnamdi Kanu. To us, of the new social media generation, he is our leader because he speaks our mind the way no other person does.
ADE: Which mind, the one that is bereft of direction and was taking advantage of your porous minds? See how rich he is from all the contributions of your people across the world. My friend, forget the self-actualization and redirect your politicians to swim better in the large ocean of Nigerian politics, even if it is dirty, so that they can catch bigger political fish.
AKOM: : Oh yeah! Go ahead, continue to politicize the situation (stops talking).
ABU: I have been looking for you AKOM, have you heard about the arrest of your brother?
AKOM: : What is your interest in his arrest?
ADE: Is he not from the same state with you?
ABU: Thank you very much, for your reasonable interjection. Imagine, his brother was calling for separation when the ocean is wide enough for everyone to catch as many political fishes as they can.
AKOM: : How can my people catch the fishes when the hooks your big brother distributed did not get to us? He was very selective and discriminatory the way no other person has been. See the speed with which he tagged Nnamdi a terrorist yet he ignored your brothers that have been carrying illegal guns and going into people’s backyard to kill innocent people. They are not terrorists, abi?
ADE: I think, I must support your argument in this one because it makes sense.
AKOM: Don’t support me. I don’t like your tongue-in-chick support, after all, his big brother who has the knife has been giving your people some slices here and there when he likes.
ABU: Why is AKOM complaining, did your people help when others helped my big brother to capture the national cake?
AKOM: : Does that give him the right and audacity to share the food so unjustly without even observing the rules of sharing and remembering the oath of office he swore to obey? Or did he not swear to obey the law?
ADE: Truly, I think the government should look at itself and help to reduce the tension being created by these incidents, after all, they have shown their might and they have sent out a definite message that nobody can fight a government and that no individual is above the law of the land.
AKOM: : Very sensible talk. The government should not allow enemies of development and progress to ill-advice it on the case of Kanu because of its sensitivity, even in the international community.
ADE: I beg, forget the international community. Have they not been helping to sow seeds of discord in the country? l blame the President who slept on duty for years while insecurity was brewing all over the country, only to be gingered out of his slumber by public uproar, presidential letters from past presidents, loud shouts from religious clerics and regional warlords beating the drums of secession.
ABU: No matter what you say, my uncle was taking his time. After all, you people named him “Baba Go-slow.” But he was taking time to study the situation. Now he is acting. Kai! First, Boko Haram’s evil man Abubakar Shekau was killed in the North even if some of you will say he was killed by his friends. After that, my uncle’s attention turned to the North East, West and Central by gradually crushing the bandits. He then moved his tool of government to restore peace and tranquillity in the entire Eastern Region and capped his operation with the re-arrest of Nnamdi Kanu. Now he is engaging the Yoruba warlord Sunday Eboho
ADE: It is Igboho not Eboho!
ABU: Whatever is his name, he, unfortunately, fled into temporary freedom. Yet, you people don’t want to applaud the President’s strategy as a retired army general.
AKOM: : I don’t expect you to say anything different. You you are blinded by your ethnic and religious affiliation. How can you have peace? Were you not in this country when virtually all the top appointments were given to his kinsmen and you people saw nothing wrong with that?
(Baba who had been listening by the side interjects)
ABU: Baba, greetings Sir.
(Ade and Akom respectfully greet Baba)
BABA: Thank you all. l patiently listened to every of your discussions and arguments. To me, blame must be placed on everyone’s lap because they either did wrong or took the wrong step or decision. There is offense and there is punishment, also there is pardon. L am not saying those who wronged the law should not be punished, if the court finds them culpable. That would be a deterrent to others. But because the government did not do the needful, it should also consider following the step of the Spanish government, which pardoned the armed militant separatists in Spain last week.
Report said the Spanish government formally pardoned nine Catalan separatists, who were convicted over a failed independence bid many years ago. The government argues the move will help calm tensions over Catalonia. What our government should do now is to try and look into the things that cause all of us all this wahala and bring up all these boys causing trouble.
(ABU, AKOM: and ADE all thank Baba for his elderly wisdom and immediately a refreshing wind of brotherhood blows around them)