Last week, I asked my readers if married women go to the gym to cheat and the responses I got were diverse. Some were laced with insults, I am used to this by the way. Many Nigerian men don’t know how to disagree with a woman without resorting to insults.
Back to the responses I got, some men stated that I should speak for myself and not trust some married women because they use the excuse of going to the gym to cheat on their husbands. Well, their responses are valid. From today, I promise to vouch for myself only when it comes to relationship issues.
Some other men who sent their responses said that the men who accuse their wives of cheating on them because they work out in the gym are insecure and they may also be acting that way because of what they do behind their wives’ backs. Anyway, let every human being treat the other the way they would want to be treated.
I am an advocate of love, true companionship and mutual respect among couples, whether single or married. I can’t stand when one person thinks because of his or her gender, they can treat the other person with disrespect. I hate when some Nigerian men think that having a male organ confers on them the power to treat women badly.
This week, I want to talk about something that is common in this part of the world. It is something that most people believe is normal, especially men and some women who live for male validation. Personally, I see it as an abnormality that shouldn’t be encouraged. It doesn’t sit right with me.
I’m talking about women giving up their careers for marriage. This topic trended last weekend on different social media platforms and people spoke for and against the idea that women should give up their careers for marriage. It was a hot topic for days and when I read posts from some Nigerian women living in Nigeria, I was shocked.
I mean, you live in a society that confers many privileges on men because of their private organ and because they stand up to pee (whatever that nonsense means) and you believe it is okay to give up your career to help a man build his because you both are married. I pray you don’t end up living a life of regrets.
This issue started trending when Nollywood actor and comedian, Williams Uchemba took to Facebook to celebrate his wife. He said that he wants to appreciate his wife and all the wives out there. He noted that being a wife is tasking enough and being the wife of someone who is everywhere is another level of superhuman, and that is who his wife is.
According to Uchemba, his wife put her medical profession on hold to help him build his goals and dreams, handling most of his business like he would and it amazes him. He thanked her and all the wives out there who make life peaceful and easy for their husbands. He called them the real MVPs. He declares that day wives appreciation day.
While some people didn’t see anything wrong with what he posted, others called him out on his declaration that his wife put her medical career on hold to build his. They asked why both of them didn’t build their individual careers and at the same time, build their young family. I read comments from some men who insisted that they won’t allow their wives give up their careers to build theirs.
According to these men, it doesn’t make sense.
One man on Facebook said that he didn’t marry a well educated woman to reduce her to nothing. He added that his wife knows he is her greatest cheerleader and he plans on sending her abroad to do more professional courses that will help her rise to the top in her career. This man said men who talk their wives into giving up their careers with different excuses shouldn’t be trusted because they have abusive tendencies.
I was reading comments and posts from different men stating the same thing until some men from a particular tribe hijacked the whole conversation and blamed feminists for the outrage. According to these men who believe a woman’s education ends in the kitchen and in the other room, it is normal for women to give up their careers for marriage.
These men want women to have no say regarding their lives, financial independence and future dreams because they got married. They claimed that opening a neighborhood shop is the best for married women. It doesn’t matter if this is not what these women want for themselves.
These men said women giving up their careers and ending up in neighborhood shops would give them more time for the family and the children. I didn’t know that it was the sole responsibility of women to raise children. I wonder how these men think and how they come up with the things they say just to justify their abnormal behaviour.
First, it is the responsibility of both husbands and wives to take care of their children. Caring for children is not gender selective. While women have maternal instincts and tend to care better for their children, this doesn’t mean men should abandon the upbringing of their children to women alone. Tomorrow, they will start crying about how many Mother’s Day is celebrated in one year.
I won’t advise any Nigerian woman living in Nigeria to give up her career for marriage. Any man who claims he loves you but insists you should stop making your own money is an enemy of progress. Don’t even agree for him to open a neighborhood shop for you because if you have a little misunderstanding with him, he will remind you that he owns you and your shop because he paid bride price.
I know a woman whose husband would seize her car keys, lock up her shop and stop giving her money to feed their four children whenever they have a fight. This is the same man who cajoled his wife to resign from a well paying job two years after they got married. He promised he would set her up in business but didn’t keep to his promise until after 10 years. This woman begs her siblings for money whenever she wants to buy something for herself and her children.
I know another woman who relocated from Abuja, left her job and blossoming career to join her husband in Lagos in a one room and parlor apartment. She lived in a duplex back then but because they told her that the man was her head and she must submit to him, she left her comfortable life in Abuja and relocated to Lagos. Today, she’s jobless, pregnant with her first child, depressed and angry. She told me she regrets her decision and I advised her to hope for the best.
This issue of women giving up their careers for marriage is wrong. I will not abandon my career because of a man. I didn’t go to school to become a liability to myself and my family. I didn’t suffer to attend lectures, read for exams, travelled to Yola, Adamawa State for the mandatory National Youth Service Corps (NYSC) and hunted for a job for years to give it all up because of marriage.
Like I said earlier, Nigerian women who believe there’s nothing wrong with giving up their careers for men and marriage should go ahead and put their future in the hands of Nigerian men. They claim it is their choice. It is only when it comes to women giving up something for men that these people support women’s choices. Why don’t men give up their careers and money making ventures for women too since they have the power to make the same choice?
No woman should give up her career or business to build a man’s own. I know they claim that it is for the family when the going is good but when the chips are down, these women will understand that a man’s dreams and career are his. There’s nothing wrong with couples building their individual dreams together. That way, no one will feel cheated or live in regrets. What do you all think?