By Okwe Obi, Emmanuel Oguike and Tunde Ezu, Abuja
The institution of marriage is gradually but steadily taking a different twist with the rate at which married men now shoulder the responsibilities of single ladies otherwise known as “side chicks” in exchange for sex. The trend, which has become an acceptable evil, cuts across religion, tribe and social status.
Majority of these ladies have boyfriends but prefer to frolic with married men with fat pockets. By virtue of their sexual services, they get the best of cars, houses, jewelleries, sponsored trips and in a long run, end up as second wives.
The magnanimity of these men is sometimes, extended to friends and relatives of these ladies. They get jobs, money and even life changing connections.
These ladies apply different gimmicks including getting pregnant (sometimes, feigned) casting a spell on married men for them to always do their biddings. In most cases, the immediate families of these men bear the brunt of the action. They are neglected, dejected and allow to fend for themselves.
While some married women who cannot stomach the misdemeanour of their husbands, confront and fight the “side chicks” in public. Others resort to sleeping around just to get back at their men, a situation that wrecked many homes.
Jane (not real name) said she started dating a married man when her boyfriend of two years cheated and maltreated her: “I know that having an affair with someone’s husband is bad. But these men care more than single guys. They pamper us a lot, provide our needs and do not stress
“In fact, my man, satisfies me in bed more than my boyfriend. Also, he does not pressure me for sex. I have peace of mind. I do not know how
long the affair would last but let me enjoy it.”
Agatha, a student, disclosed that financial constraints forced her into having an affair with a married man: “I love my boyfriend but he does not have money to meet my needs. My friend introduced me to a married man. One thing led to another we starting sex or should I say dating.
“I am still with my boyfriend. And he does not know that I am having an affair outside and I won’t tell him. He will just die.
“I really need the money to sort out myself. Things are hard.
Employment is a problem. Except you know somebody who knows another person in government before you can get a good job. We need to survive. Sometimes I feel bad cheating on my boyfriend but I can’t help it.”
For Esther, an applicant, she has a mixed grill of pain and pleasure.
She admitted that her lover took care of her. But the problem was the constant harassment and death threat from his wife. She recalled that the man’s wife hired a blogger to publish horrible tales and pictures about her:
“To be sincere, dating a married is interesting. I dated one like that and I enjoyed the affair. I had to quit because his wife who is a lawyer was always harassing me.
“She threatened to kill me. When I reported the matter to her husband, he brushed it aside assuring me that he would protect me. But when the intimidation because unbearable I had to withdraw.
“He came begging and still buying me gifts, but I still stood my ground. I don’t want somebody to kill in Abuja for sleeping with her husband.”
Ann works as a secretary in a hospitality firm in Jabi, Abuja, recounted her deal: “I was having an affair with my boss who is married. He approached me that we should start an affair. I declined.
But he kept on disturbing me.
“My friends who had married men as their lovers persuaded me to give in and I did. He spoilt me silly. He bought me a lot of clothes. He paid for my house rent, showered me love.
“But I started developing feelings for him. I demanded more time and attention, which I did not get because of his wife. I got jealous whenever he talked about his wife. At some point, I knew that I was wasting time. I had to work on my emotions and ended everything.”
John, a welder, resides in Kubwa, FCT, married and has children. He
contended that married men who indulge in illicit affair genuinely love their wives but just want to have a different flavour of sexual bliss.
He said he would never leave his wife for his chick: “In most cases, these married men are going through stress from their wives. Most times they want to cool off. They prefer the company of the single ladies to ease them of the tension a bit. That is why we have ‘side-chicks’ today.
“Sleeping with only my wife alone is not easy. Sometimes, if I want to touch her she would complain that she is tired and that the children stressed her the whole day. So, I need to go out when I am honey.
“But regardless of my escapade, I will never forsake my wife. She is my pillar. My affair with my babe is temporarily.”
Alex Princewill, a banker, described the act as “madness from the part of the single ladies. There is a time for a man to be foolish and a time for a man to come back to his senses. Every married man that is frolicking around will one day come back to his senses.
“Eventually, when they realise this, married men are no longer interested they remember the single guys and by that time it would have been too late to correct the mistake they have made.”