Yes, the time is now. There is no point waiting or delaying further. A full fledged lady who has had a university education, has good job, decent accommodation and comfortably paying her bills can go ahead to have and raise a child without waiting to be married. Yes, when a lady has reached a certain age, when menopause is a few years away and no man is on the horizon for marriage, it will not be out of place for her to have and raise her own child while waiting for her Mr. Right. Nothing forbids ladies who have earlier had children from getting married.
If a lady who has all it takes gets pregnant and decides to have a child, why should it bother anybody? A child that is properly raised is not much different from any other similar child raised by a married couple. Granted that married ladies get to have children in wedlock as a reward of being yoked in marital union with a man, it is not out of place for an interested single lady that has the means to cater for a child, to also want to create the same happy moment for herself through biological birth or legal adoption. She would experience the peace, joy and sense of fulfilment which giving birth to a child can bring. Ladies who desire to have children of their own, and who feel hindered from this attainment by society, culture and tradition, should know that they can actualise that desire. If you are a lady in this situation, you are today encouraged to be bold and courageous in implementing the decision.
Tomorrow is so close. You must realise that the time will come very soon when you will no longer occupy the position you have today in the company, government agency or organization where you work. That time will come when you might not be in good health or even not be in affluence as you are now. When that time comes, what will provide comfort and succour is the tight bond you would have established between you and your child. Raising a child is not a day’s job, but the rigour and the hassles involved are worth the effort. It is an investment of emotion, time, energy and care that just has to be done.
Now, every woman dreams of having a beautiful wedding, where she would display the dance-steps she spent time to practice, and her friends, co-workers and other associates would show off the creative designs they produced with any one of the two or three different versions of her aso-ebi. She would have visualized herself looking deep into the eyes of her hubby to reassure herself that he is the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Naturally, it calls for a big celebration when a man and a woman agree to tie the nuptial knots that bind them in marriage and lead to God-ordained procreation. But when all these are not forthcoming, when a lady’s choice of man that will make her laugh, hold hands and walk the lonely road together is dragging his feet, when a sister has asked God with teary eyes when her own man is coming to take her home, when she has admired other children she sees in churches, at friend’s homes and there is no likely answer to her marriage prayer request. When a woman has kept herself intact believing this year would not pass her by, when she has sown all the seeds in the lives of others and in church, yet there seems to be no concrete answer forthcoming for the all-important question, “when am I getting married,” it is only reasonable that she should not be expected to live the rest of her life in frustration. Instead she can create happy moments by discovering that inner joy that comes from becoming a mother through procreation.
Of course, some would hear about the lady getting pregnant out of wedlock and gossip a bit about it, but if she is brave, she will enjoy the fruit of pregnancy.
The joy starts from the moment when a lady gets the first glimpse of her bundle of joy, when the baby is first placed in her hands or on her belly in the labour room. Her heart skips with a combination of joy, fear, doubt and the rush of motherhood. Realization hits with the force of a thunderbolt that the childless single lady of nine months ago has become a mother.
She is enraptured and exultant that her set time has come. She radiates joy and feels rejuvenated. She sings a new song and sees joy ever after. Now, she is busier and revels in being called a mother. Picture the other scenario for a mature sister who is held back by what people will say if she were to have a baby out of wedlock with a “help-me-get-pregnant man.” The mature sister may be wondering how exciting the experience would be, what may be said about her in hush tones. She may even wonder about how she misses sleep in caring for the newborn, breast feeding, changing diapers and then rocking her baby to sleep. Truly, she needs to make the joyful discovery and learn why babies are described as bundle of joy, not bundle of marriage. What a great discovery it will be for her!
Worrisome is the fact that women who have children and those who do not have do not sing the same song. Their temperament, demeanour and mien are not the same. The birth of a child calms frail nerves, becomes the oil that greases the flesh. When most couples face marital challenges, consideration goes to the children the more. It is not out of place when people say that most marriages are surviving because children are involved if not they would have packed up.
Again, having a child in one’s hand is not for single ladies alone, but also for married women who have no child at present. If you have been married for 10 years or more without a child, what then are you waiting for? What you need in your hand today is a child to be a happy woman. You can go for a genuine legal adoption of a child. Please remove all those barbaric fears, fallacies and ill feeling associated with adoption of a child and focus your mind on a successful journey that will all end in praise. Why not look up to a couple whose adoption experience has brought them good, wiped their tears and given them the opportunity to be called parents. I recall that a classmate confessed that he started experiencing tremendous blessing after the adoption of a baby girl. “After our wedding in 2006, we searched for the fruit of the womb endlessly for 12 years. I told myself I am not an indolent person; I graduated First Class in school, proved my worth in the banking sector and accomplished other goals, but when my wife and I couldn’t produce a child together, I knew I did everything within me, but couldn’t, and we considered adoption and the processes were met. Now, our home took another dimension when our baby girl arrived. We became proud parents and our blessings started. My wife conceived and delivered a set of twin boys and another girl followed suit. We closed the factory by choice because we had become a complete family the way we planned it from the onset.”
Excitingly, never will it be a bad idea for sisters to give themselves a self-unending love, channel their resources into a charitable cause that will create a lasting impression. It is also important to encourage sisters with chicken-heart to wake up and think about their lives and future. Let us be mindful about adopted children because it is not the fault of those to be adopted. Anything could have happened in the process of a birth. Death of the mother, poor care and health might be the reasons. Roadside dump is a possibility, and these children at times become the royal seeds. If a couple who do not have a child could be better, bigger care-givers, why not give a soul the life he or she needs instead of breaking and destroying your feelings for each other. It is not a time to lay accusations and counter accusations or apportion blame, rather it is a time to remove poverty of thought content and move on.
Dear single sisters, we should all know that in life priorities change, charm fades, health passes, children grow, parents get older, promises are forgotten, day becomes night and life ends. Therefore, it is only death that can stop one’s life. Be wise and count your blessings with a child.