Do you believe people are created from birth to fit perfectly as each other’s better halves to live happily ever after?
You may have heard people say the reason your marriage is not working or didn’t work out is because you didn’t marry your own. By this, they mean that whoever is your own will never leave come what may.
Well, you may not be wrong to think that way because there are life situations which tend to make you believe such. Some men and women have had wonderful marriages that they have become models on which other marriages are judged.
But is love really about finding that particular person? Some people believe that when you perceive a person as your soul mate, as someone who completes you then there won’t be room for fights or disagreements because they are like your Siamese twin.
There is also the belief that your soul mate is your perfect counterpart. They are able to think and act like you do, understand you better, therefore there should be no disagreements whatsoever. It doesn’t matter if you toy with them, shove them about like a worthless pawn, torment them emotionally, and nothing they do is ever good enough.
You believe that person is your soul mate because they can sacrifice their life for you. While you are happy because they can do just about anything to fit into your own definition of a soul mate, they are left hurting, while they know and feel they deserve better.
You don’t want what they have to offer you; you only use them for what you want. This means one can be madly in love and yet, totally unhappy. Regardless of your emotional abuse, insults and disrespect, they choose to stick by you.
That they love you is not in doubt but you are not trying to salvage your relationship like they are doing. You refuse to match your commitment with action.
Most times people lose those who will go the whole nine yards with them on grounds of their inability to appreciate their efforts and meet them half way. They give up so much including their self worth to keep accommodating your excesses.
Then one day they say, enough! They take that painful decision. They walk away not because they love you any less, but because there is nothing to look forward to with you.
Your marriage is likely to end in divorce until you decide to behave responsibly. Anybody can be your soul mate, no one person is created for you in particular. You make a soul mate of them by how you treat each other.
Challenges will definitely manifest in your relationship, but they are surmountable because of the level of mutual understanding, respect and compatibility you exhibit towards your partner. Relationship is a journey, a journey that involves continuous growth and efforts from both parties.
Finding a soul mate is a constant journey that is never ending. This is because happiness and long-lasting love come with ups and downs, as well as many trial and errors.
You have to continue devising new ways of making your partner fall deeper and deeper in love with you everyday if you want to enjoy a lasting, loving relationship.You cannot be married and acting single yet expect your partner to stay put without reminding you of your vows.
Your partner can develop unresolved fears about your next line of action if you continue hurting them. They might end up not trusting you anymore and this will affect your relationship. You should remember that circumstances can alter people’s outlook on relationships because they are humans too and therefore not perfect.
Soul mates only exist when two people find strength in each other and appreciate each other’s differences by making necessary compromises to make your relationship work.
Do not be deceived, no one person is created your soul mate, if you meet a good person who is willing to help unpack your baggage, the best you can do is to help them unpack theirs as well, that’s how soul mates are created.
Admire those who have become role models, but work on your own marriage too. They didn’t become soul mates by acting up and being insensitive to each other’s needs, they did it by mutual respect, love, commitment and tolerance from both sides.
RE: Bizarre things some women do for love
Amaka, I just finished reading your column. Thank you for reminding young ladies that one doesn’t have to put one’s life at risk while showing love. Only the living loves. The guy in that painful and heartrending story will never end well for destroying the life of that innocent angel sent to him by God. He is a beast and does not belong to the civilized world. Even animals care and share love among themselves in their kingdom. May God forgive him!
But Amaka I really feel pained by this article. How can some men be too heartless and wicked to a woman like this? In fact, I’m cursing that guy. He cannot find love on this earth. He is not human but an animal and a beast. May God have mercy on him!
– Hon Peter Okafor, Imo State
Sister Amaka, the man that sent you this message is a devil incarnate for treating the lady that way. In fact, he deserves a serious knock on his head.Doeshethinkit’seasytogeta good woman these days?