You need to ask yourself if it is right for a man to abandon his children because he is no longer with their mom.
Men who abandon their children because they are separated from their mothers deserve a special place in hell.
I think such men are just deadbeat fathers who hide under the covering of separation or divorce to cover up their irresponsibility.
I don’t understand how a man will be comfortable being absent in his children’s lives because he knows they will come looking for him in the future.
I don’t understand how our society keeps encouraging these irresponsible men by demanding that young ladies go look for sperm donors who abandoned them because it’s time for them to get married.
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If we don’t change these things now, more men will be encouraged to tow this line because they have society’s backing to abandon their families whenever they feel like and wait for their daughters’ marriages to come and reap where they have not sown.
The annoying aspect of her situation is that he is feeling entitled to her money and care when he didn’t care about her for over twenty years. He told her that he won’t give her his blessings if she refused to do his bidding.
This young lady is angry. She doesn’t want to have anything to do with her father because of the way he treated her and her siblings. She doesn’t even want him near her would-be husband or in-laws because he’s still arrogant. He kept telling her that without him, her marriage won’t hold. Imagine the nerve!
He was married to her mom for a while but abandoned them, and took off with another woman. He started a family with this new woman and ignored his first family. He didn’t know how they fed, clothe, went to school, survived, got sick and better but now, he wants to come and occupy a position that doesn’t befit him. What a heartless and wicked man!
I know a family friend in Benin, Edo State whose father did the same thing. And just like the man in the first story, he is not remorseful about his actions. He married her mother while she was still a teenager. She gave birth to six children, three sets of twins in ten years. But I guess having three sets of twins wasn’t enough for her father. He started messing around with his secretary.
When his wife discovered his affair, he threatened to send her away if she makes too much noise about the issue. She ran to his family members for help but they told her that he was just being a man. They reminded her that since he had the money to take care of his family and another woman, she should accept his decision in good faith and stop wailing. The poor woman kept quiet and faced her children.
This man eventually married his secretary and started maltreating his wife and their six children. He withdrew his children from the private school they attended in Benin and enrolled them in a public school. He banned his first wife from running the family business they had been running together for years.
Seven years after he married his second wife, he built a new house in a choice location in Benin City and moved in with his second wife and their three children. He left his first wife and their children high and dry. He abandoned them without looking back. He abandoned his young children to face the world alone. They started struggling to survive.
It took the kind and generous siblings of his first wife to get her back on her feet financially. They contributed money and started a business for her. With proceeds from this business, she fed her children, sent them to school and paid for all their bills. It was tough for this woman and six young children. She worked so hard to provide their needs and be there for them.
One day after watching her mother struggle for years to raise them, the first wife’s first daughter decided she wanted to relocate to Italy as it was the norm in Edo state those days. She struggled to raise money for her trip. She went to her father for financial assistance but he sent her away. He refused to lift a finger to help his own child. He told her that he won’t give money to a prostitute who just wanted an international stage to engage in her trade.
A year later, she travelled to Italy and started working. She did odd jobs just to survive. It wasn’t an easy time for this young woman who was raised in wealth before her father took everything away. She worked for long hours and saved enough money to go back to school. Then she started sending money home to her mom and younger siblings to lift the heavy burden from her mom.
Years later, she met a man in Italy who loved her and worshipped the ground she walked on. They fell in love and started a relationship. When they decided to take their relationship to the next level,that was when absentee daddy decided to shamelessly bare his fangs.
When his first daughter and her fiancé visited him and informed him of their decision to get married, he insisted she must build him a new house and buy him a car before he would accept her husband-to-be. The young woman was livid. She lost it. She told him that he would wait till eternity before she gives him her money. She reminded him that she only came for formality’s sake to inform him that she was getting married not because she needed his permission or blessing.
This young lady had a court marriage and left the country with her husband afterwards. This happened 10 years ago. Today, she has four children and is better off without her father. He’s still waiting for her to come and beg him and build him a new house.
The funny thing is that this shameless man is telling all who care to listen that his first wife is now enjoying the money of their children alone. He claims none of them asks after him or send him money because his first wife poisoned their hearts against him. He says that no matter what he did to them, they must forgive him and send him money because he’s their father. I don’t understand this selfish mentality.
I am glad the lady in the second story refused to give in to the demands of a selfish, arrogant wicked man who didn’t care about how much he hurt his children. I am happy she called his bluff and took charge of her life. This is what ladies should be doing to these irresponsible and heartless men so that others can learn to stop misbehaving. I don’t know these men go about their daily activities and even sleep at night without knowing how their children are faring. They don’t care how they feed, clothe, get medical care and go to school.
The annoying thing is that after women have laboured and toiled to raise these children, these men will still open their mouths to claim fathers over children they didn’t know anything about their upbringing. What a shame!
Before you start making excuses for irresponsible men who feel comfortable abandoning their children, ask yourself if you would love to be the child of such a man. You need to ask yourself if it is right for a man to abandon his children because he is no longer with their mom.
These absentee fathers should know that things are gradually changing and gone are the days the children they abandoned will go looking for them. These days, mothers are giving their daughters away in marriage, so these men better sit up otherwise they will lose their children for life.
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Kate, just tell us you are looking for a zombie and not a man going by what you wrote last week. You are not in any position to advice ladies about relationships because you hate men. Stop deceiving women, man hater.
- Obinna, Aba
I really appreciate your write-up. I pity women who have to put up with egocentric and hard men who were not taught how to treat women. I wish all men would read that piece and learn how to treat their women better.
- Lucy Edoho, Oron
It is commendable that despite the negative feedbacks you get every week, you are still courageously liberating women from obnoxious men. You are quite a super woman. Keep it up!
- Victor, Enugu
Kate, please never relent writing from the depth of your heart. This column is building real men who in turn encourage their partners to be successful and confident. These men are so joyful that in life and death, they have real women. Many couples are giving good testimonies of the positive contributions of your write-ups to their unions. God bless you real good
- Tony, Umuahia
I will start taking you serious when you educate women on how to treat their men. Do you have anything against men with all these articles directed at them every week? Why don’t you balance the things you write instead of sounding angry and bitter all the time?
- Chibuzor, Awka
The way you talk about men in your column is very disrespectful. You sound like a heartbroken woman who has been disappointed many times by different men. Channel your anger somewhere else and stop turning the hearts of women who want to be good wives against their husbands. You are on a satanic mission to destroy homes but God will punish you.
- Charles, Lagos
Kate, I applaud you for taking time to teach Nigerian men how to behave and treat women. Many of them were not raised well so they should be humble and learn from you. God bless you for standing up for women. We are praying for you. May you never run of ideas!
- Mrs. Ajayi, Ibadan