I know a couple of men whose wives are from rich backgrounds. These women are well read, well travelled, working and making their own money. Their families didn’t just stumble on riches, they are rich from generations behind.
Most of these young men are not from rich homes themselves, but they met these ladies from rich background, dated them and asked for their hands in marriage. But in a bid not to come off as gold diggers because they are not from rich or prominent families themselves, some of these young men are doing more than their financial strength can carry to continuously prove that they are not gold diggers and can afford to take care of their women on their own. The sad thing is that they are suffering in silence.
Let me drive this point home with this case: He’s a young man in his mid thirties from a poor background, but works tirelessly to make ends meet. He can afford some level of comfort now because he’s doing well for himself. He still gives his siblings and parents the needed financial support to stand on their feet too.
When it was time to settle down, he found love in a friend he had known for a while. From dating, they started talking about marriage. The girl is from a very rich family. Her parents are rich and so are all her siblings.
The young man would spend so much just to buy her what he considers a befitting gift. He sends her on an all expense paid getaway trips abroad. He rented himself a bigger and better apartment in an expensive neigborhood. He loaded bags of rice, semovita, toiletries, beverages, tubers of yam and live goats or cow in a van and have it delivered to the girl’s family. “I’m not a gold digger. I don’t need their money, I have mine. I need them to know that I can take care of her”. Those were his exact words when I told him he was trying too hard and it was unnecessary.
When the list of items required for the traditional marriage rites running into millions was sent to him by her kinsmen, he paid everything to the last kobo. He was dying on the inside, but his ego won’t let him ask his in-laws for a review. During the church wedding, his bride’s siblings were willing to contribute cash to see to the success of the wedding but he refused to take any of their cheques or cash gifts.
They offered to sponsor just any of the activities from wedding cards/cake, reception venue, accommodation, catering, wedding gown, photography, honey moon and other things. They just wanted to contribute something no matter how little, but the young man refused.
All these spending took a toll on his finances, but he didn’t stop. He placed his wife on a monthly allowance of One-hundred-and-fifty thousand naira. He still sends his in-law’s bags of rice and all that accompanies it every three months. He invites his wife’s parents to the state he resides with his wife on weekend getaways and lodges them in one of the most expensive hotels in town.
He has been doing all these for over a year just to keep up the impression that he is not in it for their money. But his life savings and everything he has ever worked for has been spent on proving something that only needed to be proven when push comes to shove.
Dear young men, I know most of you have ego problem, but you must learn to keep it in check. Please, do not be unfortunate. It is not in your place to prove to your rich in-laws that you are not a gold digger. They will never ask you to do that. And most of in-laws will be offended if they find out that you ruined your finances trying to look rich.
All you need prove to your in-laws is that you are sincere, loving and protective of their daughter.
If you can afford to give her the good things of life without breaking a bank, go right ahead and do that but don’t for any reason what so ever spend your future now trying to impress people who are by far financially stable and richer than you by every standard.
Stop driving yourself into a life of debt and depression. If you continue on this spending spree in the name of proving that you didn’t marry their daughter because of their money, then you are a fool on a mission to fail.
It takes a deliberate behavior to not come off as a gold digger. How you carry yourself matters a great deal. Do not go cap in hand always asking your in-laws for financial assistance. After wedding, do not sit home all day doing nothing only to manipulate your new wife using her as a conduit pipe. Go out there and work for your money. Give your in-laws and wife good gifts, give gifts that are well thought through and financially affordable.
If you are in need and your wife’s family extends their financial support, take it and get back on your feet again. It will only become a problem when you don’t stop needing help after they have helped you time and time again. Stop living life on reverse.