There is nothing we will not see in this strange clime of ours. There is nothing we will not hear; there is no drama we will not watch.
Those are our rare fringe benefits. You don’t find them anywhere else. They are exclusive to us for living in a weird society like ours. Truly, Nigeria we hail thee.
Events in recent times graphically illustrate this. We are being exposed by the seconds. And these events are happening rapidly, almost at the speed of light.
The happenstances are a mixture of the extremes. They are the tragedies and comedies of our so-called home-grown democracy. But the characters in the outermost are one and the same. They are in one accord; birds of the same feathers, flocking comfortably together. Strange?
We are what we are. Nigeria is such a notorious, ugly laboratory for outright comedies, intently laced with tragedies. We are a trap as a country. We carelessly trivialise every important bit of our collective existence. Sadly enough, we do it with utmost reckless impunity. Aren’t we a huge joke? Yes, we are.
That is why a certain Mamman could be recklessly thrown up in our polity. To make matters worse, he is being shamelessly celebrated. What country; a character that has no place or relevance in the constitution.
He is neither an elected or appointed political office holder. Yet, he is the heartbeat of the Muhammadu Buhari Presidency where he is the most prominent personality. He resides in Aso Rock with his entire family. At our great expense, of course. His word is law. He is the only being who coughs and the whole nation catches fever. Whenever he does that we are always eagerly on the lookout for the unexpected.
He would not make any known public appearance, not even a statement, but his action speaks louder than any word in Nigeria today. He is not seen nor heard speak, yet, he is the most attentively listened to. Not even the President can match him. You dare not dare him.
That is one weighty cross we carry in this country. Because he operates in near perfect secrecy, he is made mysterious. Fable tales are built round him like a deity. He is worshipped and hailed by his faithful. And he seems to enjoy and cherish it. Who would not!
I am not sure we ever had such character in the corridors of power in Aso Villa in the past. Even if we had, Buhari, the “acclaimed” apostle of change, ought to have changed that for better.
We do not need that type of character in our national life. They retard progress, they never for once promote. Buhari should not have accommodated a character of such in the Presidency. They do not have a place there. From outcries across the hand, he ought to have done away with him long, long ago
The very reason his daughter could allegedly stand up to the wife of the President, Aisha Buhari, with uncommon audacity. To rub salt in the injury, she even possessed an added effrontery to record the encounter live and effortlessly.
Do you blame her? Aisha asked for it and she got it in good measure. After arrogantly assuming a tittle that has no positive bearing on our life – First Lady – what do you expect? Insult, assault, ridicule, et al, of course.
That is the message passed down on us. Aisha decided to wear the First Lady toga that is blind to law. It is a complete alien to our constitution. And she taught there would be no resistance, one form or the other? Then she is naïve.
First lady does not exist anywhere in our law book. It is the crazy creation of overzealous wives of governors and presidents. They neither campaigned for our votes nor contested any election.
The constitution refuses to make them sparing partners with their husbands in elections. They want to reap where they do not sow. They remain their husbands’ wives before, during and after elections. They can never, ever be our first ladies.
Each husband whether in or out of government, is entitled to a first lady; only under his roof. Buhari made it a real campaign issue in 2015. He told us he detested it and promised not to have anything to do with it. Not even remotely.
We thought he had picked a useful lesson from the detestable recklessness of Dame Patience Jonathan. She is the immediate past holder of the aberration called the First Lady. She made a nasty use of that office while she held sway.
Buhari was, however, able to suppress the urge for barely four years. He almost successfully confined Aisha to wife of the president; of which she actually is. He was able to curb all excesses, both known and unknown. We wonder how he did it, but he did it.
Aisha was not taken it either lightly or kindly. She knows her husband well. She too became more forceful this second coming. She was determined to be the First Lady of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. No more, no less.
Guess what; her strategy worked wonders for her. With determination she got what she wanted. Like any other man, Buhari caved in like a pack of loose cards. He could no longer resist the intense pressure from the other room.
He fell for it and obliged Aisha First Lady. Not only that, he went an extra mile. He graciously approved a ridiculous legion of aides for her. The six special aides are practically appointed for nothingless.
That office is not in our reckoning. That is why it has never added value to us. Even with those “doing – nothing” aides, it cannot not now.
Swiftly, the despicable drama shifted to Kogi State. Again, it deeply involved the Presidency as a main character. Buhari reached out to our common purse. He decided to reward his self-acclaimed son, Governor Yahaya Bello.
He doled out a mouth-watering N10.069 billion to Bello. Kogi was the only state that enjoyed that unusual privilege on Tuesday, October 16, 2019. And that was barely one month to an election where Bello is seeking a second term.
They were clever by half. They called it refund for money spent in repairing federal roads in the state. Where are the roads? When were they repaired? Bello is owing his workers many months’ salary arrears.
The face of this corruption is pleasant to behold. It is simply sweet. That is one of the outstanding changes effected by this government. It has moved corruption to its next level.
Before now, corruption has been ruthless and bitter; so also the half-hearted fight against it. That is no more. It has shed its bitterness for its new found sweetness.
With N10.69 billion safe in the kitty, Kogi gubernatorial election is adjudged won and lost. This is even before the cast of the first vote. It would be the best conducted even before the election proper.
To say the least, this is an unintelligent way of being absolutely corrupt. It is coming directly from “Mr. Integrity” himself; at the eve of a crucial election in which the president has deep interest. It is bad timing filled up with absurdities. We earnestly pray it is fake news.
That is how to home grow a shaky and fumbling democracy. We are on our toes waiting for the almighty and all-known Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) for its pronouncement. This should come sooner than envisaged.
Isn’t this corruption pretty sweet?
Only the deep can understand the deep.