There are three types of families, namely, the normal family, the Christian family and the Ideal Christian family. A Christian couple can choose where it wants to belong. David and Michal in 2 Sam 6:14-22, represented the normal family. Great lovers they were, each having something to be celebrated for. Michal was King Saul’s daughter, the lady, who saved David from the king’s sword. David was a national champion, who did what Saul could not do by killing General Goliath, whose threat to God’s people was alarming.
David succeeded at last in bringing the Ark of God to Jerusalem. The first expedition had consumed Uncle Uzzah. In excitement, he danced before God in celebration but the First Lady did not identify with that, but had planted herself strategically at a window, looking for faults! Not minding that, at the end of the celebration, David still brought home to her some of the goodies other people enjoyed. All that she did was to abuse him. Unlike the David we knew, he joined issues with her, even referring to Saul, his dead father-in-law!
Ministering in New York in 1993, I told them how I liked the way their couples were appreciating each other, even in the Church, touching the ear lobes, nose, hand, et cetera, of their spouse but unfortunately, on Monday, they would be going to the court for divorce! Communication, even in body language, is good. Some couples stop talking when they have misunderstanding. A wife wrote to her husband, though he was there, for money to buy foodstuff for the children. He replied that he had no money. She wrote again, asking him what the children would eat. “I don’t know,” he replied.
In another family, a man wrote to his wife, though she was there, to wake him up at 6pm and then fell asleep. When it was 6pm, Aunty wrote: “It is 6pm” and put the paper besides the pillow. Hours after 6pm, he woke up, raving that she did not obey his instruction. Since they were on holidays in communication, Aunty pointed to the note she kept by the side of the pillow. Uncle read it and then sued for peace!
The Christian home is where the Lord Jesus is not a Guest but a member. In Luke 24: 13-15, we read about two men travelling from Jerusalem to Emmaus, a journey of sixty furlongs. This can be interpreted to mean, a man and a lady, living single-status life for a journey of marriage, which lasts about sixty years. On the way, they talked but nothing happened. They improved their communication by discussing and reasoning on issues. It was this deep communion that attracted the Lord Jesus and He went with them. It is the choice of spouses whether they want Jesus to go with them in the long journey of marriage or not. Where a partner has made up his or her mind on issues before meeting the spouse for discussion, the yield is always negative. It happened in Acts 15: 36-40, when Paul suggested to Barnabas the need for them to go for follow-up of their converts. Barnabas agreed but ‘determined’ that John Mark must go with them. Paul felt otherwise, recalling how John left them in the lurch in Pega in Pamphilia, during their First Missionary Journey.
Barnabas was wrong to have made up his mind before discussing with Paul. Paul was also wrong to have forgotten that it is good to give someone a second chance. When the disciples in Jerusalem refused to accept him, after his repentance, based on his past dealings with them, Barnabas gave him a second chance. If Barnabas did not do the same to John Mark, would Paul have used him later? Paul confessed to Timothy in 2 Tim 4:11, that John Mark was useful to him in this ministry. If John Mark did not give Paul a second chance, would he [John] have allowed him to use him? Can we be giving our spouses second chance, even 100th chance?
It is possible to have a Christian home and yet it is not the Model home. In Ps. 128:1, the Bible says, ‘Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord and walks in His ways’. This is the ‘Ideal Christian Family’. Their identity is that they fear God and walk in His ways, not the ways of their Church, their parents, the world, neither their custom nor the norm.
In Eph. 5:21, God commands spouses to be: ‘Submitting yourselves one to the other’. I call it the ‘Dog Play’, where the mum dog is on top of the baby and a few minutes later, she allows the baby to be on top of her. You can allow your spouse to win you in argument sometimes. It is not weakness but a deliberate intention for encouragement. A Reverend Minister was caught by his mum washing their baby nappies and she raved, accusing her daughter-in-law of making her son a housemaid. Defending, he told his mum that if his wife washed the nappies, she might in error introduce the shit to the soup she was preparing. Fine! I would rather tell my mum that I was helping my wife because she is my wife. Gen 2:18 defines the role of wives as ‘Our suitable helpers’. It means therefore, that our wives are to help us in whatever things we do, including the domestic cores, such as, cooking, washing the nappies, cleaning the house, et cetera. Thank God that they have taken over these duties from us. We must appreciate them and be part of the job when the need arises.
A wife must, however submit to her husband absolutely unless where sin is involved. Submission is accepting someone’s leadership and authority wholeheartedly. It is only a wife, who is broken that can submit. A woman of Canaan, in Matthew 15:22-28, pleaded with Jesus to heal her demonised daughter. She did not disclose her identity. Who knows if her husband was the king or the President of her country or if she was the Vice Chancellor of the University of Canaan? Jesus ignored her. His disciples told Him to send her away for disturbing them. Jesus further told her that He was only ministering to the Jews. ‘To the Jews in a Gentile town?’ she would have asked Him in anger, telling Him to leave their city and go to the Jewish town. Not this unbelieving woman! Not a broken woman! Not a woman, who valued her need! She bowed down and worshipped Him, pleading for His help.
Jesus told her that it was not good to give the children’s bread to dogs. “Dogs,” she might have asked and the response would have been, “Yes, dogs like you”. Would you not have abused Him and left? She did not. “I am not asking for the children’s bread. Theirs are on the table. I am asking for ours, dogs’ own, which fall from the table and the children cannot eat it. Give me our own,” she pleaded. She got it. Jesus commended her faith. Her daughter was healed. Are you broken like this, Uncle Husband and Aunty Wife?
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471;[email protected]