Rebound sex may distract you for a night, but any situation where you tie your self-worth to another person’s approval is a waste of time.
Kate Halim
Breakups are never fun. Even when it’s for the best, it can be a big life shift to lose a partner. Despite the old adage, is the best way of getting over someone actually getting under someone else?
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Humans are programmed to seek connection, so even if you are not practically prepared for another relationship, you are emotionally coded to desire intimacy and closeness. This is why rebound relationships and rebound sex are common.
Here are the ground rules for having rebound sex when a relationship ends.
Recognize it’s a temporary Band-Aid fix
Rebound sex may distract you for a night or make you feel sexually desirable, but any situation where you tie your self-worth to another person’s approval is a waste of time. While this tactic may work for some people, screwing someone else often screws you.
Think before trying a FWB scenario
If you are thinking about starting a friends-with-benefits arrangement with a friend, you may want to think again.
It sounds so easy to have sex with someone you already know as you can bypass the whole meeting strangers thing. However, if you are thinking about having sex with a friend, be very careful, because it is not easy to preserve a friendship once you have sex. You may think you can control your feelings, but it’s not so simple.
Be upfront
Don’t hide what you are doing. Let your prospective sex partner know exactly what’s up. If you are just coming out of a relationship and want sex, then be honest with the other person about it. You don’t have to say, ‘I just want sex,’ since that’s not exactly romantic or charming. But make it clear from the start that you are not looking for anything serious.
It may help you cope with pain
In some cases, rebound sex may be a much-needed boost of confidence. If you see it for what it is, it could potentially help kick-start your healing process and help you cope with the pain.
Don’t judge yourself
Even though it seems counterintuitive, don’t be hard on yourself. Many people feel guilty about pursuing sex without a relationship. However, as long as you are upfront with the other person, there’s nothing wrong with two consenting adults having sex and enjoying it.
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Safer sex rules still apply
Just because you are not looking for a relationship, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t avail yourself of protection during your sexual encounter. You cannot know for sure what the sexual practices and history of a new partner are; no matter how honest they may seem to be or how much you trust them.
People are uncomfortable disclosing their sexual history, especially if they are concerned that it will damage their relationship with you. Add to this the fact that there are many STIs a person may not realize they have, such as certain forms of herpes simplex II virus. The consequences of STIs or an unwanted pregnancy can last a lifetime.
Don’t wait too long
Many women wait a long time to engage in sex again after a breakup, divorce or death of a loved one. During that time of sexual inactivity, a woman’s vagina changes, and the first time she does have sex after a dry spell, it can be painful.
When the vaginal area is inactive, it becomes dry and less elastic because there is less blood flow to the tissue, which causes it to become more delicate. Lack of use of the vagina, just like other parts of the body, can cause pain once you to start to use it again. If you don’t use, you will lose it.
Don’t let your breakup break you
Grieving the loss of a relationship is a process much like mourning a death. You may feel wrecked, but know there will be better days ahead. If you do have rebound sex to fill your physical or emotional needs, it’s fine. There’s really no right or wrong way to deal with a breakup (self-harming or suicidal behavior aside, in which case, please seek help).
Some people don’t realize that they are rebounding. They are simply seeking to fulfill the shared human desire for connection. Though some people may seek a new relationship or casual sex in order to boost self-esteem or assuage anxieties about being alone, many are simply looking for genuine love, companionship and pleasure.
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