There are friends, parents or siblings who are very user-friendly and expect that whenever they have issues with your mutual friend, colleague or family that you should pick side with them even if they are guilty or not.
Picking sides with them means acting in accordance with their new attitude towards the person they have problems with.
I mean how do you expect me to inherit an enemy because you are at odds with another human being who happens to be a friend or family member and I start to avoid or treat them differently as a sign of loyalty to you? Are you serious?
I do not keep malice or act irrationally towards any man on account of a friend or family in the name of blind allegiance.
You should not separate yourself from people who have not done any wrong directly to you, but may have hurt someone close to you. Be a mediator, not a meddler.
Help them work it through. I am a happy person. I like people. I love to engage and be challenged by them. I like to befriend, work and play with people. I live my life intentionally and I want people to be at peace. Working things through helps us all grow.
Treat people how they treat you, let people prove themselves to you. If two friends or family are at odds, call their attention to it, try to reconcile them, involve someone they respect if necessary. And if they remain adamant, treat them both with respect. Continue to relate with each of them like you use to.
This way, you remain loyal to both of them and loyalty does not mean stupidity or refusing to not have a mind of your own. The greatest form of stupidity is adopting someone’s enemy as yours as a sign of loyalty.
There are friends who cannot even explain why another person is their enemy. Those ones are extra petty creatures. They hate your guts; they are envious of your easy and stress free life. Some dislike you because they dragged a woman/man with you or you are doing better than they projected.
Pettiness and envy isn’t a good thing. Pick a struggle! Choose your battles carefully and fight your wars. Be intentional about everything that you do in life.
Friends or family who need you to be enemies with their enemies are users with a weird sense of entitlement. They should grow up already! Do not expect your friends, colleagues or even family to isolate themselves from any one you are at odds with as a sign of loyalty.
Should the enemy of your spouse be your enemy? This is even trickier, because you will tend to hear one side of the story which is your spouse’s. A lot of women lack the emotional intelligence to handle issues when it comes to this.
Your husband is at odds with your neighbour, yet every day they meet as men they have the courtesy of saying hello to each other, but their wives take it a notch higher by refusing to speak to each other.
These women also instruct their kids to never say hello to the other woman and her children. Some women also extend this behaviour to their husband’s siblings when he’s at odds with them. Most women just take it to the most dangerous height.
Little by little you teach your children evil from childhood. They learn to keep malice and be bitter towards others. Then they grow into unforgiving and vindictive adults who propound and practice blind allegiance and also expect the same from other people.
If your husband has an issue with his friend, neighbour or siblings, do not even meddle in their fights. Sentiments might be difficult to avert when it comes to taking sides with your partner but don’t get dirty in their fight. Learn to walk around sensitive issues. If you cannot reconcile them, don’t make yourself the monster.
Never inherit another man’s enemies. Loyalty or allegiance doesn’t mean stupidity, learn to manage every situation. Let your brain do the leading. When dealing with conflict between friends, colleagues and even family, be very careful not to get drawn into their mess that would ultimately become your own mess.
The enemy of your friend is not your enemy, it is not an inheritance.
RE: WHY BORROWING IS NOT A GOOD LIFESTYLE
On this one, you are on point. Borrowing is not a good thing. I do my budget per month to avoid insults from other people.
–Mr Wabote Dabo
I have been reading your article and they have been wonderful and impactful. You have an uncommon insight on issues you write about.
End of that beautiful childhood memory is gone because of borrowing. I love your column.
-Dr. Usman from Lafiya
Your article on borrowing is an eye opener indeed. It’s a constant struggle trying to unlearn that habit. Thank you for telling us the truth.
It seems you know what my neighbours have reduced me to. I can barely rest in my house with people knocking to borrow one thing or another. I’m tired that once my rent is due, I will pack out. It is sure not a good lifestyle.