She had cancer and lost her womb in the process. He husband stood by her all the way. He just wanted his wife and best friend well again.
She started to complain about not being able to give birth to children. He assured her of his love daily and even suggested the options of surrogacy and adoption.
She became resentful and nasty. It was like the cancer got to her brain, her personality change was drastic. She started saying things to hurt him. He began to feel unappreciated.
She wouldn’t acknowledge his efforts. She constantly reminded him that she didn’t trust him to stand by her faithfully because he would want biological children someday.
Little by little, they became more emotionally distant. She asked for some time off. She needed a break; she needed space to decide what she wanted to do with her life. It was a heartbreaking moment for her husband.
He couldn’t believe that the same woman he stood by for years, loving and nursing back to health, is asking to be left alone. He didn’t understand why she was treating him like he was wrong for standing by her.
He stood by her when she couldn’t stand firm for herself. He gave her inner strength so that she only had to battle the ailment and not add the betrayal of abandonment by her husband to the mix.
How could she be that self centered and insensitive? He had never contemplated life without her. One day, he lost it and said some nasty things back to her, and then walked out of the house.
Their relationship degenerated from then onwards. He tried severally to apologize but she wasn’t interested, her family was reluctant as well. They didn’t do anything to try to bring the couple closer again.
He accepted his fate and gave up trying. It was obvious she wanted out and has made up her mind. Divorce was the last resort.
Terminal disease or being incapacitated is probably one of the most difficult things anyone ever has to go through. It is life challenging. People who have suffered terminal illnesses tend to change after a while.
The change in behaviour or personality could be entirely due to the fact that they are not in control of their lives any longer and are completely dependent on their spouses or children.
They may be grieving for all the things they wanted to do with their lives, the loss of their once healthy body and even the people they would leave behind. The saddest thing is the low key hate they harbor towards the person who takes care of them.
A lot of terminally ill or incapacitated patients are not easy to manage or be around. They become highly irritable, agitated, angry, withdrawn and restless.
Being around them often is like walking on eggshells. More often, it feels like they pick arguments so as to frustrate you to walk away. It is somewhat one of their coping mechanisms.
They prefer to be around some other persons not of their immediate family, they are usually not angry with anyone else aside their spouses.
Many men who found out they are impotent and women who lost their wombs become nasty and mean to their partners. Their emotional outbursts most times have nothing to do with looking for reassurance that their spouses still love them and wish to remain with them regardless.
Their words are geared towards ending the marriage. They are trying to find a way of making the inevitable a little bit easier, but keep going about it the wrong way.
If you are terminally ill or incapacitated, it is sad that you are fighting an awful condition but it is wise to not destroy your family in the process. Resentment will only make you an ingrate and a monster.
If you are depressed, see a counsellor or therapist. Speak to your doctor; there are anti-depressants to help lighten your mood.
When taking care of a sick person who is nasty and under appreciates you, it doesn’t matter your level of emotional intelligence or tact, you are likely going to react negatively one day.
It is difficult to not to take their behavior personally. It is also easier to become resentful and unhappy as well because you are tied down, you put your life on hold to care for them or be there for them.
You see yourself trying so hard to convince yourself that their nasty behavior is as a result of the ailment, and it has nothing to do with the way they feel about you or your relationship.
There is no easy solution to dealing with a resentful sick spouse who is battling to stay alive or come to terms with their new reality.
Just do your best, ignore the things you cannot change and get the wisdom to know the difference. Sometimes standing back is the hardest thing to do but it’s for the best. If they don’t want you around them, please leave.