“How are you doing? Your article on ‘why you should fight for your marriage’ was deep. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn’t be in this mess I am today.
I got married to my husband a little less than 10 years ago. We had a healthy sex life while dating even though he prefers we have unprotected sex but I refused. We fought but I stood my grounds. It’s either with protection or no sex.
The day we got married was our first night of unprotected sex. I woke up in the morning with an unbelievable smell and abnormal discharge. I kept cleaning myself as many times as possible. There was also a tingly feeling or itch which was uncomfortable. I saw a doctor and he encouraged me to bring my husband along, as treating me alone would still expose me to the infection again.
I fasted and prayed for days before speaking to him on the doctor’s suggestion. And like envisaged, he flared up, that I was indirectly accusing him of infecting me. He took it out of context and it became a huge argument for a marriage that wasn’t even a week old. After much persuasions and massaging his ego, he reluctantly went with me to the doctor and we got treated. And there were more infections after the first one.
There was another infection that left me smelling like a rotten egg. I couldn’t stand the stench. During my monthly period the smell becomes more obnoxious. Using the toilet at the office was embarrassing because I had to stay longer in there for the odour to reduce or use air freshener. Having sex with my husband leaves the room smelling like there was a dead rotten rat in the room. He would turn on the fan as well as the airconditioner while holding his breath. The stench killed me. I was so ashamed of myself and irritated.
I saw another doctor, as I was so ashamed to face the former doctor who had counselled my husband and I on the need to play safe. It was a sexually transmitted infection and I was on prescription. We had a huge fight afterwards, I told him that we would have no sex until he takes his own medication and he eventually did. I never accused him of infidelity, even though he was misbehaving obviously.
Recently, I got very sick. I had fever with sores on my tongue and lips. I also had boils around my vagina. It wasn’t just mere sores, they were boils the size of pimples. I was alarmed because the fever wouldn’t subside. The doctor confirmed I have genital herpes. I’ve been placed on prescription for life. I confronted my husband, I didn’t care any longer about bruising his ego. I accused him of cheating. It’s a matter of life and death and it’s my life on the line. Guess what? he still played the victim and never apologised.
Right now, I have severed every sexual relationship with him as he’s the source of all the infections and he knows it. Henceforth, it’s with condom or no sex at all but he has chosen to stay without sex. We are merely cohabiting. We don’t have sex anymore because I’m not ready to take chances ever again.
I don’t want a divorce but if he asks for it, I’m more than ready for it. I fought for my marriage, massaging his ego, prayed and fasted but see where it got me. I was rewarded with a viral infection that he doesn’t react to. I’m the one living with all the visible side effects of his philandering.”
I got this message via e-mail.
Dear writer,
You are lucky you came to your senses because you escaped by the whiskers. Your life was on the line, but you were afraid to bruise his ego with the truth. He’s immature and that’s the reason he flares up and takes the escapist approach. It’s not a crime neither is it unheard of for married people to use protection.
Contacting all manner of diseases is not part of what you signed up for. As adults, we are responsible for our actions and inactions. Infection can destroy your womb as well as kill you if you don’t discover it on time. It is wise you decided to live life on your own terms before his selfish and unapologetic self infects you with deadlier viruses like HIV or HPV.
Thank you for not taking it to God in prayers alone while continuing to expose yourself to more infections. Your husband does not pray to God first before sleeping around without protection and you don’t need prayers to understand that sexually transmitted diseases’ only answers is safe sex.
If he agrees to using protection, be vigilant to avoid stealthing, he likely does not mean you well.