Etiquette empowers you, the etiquette advantage comes with knowing what to do in any situation and why a certain behaviour is required. Good manners can be the passport to success; good manners build and sustain critical relationships.
This column seeks to equip people with easy tools for success through the knowledge of social skills. Knowing how to harness human relationships to achieve desired goals.
Life is about relationships. When God wanted to take a major decision that would have far reaching consequences on mankind, He was constrained to put His relationship with Abraham into perspective. It is common knowledge that people reward loyalty over competence, reason being that the decision maker is more secure with the behaviour of the loyal candidate.
In spite of man’s adventurous inclination, the tendency is to start from the known to the unknown. President Muhammadu Buhari is accused of running a kitchen cabinet comprised of his Daura kinsmen. The Acting President, Professor Yemi Osinbajo is now being accused of appointing members of his church, President of the United States, Donald Trump was also accused of gravitating towards family members and old acquaintances. Dear reader, don’t be a learner. Life is about relationships!
Etiquette fuels relationships. It is a social ladder that can be cultivated. Unfortunately many in the overt emphasis on technical capability deprive themselves of cheap tools of success.
African-American poet, Margaret Walker, famously declared: “Friends and good manners will carry you where money won’t go.”
Cultivating key relationships armed with technical competence equips you with the etiquette advantage. Sets you apart from the pack. It distinguishes you.
Years back, while working in the South Eastern region of a new generation bank, the best performing manager was accused of “using juju” to achieve targets. Prior to banking consolidation in 2005, meeting audacious targets to shore up liquidity was no mean feat. Deposit mobilization determined survival in the financial services industry.
Among the regional heads, this gentleman was a champion, consistently bursting the target. He was accused of being manipulative, playing to the gallery and deploying spiritual influence on customers.
Shortly after redeployment to his region, I accompanied my new boss to an event. When relating with those affluent, not so literate traders, he made away with fancy grammar addressed them all by their titles, handled the traditional greetings appropriate to titled men. He exemplified the saying “when you are in Rome, act like a Roman.” On this particular day, a big wig invited my boss to his palatial home on his a birthday. Upon arrival, the chief requested my boss to take off his intimidating designer shoes and suit, after which they proceeded to the private sitting room, where they both sat on the rug and waffled down mounds of different delicacies with bare fingers. No airs, no formal banker-client relationship. They were just friends enjoying their relationship. After the merriment, Chief went into his room and returned with an envelope which he handed to my boss. “take this draft, you are my friend, a chief executive of another bank has been chasing me, but I can only give such a volume to my friend.” When my boss opened the draft, the value was enough to meet the target of the region. That was the day, I became truly born again in my banking career. This manager had a super edge over others because of his mastery of social skill among not so literate rich traders. He had unique social skills that set him apart.
He was a tin god, a sacred cow, untouchable, management pickin, name it, and predictably he had a meteoric rise. Through my association with him, I learnt about strategic hires in the industry, whereby a candidate who in the real sense did not meet the criteria for engagement was considered because of strong social skills, entry barrier lowered to accommodate not so qualified candidates based on their mastery of social skills, their relationship with target prospects. People who can open any door, who can enter anywhere, who can work a room.
It is common knowledge that the best candidate hardly gets the job, the one who demonstrates the capacity to achieve the dream of the organization does. That is the etiquette advantage. Rethink your strategy, deliberately cultivate strategic relationships through people skills. Become strategic, become socially smart.

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