My wife and I arrived at our Scripture, Union, Lagos Area, Camp Ground for the 2019 Easter Conference at Ijede in Ikorodu. We noticed that we were put in the same chalet we stayed during the Joint Area and Regional Committee meeting. I was not the Guest Speaker this time, but was assigned a seminar to handle. The seminar, ‘The Little Foxes in our marriage’, took place on Saturday, April 20, 2019.
God, I told them, did not institute marriage to punish man because of his sinful ways. He does not give someone a stubborn spouse to discipline him because of his wrong doings. He instituted the marriage covenant rather, for our enjoyment. Last month, as Ify and I were celebrating our 41st Wedding Anniversary, I told our Church members that we still keep the love letters we were exchanging during our engagement period. We have nothing to hide about our relationship as we did not marry from bed to the Altar. We married as born-again Christians, and indeed, as Scripture Union members. In 2016, her mother’s last born and husband, celebrated their 25th Marriage Anniversary. I could not travel to the US for the programme with her. One day, I emailed her two of the letters she wrote to me in 1977, a year before our wedding. It excited her. Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not to be endured!
Terrible things happen to some couples. A husband has been caught sleeping with his wife’s sister. In one case, the lady challenged her sister, insisting that it was left for the man to choose between the two of them, who he would like to marry. Abomination! Two months ago, we read from the newspapers, how a wife lied to her husband that she was visiting her relation while as, she went to sleep with her regular boyfriend. That night, tragedy struck – she died! The boyfriend has been arrested! A wife has confessed to her husband that he was not the father of some of her children he was calling his children. Last year, a wife killed her husband, her children, smashed their car and killed herself. A certain Uncle impregnated his mother-in-law last year, accusing her of luring him to sexual sin by her awkward sitting posture!
These are a few of the Big Foxes, which cannot be found in the families of SU members. Are we then free from the ripple effect of the some Foxes? Have some of our vines not been spoilt, not really by the Big Foxes but by the little ones? From the Scriptures, let us examine how a small fox looks like. Uncle Paul suggested to Daddy Barnabas in Acts 15:36 that they should go for follow-up of their converts. Barnabas did not object. The problem was on the modality. There is nothing wrong for a wife to suggest to her spouse that they should buy a piece of land or anything whatsoever. If he did not object, why should the modality impose a problem to them? Barnabas determined that John Mark must go with them – v37. This is the Little Fox – determined! You invite your spouse for a meeting, to discuss certain issues, while you have determined what must be done! You set up a committee to interview candidates for employment, while you have determined, who to employ! Is it not deception? This is in the family, Church, industry, nation, et cetera.
Paul, on his own, insisted that John Mark would not go with them –v38. May God have mercy on the landlord when his tenants, Uncle and Aunty, each insisting that something must be done in their self-perceived way! What would the Lord Jesus have done? “I came down from Heaven, not to do My will but the will of Him that sent Me,” He declared in John 6:38. None of them, Barnabas or Paul, explained to the other, why he took his hard stand. This underscores the importance of holding meetings and surrendering to God’s will. We were holding family meetings, when our children were living with us. For Barnabas and Paul, the end result was ‘divorce’ – separation! Barnabas ‘married’ John Mark while Paul ‘married’ Silas – vs.39 &40. A little fox led to it.
Money can be the Little Fox. In the Kindergarten class, we read how a poor farmer and his wife were singing always to the consternation of their king, living closely. The king sought for counsel how to stop them and was told to deposit a huge amount of money in their house, when they were not at home. He did. That night, they did not sing, fearing that their song might attract thieves! Money, nay, the wrong attitude towards it, can cause problems! A spouse may see himself or herself as the person making more money that the partner.
In this situation, who earns what becomes more important than the God, Who gives it. In that situation, personal interest may override the family need in disbursing the money. Is it not possible that because of my spouse, perhaps her prayers, God can give me more money than I deserve? To save the couple from quarreling, God may decide to remove the cause of their problem, money! This may create another problem, as the couple then begins to quarrel because the husband, the bread winner, cannot provide enough for the family.
The Little Fox of ‘My’ or ‘I’ is found in some homes. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife and the two, [not three, not five] shall become one,” as written in Matt.19:5, is forgotten. Many husbands are fond of this personality cult – ‘My mum said this or that’. In one case, Uncle detailed to his wife the sacrifices his mum made for his education, “In this house, she is number one and anything she wants, please give her”. Foul! There is nothing wrong for him to buy her an airplane and employ pilots for her, but she is not number one or number thousand. Like your children, she is a guest!
Women leave their parents names and homes on their wedding day. This is why God wants men, who have not left, to leave their parents so as to be able to cleave to their wives. Many wives, however, are more liberal financially towards their parents and siblings, than to the family members of their spouses. This is not right. They should treat both families alike. Secondly, some of them behave as if they own the children more than their husbands. I intervened in a case like that, when I visited the US in 2010. A mum lied to their children that she sponsored their education and they believed her. “You are no longer two but one,” God says to us. I hope that when we wedded, we made this vow from our heart, and not from the head, unlike the boy his mum forced to sit down, when he refused to do so. “Mum, you have forced me to sit down,” he said, “in my heart, I’m still standing up”.
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]