By Romanus Okoye.
Aisha Dannupawa already had three children with her first husband before she met her second husband, Ali Maizinari. But no sooner did they begin to live together than she begged a Sharia court in Samaru, Gusau Local Government Area of Zamfara State to dissolve her one-week-old marriage because she could not bear having sex with her second husband. She said: “When he came, we had sex. Instead of enjoying it, it turned out to be something else because his manhood was too big for my sexual organ. The experience was a nightmare.”
After the couple’s first unsuccessful attempt at making love, according to her, she took some drugs and applied some cream given to her by her mother. “I told my mother about my experience. But she told me to endure, that with time, I would be able to cope. She then gave me some drugs.” According to Dannupawa, they had sex again but the pain was “too much to bear” and the couple concluded that no drug or balm or cream could help their sex life or marriage. The husband, Maizinari did not object to the dissolution of the marriage, as long as his bride price and other expenses were returned.
Conversely, a 32-year-old woman, Paulina, divorced her 55-year-old husband over the small size of his manhood. The woman said: “His penis is very small; it is like a kid’s size, only 5cm long.” The two met and got married five months later. According to her, before they tied the nuptial knots, she wanted to have sex with the man but her husband refused on religious grounds. But she discovered how small his organ was on their wedding night and asked him to seek treatment. He agreed to do that. Thereafter, they spent some nights together to see if the treatment could work but it did not. Hence she sought and obtained divorce because, to quote her, her marriage is too young to start experiencing such sexual frustration.
Shapes, sizes and sighs
The stories of Aisha and Paulina show that manhood comes in different shapes and sizes. While some may be straight, others may either be curved, long, thick, thin, circumcised or uncircumcised. According to a report, the average erect length of a human penis is 13.12 cm with a circumference of 11.66 cm. “Flaccid lengths and circumference were reported at 9.16 and 9.31 cm,” says the report. But Saturday Sun’s investigations revealed that when people speak of penis size, they typically refer to length. Thus, a man with a short but wide penis would probably think of himself as having a small penis. However, width is part of size, although usually not acknowledged. Does width contribute to female sexual satisfaction? Is length more important? Or, perhaps size is unrelated to female sexual enjoyment? Those are the billion-dollar questions!
Saturday Sun sought the opinions of women about how size matters to them during lovemaking. But many of them, who were brutally honest with their answers, asked that their names be changed, to hide their identities as to prevent them from stigmatisation.
A banker, Caroline, 31 said: “Before now, I felt that size does not matter until I was with a guy that is naturally endowed with a huge one and having sex with him became unbearable. Since then, I’ve felt that size really makes a difference.”
Thirty-year-old Ifeoma, noted: “Yes, it matters. If it’s too big, it hurts! Plus, guys with big ones tend to rest on that and not actually put much effort into pleasuring their partner because, to them, it’s like: “I have a big dick, what else do you want?”
Sandra, 24, added: “For me, it definitely matters. I’ve found that I prefer larger guys, but that’s a lot to do with how my own body is shaped. That’s not to say that guys with smaller ones can’t be good lovers. They absolutely can. But I’m more satisfied with big ones. However, being too big is an issue too because it just hurts.”
Big, small or all sizes?
Elizabeth, 27, declared: “Sex is not about the size of manhood. It is much more a result of healthy emotional connection than body size. Penis size doesn’t really matter that much to me if the penetrative sex feels good. In all honesty, larger guys usually hurt a lot more. I have not run across small ones. Neither have I run across too big ones. So, I’m lucky.”
Precious, 33, agrees with Elisabeth. “It doesn’t matter,” she informed. “I’ve found that men with even the smallest dick know how to work them in a way that size doesn’t come into play. As long as you can feel it, and I mean, decently feel it, then it doesn’t matter that much. However, there’s nothing sadder than having to ask if it’s inside when it is really in. It’s just super uncomfortable and embarrassing for couples because it is either the dick is too small or the woman’s own is too wide.” A sex worker, Natasha, said that whether she prefers the small or big one, depends on her mood and the purpose. “Sometimes, if I am looking for money, I am not interested in the size. I just want a guy that will pay and come quick so I can look for the next customer. But if I am in the mood for real lovemaking, I want a guy that will make me scream. It has to be big and you have to know how to use it. From my experience, there are guys with very massive ones, but that is all they parade: no action. For such people, it is a waste of size. There are also some guys with what may appear to be small size but by the time they are through with you, all your body will know that something hit it. So it depends on what the woman is looking for.”
A self-employed lady, Bunmi, added a cheeky one when she said: “If you are looking for fun, go big but if you are looking for love, then compromise. Some ladies are kind of terrified of monster ones. Everyone is built differently and has their preferences. Some people are just not physically compatible, but you won’t know for sure until you try. It matters somewhat. But how willing they are to be flexible and do what needs to be done for their partner is way more important.”
Ekaette tried to illustrate her own point by sharing her experience. “I had a boyfriend who was very well-endowed. Unfortunately, I never had an orgasm from intercourse with him in five years. I was kind of shocked because one would have thought that a huge one is the only satisfying way, but it just didn’t work. It was more uncomfortable than anything.
I don’t like small, either, but slightly larger-than-average is the most pleasurable.” Esther, an undergraduate, believes that the pleasure that one gets has little or nothing to do with size but the use to which it is put. “Sorry to anyone who wants to believe otherwise but, yes, size does matter,” she insists. “A small penis can’t create the same sensation that a larger one can, and it can make certain manoeuvres difficult ― it might fall out during doggy style or when switching positions, for example. That said, biggest doesn’t always mean best. However, size doesn’t necessarily translate to inches; girth counts as well. If someone is five inches and skinny, that’s different from five inches and thick. For me, size doesn’t really matter. The best sex I have ever had was with an average-size guy, but his proclivity for oral and other means of making me get orgasm far surpassed his penis size. I don’t really get off from penetration alone, so size isn’t super imperative to me, but I do like it when a guy is slightly above average.”
Matilda, a nurse, shares the same view with Esther. “Contrary to the bull you might hear in the locker room or media, a bigger dick isn’t everything,” she informed. “Bigger-than-average penises have been associated with a higher risk of injury and infection.
Extra length can also make some positions especially painful. Too much girth can cause tearing if you’re not careful. Then there’s the whole choking and gag reflex to contend with during oral sex. Of course, there are ways around these things, but it just goes to show that having a huge dick isn’t all that there is to pleasure. A smaller dick is automatically easier to handle, which means all involved can focus on pleasure rather than pain or trying to figure out how you’re going to get it inside there. It’s certainly easier to fit in the mouth. And when it comes to anal, a smaller penis is basically top dog. Any perceived shortcomings can easily be rectified with good position.”
For Faith, size does not matter. “What matters,” she told Saturday Sun, “is the person involved and the feeling they have for themselves. I once had a guy that has a massive one. Initially, I was scared. But with time, I got used to it and started enjoying it. So, big or small, if we love ourselves, I will adjust to my man’s size.”
Taking a good clinical look at the issue, Dr. Juliet Ottoh, a clinical psychologist, Department of Psychiatry, Lagos University Teaching Hospital, (LUTH), agreed that size does not really matter. “First, the parlance that says, one man’s meat is another’s poison, is true. Some women prefer it big and some want it small. The size gives them satisfaction. But the truth is that the size of manhood does not affect lovemaking; it boils down to the individuals involved. Some men may have big manhood but it is not felt. Lovemaking satisfaction has to do with the individuals’ mindset and emotions. When I say emotions, I mean, the love they have for each other.
“As a clinical psychologist, whenever there is such a complaint from a patient having a big or small manhood, I usually see the couple individually, to educate them on techniques to use to improve their lovemaking. I also try to focus and communicate the best way for both to enjoy the act. In a nutshell, the woman needs to restructure her thought pattern about the size being big or small and concentrate on enjoying the act. Love conquers all.”
A sociologist and lecturer at Nigeria Institute of Journalism, Mr. Isaac Otumala also believes that size of manhood should not affect a couple’s relationship when it comes to lovemaking. He opined: “It is called lovemaking. Therefore, the couple should focus on satisfying each other. If that is the focus, even if the manhood is big, the couple will use their emotional connections to overcome. Having a big manhood is not an excuse to inflict pain on a woman who likes small one and vice versa.
“Again, couples should manage stress adequately, because when one is under stress due to many factors, lovemaking becomes work and no longer enjoyable. Besides, there are various ways of satisfying one’s partner, during lovemaking. No partner should be selfish but must ensure that his or her partner is satisfied as well. Everyone has his G-spot; that is, what turns him or her on. Big or small, it is nature and may not have been chosen by the one who has one, except if it was achieved through surgery or organ enhancement.”
The famous sex researchers Masters and Johnson concluded that size of the male penis can have no true physiological effect on female sexual satisfaction. They based this conclusion on their physiological studies that show that the vagina adapts to fit the size of man’s penis. Because of this vaginal adaptation, they refer to the vagina as a “potential space” rather than “actual space”. Thus, despite the worries of many males about the size of their penis, Masters and Johnson concluded that any size of penis will fit and provide adequate sexual stimulation to the female.