This is not a good road. This bad road leads to a bad place, a worse place filled with bitterness, disappointment and regret. Frustration is not automatic. It is a whole gamut; anger, resentment, discouragement piled up over time.
The real trouble with frustration is not frustration itself, though. Its real trouble is the lackadaisicality, the nonchalance, the arrogance that enable or greet it. It results when people, who have the capacity and the power to stop others descending into the abyss of emotions and self-worth, choose to look the other way. They instead wait to give frustration a bad name in order to hang it.
For instance, the husband who takes to drinking or such other escapist routes because of wife’s felonious tendencies could have been rescued ab initio by that same wife. The wife who sought divorce over husband’s unhusbandliness could have had the man save their home, himself and her. Ditto, the brethren and sistren who backslid to the point of quitting: the church could have kept them. Ditto also, the dropout who later became a menace to society: a functional educational system -had it existed- could have ensured that never happened.
Rather than condemn people who react in or resort to frustration due to a certain action or inaction, time is now to begin to look at the matter differently. Those on top must reduce their cynicism, their sadism, their selfishness, their high-handedness, their insensitivity which could be said to be 85-90% responsible for the chronic frustration of those under. Notwithstanding, parents, teachers, priests, leaders, mentors, etc. must teach the need to accord frustration some legroom. Frustration is not altogether evil; indeed it has a silver lining or two in that it could serve as a wake-up call.
On the other hand, those of us on the ground floor must work on our ego, to fix our fragile personality. We must work on our impatience, to accentuate our sense of understanding. We must work on our greed, to learn to put others first most times. We should never walk away, physically and psychologically; especially from people we ought to stay with except it involves life or integrity.
Next comes the critical question of how to tackle frustration. Let’s be clear, a human setting is intrinsically fraught with self, hate, competition, envy and falsehood and so, cannot not breed frustration. Therefore, while efforts are made to reduce its incidences, it is necessary to realise that it cannot be totally eradicated. This mindset will deliver you from being frustrated by frustration!
Furthermore: per time, we should imagine being others and react only as we would have wished they did if the tables had turned. We can begin by lowering the bar of our expectation. We should always remember that frustration is caused, mostly, by unreasonable expectation or an alarming sense of entitlement. So, working on self can drastically lessen both the frequency and impact of the vice.
Additionally, we should develop and monitor a personal angermometer. Let’s watch our anger speed, depth and level. The ability to have a hold on that can keep frustration or our reaction to it permanently in check. And, that will instantly give our world healthy relationships and sweet peace.
This is the way to go if you -like this writer- nurse depressing thoughts occasioned by frustration. We must quickly rise to fight frustration which has quietly been eating up our lives, our relations, our peace, our health and our world. Frustration is at the centre of the growing disconnect in homes and families, the spiralling discontent at work and play as well as the increasing disquiet recorded every electoral or fiscal cycle in political and business circles. Enough is enough.
Henceforth, whenever you come to the emotional threshold or precipice -what I call the point of no return of frustration, stop; take a deep breath in and out, and in and out, and in and out. If you are able to stay in that state for just five minutes, all by yourself or with a mature, supportive person, you conquer frustration like a king. Never forget that frustration being a coward is a one-minute man that you can overcome cheaply, by simply allowing a little more time. A five-minute window or delay is all that is required to dissolve the decision to give in to frustration.
Are you so angry you are set to walk away from your marriage or relationship or job because of a non life-threatening frustration? Be calming down. Stop allowing yourself to become a toy for frustration. Frustrate frustration today and see how mature and happier and steadier your life becomes.
On a personal level, this writer has known frustration man and boy. Always and always, the magic is to vent alone if need be as well as to postpone its public communication or show. Soon, laughter replaces that frustration and one is happy that one did not go down the childish route. It really is a sweet experience not only to frustrate frustration but also to have become a master of the mental engineering which is an incredible empowerment to share with others.
You too can and you too should. Just as humiliation and such other mistreatments only happen when you own or accept them, frustration can only take place when you allow it. Don’t, never; because frustration is a virus that at once destroys your joy, your health, your personality, your peopleness and above all, your very existence. Determine to frustrate frustration every step of the way so you live and lead a sweet, depression-free life.
God bless Nigeria!
My dear Channels Television
Not sure how much it is worth but I love to open with the fact that you are one of my favourite stations. Apart from your monumental professional quality, which derives primarily from ownership, secondarily from management and tertiarily from the workforce, I really am elated you are the brainchild of a professional broadcaster. Many thanks for doing television the way you do it; many thanks, our very own Channels: for how you present news.
In the same vein, let me also chip in how much hope you give me about our country, which is being ridiculed globally for hopelessness.
The many fantastic young broadcasters you have thrown up.
Your excellent programmes and programming.
In particular, by emerging our most admired media brand in perpetuity, you have proved beyond every reasonable and even unreasonable doubt that Nigeria is not so irredeemably corrupt that it doesn’t appreciate and reward excellence. While I commend you on one hand, I wish, however, on the other, to appeal that you either stop broadcasting the bragging rights since the world already knows or drastically reduce the regularity of that newsflash on your scrollbar. I say this honestly and respectfully.
It has become boring. Reducing the reminder will also help the station when eventually another wins. By the way, that shall be some breaking news!
Yearly floods: Not true, FG have cure, right?
I know that this is Nigeria where anything and everything can happen, but I hope and pray the bit about these deadly annual floods being a function of we not building our dam after Cameroon built theirs is not true. Even more, one hopes and prays that building a dam is not the answer and that the authorities don’t know it is.
I mean, that will be unforgivable. Over to you, my dear federal government.
And, while you are at that, is the incessant collapse of buildings a metaphor for any stratum of our national life? Are we paying commensurate attention and planning adequate action?