Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, I know for sure, that you people are used to hearing the expression “there’s no cause for alarm.” Today, I come to announce to you that there’s no alarm for cause, or, is it, curse?
And, of course, there is no curse for alarm, any alarm. I believe that this is why our alarm clock always rudely wakes me up when it should not, despite all my warnings to it to desist doing that. I think the damn, poor annoying timepiece must have read well enough the writing on the wall: that there is no curse for alarm, whether in this world or in the one to come.
You read that Sunday Sun headline, last Sunday, didn’t you?: “Retirees curse governors leaving without paying them…Plateau, Abia, Delta, Imo worse hit.” Let me admit this and die if that’s what you people want: I am always alarmed whenever I read stuffs like this. But, as you must have been told, there is no curse for alarm. And there is no alarm for curse. That is to say, curse, especially the kind that comes from elderly people no dey carry alarm. That’s why a lot of people die like fly before they know what hit them.
There’s no curse for alarm or no alarm for curse? Ah, it’s all blessings from our traditional (Tramadol?) rulers or royal (loyal?) highnesses. No curse at all! Ask the kola nuts and bottles of champagnes! Do we use them to curse? Aren’t they no longer meant for blessing? As you all know, loyal highnesses don’t remember the retirees or what governors are doing to them (the retirees, that is) whenever they pour all those loyal (?) blessings, libations on them – whether they are performing or not.
You see, actually, it is not they talking: it is money, the governor’s money. No bi you people say, money answereth all things and, you know, all sorts of names. Money speaks and the more of it there is to go round, the more the blessings and the less the loudness of the alarm that may be raised or sparked. So? No curse for alarm!
“9th NASS leadership: Fear, tension in Senate caucus…As fresh plot to dump Lawan emerges. No cause for alarm, says Lawan, read another headline in the Sunday Sun of May 19, 2019. Meaning: the alarm can continue to blow or ring, not minding the emerging curse or is it, cause? You see, I told you: there is no curse for alarm!
And, just last Monday, Agada Emmanuel, Director of Information at the National Assembly rolled out conditions he said journalists covering the hallowed chambers will need to fulfill before they can be allowed to continue with doing their jobs as from June 11, 2019. They include evidence of incorporation of the media organization, two year tax certificate, proof of membership of the NUJ with registration number and the code of certification from the National Library of Nigeria.
The Nigeria Guild of Editors (NGE) and Nigerian Union of Journalists (NUJ) reacted by condemning what they see as a draconian rule and called for its abrogation. Two or so days later, NASS led by the Senate President, Bukola Saraki, did not only by backing down on the stringent media accreditation conditions, but by also washing his hands off the matter.
In my view, NGE and NUJ reacted too early. All that they would have needed to do is to issue their own guidelines also for journalists, covering NASS. Take for instance, the issue of jumbo pay which many of us have been complaining about for a long time. All that NGE and NUJ would have done is to say that none of their members would write anything in the paper until the concerned politician has shown proof of how much he receives as pay in a month.
In addition, they should also be prepared to show their own tax clearance certificate in the past five years. And, in case, they are making any contribution on the floor of the assembly, it should not be reported until they have gotten written clearance from two third population of their constituency, whether at the House of Representatives or Senatorial level. And, this will be after the journalists concerned had done their own independent investigation to ensure that the signatures contained in the signed documents were not cloned. They should also swear with the mace of the Assembly that they want their views reported either in electronic or print media. I must say that as a journalist myself, I am not happy the way the whole thing ended without a good fight. Anyway, since the matter was resolved without further fuss, there is no curse for alarm
But how about the news of the protest rocking Lagos over the state of Mile 2 – Badagry expressway which some road construction contractors from China are said to have been building since only God-knows-when. No curse for alarm there too? Ah, only last week, some folks gathered on the road to curse not only the alarm clock said to have stopped working, after the promised date of completion passed, but also everybody that failed to raise the alarm clock after it fell into one of the deep gullies on the road.
I understand that, with the onset of the rains, that the road may be upgraded from impassable to the next haven for bandits, kidnappers and, who knows, our good (?) people formerly living in Sambisa Forest. In light of this fact, I suggest they concession that road to pako (wooden) bridge constructors, in the spirit of public-private partnership.
As anybody who had ever used their services can testify, they are doing pretty well in many places in Lagos, as far as bridge construction is concerned. So? Let’s raise the alarm, sorry, curse the alarm before it is too late. Please, let’s lease out the construction of Badagry Expressway to Lagos Pako Bridge contractors. I am sure they will do better job than the present crop of contractors. After all, road na road. All we need is just to run on it and get to our destination.
And, just as I was planning to go to bed, someone cursed alarm by accusing our Baba, Chief Olusegun Obasanjo of planning to divide the country over his statement that Boko Haram, especially the Islamic State West Africa Province (ISWAP), faction of it, is out for the Fulanisation and Islamisation of Africa, including Nigeria. Like I stated at the start of this article, there is no curse for alarm. But if there is a cause for alarm or alarm for a cause or curse, I wouldn’t know.