It is a beautiful thing to fall in love and enjoy a blissful relationship with your partner. The constant loving gazes, sweet touches, lingering hugs, steamy lovemaking and effortless communication makes couples happy to be with one another.
But keeping the tempo of your relationship and sustaining the flame of your love is not easy. Sometimes, couples fall out of love and start seeking emotional, sexual and physical support elsewhere and before you know it, their relationship comes to an end.
Some relationships don’t end with a huge fight, sometimes things change more slowly before couples even realize what’s going on. It is possible for a man or woman to end up in a place where they are no longer interested in their relationship anymore, even if they think that they are.
The end of a relationship shouldn’t be the end of your life. It is meaningless trying to force yourself on someone who has fallen out of love with you––you are hurting yourself the more. You need to talk to them to find out what happened to the love you once shared and if they insist that the relationship is over, move on with your life.
Will it hurt? Yes. Will you feel bad seeing some of their things around in your apartment? Yes. Will you feel lonely and sad that a part of you no longer belongs in your life? Yes. Will you feel empty at some point because you now start doing things alone after a long time of doing the same things with the one you love? Yes.
Sometimes, it is not your partner who no longer wants to be in the relationship. Knowing that you may not actually still want your relationship doesn’t necessarily make ending it any easier, but it could spur you to consider what you really may want, and could mean less heartache in the long run.
If you don’t want to spend quality time with your partner, that could be a red flag that there’s something going on in your relationship or, at least, that is how you feel about it.
Enjoying spending time with your partner, regardless of what you are doing together, is often one of the fundamental parts of a relationship, so when this part is missing, it may mean that there’s a bigger issue at play.
Figuring out what’s going on and what might be keeping you from wanting to spend time with your partner could help you determine if the relationship should end, or if there’s something that you can do to address the situation.
If you would rather spend time with other people instead of with your partner, that too could potentially mean that you are no longer interested in your relationship. You should think more about it to figure out what might be causing these feelings.
Is your relationship still young and not at the point where you feel comfortable or want to share these things with your significant other? Do you feel disconnected from them emotionally? How has your communication been with this person, how deep and vulnerable have you been with them?
Keeping a relationship is not easy. It’s normal for relationships to go through some ups and downs, which is why it’s important to evaluate whether this is a natural process that your relationship is going through or a sign of something deeper that could lead to the end of your relationship.
When something is off in your relationship, it would typically upset you because you would want to figure out what that is and how you can fix it.
But if you are okay with the idea that there’s something that fells off in your relationship, this could potentially mean that you don’t actually want to be in the relationship anymore. Some people describe this as not being in love anymore, or compare it to being roommates.
The person you are in a relationship with should be someone with whom you want to share big news. If you decide to share that news with coworkers, friends, family, or someone else instead of with your partner, that may be something that should make you pause.
Wanting to tell other people something big that happened in your life doesn’t necessarily mean that you want the relationship to end, but if your partner is the last person you want to tell, you might want to reflect a bit more about why that might be.
Typically, you want to share the things that are the most important to you with the people most important to you. If your significant other does not come to your mind when you think about those people, it may indicate something lacking in the relationship, namely, a depth of attachment in the relationship.
This doesn’t necessarily mean that you are ready for your relationship to end. It’s possible that your relationship hasn’t progressed to the point where you feel free to share some things with your partner. But thinking through the reasons behind your feelings can be a good idea.
Relationships require compromises sometimes, but if you are no longer willing to make those compromises for the good of your relationship that could be a sign that you are not as invested in the relationship as you used to be.
These things are all not as noticeable as the big, knock-down, drag-out fights; they tend to creep in slowly. In some ways, it’s even worse because there’s nothing that draws your attention to it, telling you there’s a problem that needs attention.
If you could spend time with your partner, but decide not to, that could be another sign that things aren’t going well. Again, you might need to spend some time thinking about why you feel this way.
Talk to your partner to find out if they are feeling the same way, or if the change is just coming from your side. If you and your partner are both committed to your relationship and working out your issues together, then couple’s counseling might be the next step for you and your partner.
Thinking about your partner from time to time is totally normal in a relationship. You may not spend all of your time thinking about them, but if you are really not spending much time thinking about them, it might be time to think about what’s going on with you before moving on to evaluate what’s going on in your relationship.
Are you satisfied and interested in other things you have going on in your life, like your work, friends, hobbies, etc? If you find that you are feeling disinterested about several things in your life, it might be that something is going on with you.
You likely value the opinions of those closest to you, including your partner. If you no longer particularly care about what they think, however, that could indicate that you may not be fully invested in the relationship.
After checking in with yourself to see how you are feeling about things, a good next step is to consider what sort of relationship you have with your partner, how you feel about them, and what you ultimately want. That can help you determine where to go from where you are.
If you are no longer putting in the effort for your relationship to succeed, that might mean that you are not interested in keeping things going any longer. But if you notice that you are not putting in the effort and you can point to reasons as to why that might be the case, maybe you do want to improve your relationship after all, not call it quits.
If you want to do something to improve the relationship, it’s probably time to check in with your partner. Find out if they are feeling the same way and talk about what you both would do to spice things up. Make time for your partner, and for the relationship, make it a priority again.
Are you in a rut? Make some plans to add some adventure back in, take a weekend trip, go see a movie together, try a new restaurant, or make a point to spend some time alone. Is there some resentment that has built up that need to be hashed out? Talk it through with your partner.
Ultimately, you may choose to end the relationship if it’s true that you are just no longer interested in keeping things going or in putting in the work required to help your relationship succeed.
And even though it’s hard to hurt someone, if you are not actually interested in them or don’t want the same things that they do anymore, you might have to make a tough decision and let them know so that they can be free to find someone who would truly love them.
Re: Lessons men must learn before they can make good partners
You have started this year with your men-bashing articles. What about lessons women must learn to make good wives? Have you taught women how to make their men happy?
Do you know how many men are suffering in silence with Jezebels they call wives and have no one to talk about the hell they are experiencing? You should try and be fair to men. Not all men are bad. Talk about good men too and how bad women are treating them like slaves in their own homes.
-Pascal Ndukwe, Awka
Kate, I pray that God will continue to bless you, give you wisdom and prosper you on every side. You are indeed a blessing to your world!
-Pamela, Port Harcourt
Kate, whenever I read from you, I am happy that there are women like you who have made it their life’s mission to correct the mindset of men and women regarding relationships and marriages.
Indeed, men have to unlearn a lot of things regarding relationships because their behaviour stinks. Some men think they are doing women a favour by marrying them. Thank you for that expository piece last week.
There’s light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to relationships and marriages through your persistent and instructive write-ups. Peace, harmony and happiness in marriages are things that must be achieved.
Pst. Stephen, Abuja