I was going for Kenneth Hagen’s Camp Meeting in Tulsa, Oklahoma, a few months after the wedding of Lady Di and Prince Charles and our plane was filled literally with the relics of the auspicious wedding – ‘I was there’. When I was returning to Nigeria, I sat in the plane with an old couple. Age seemed to have robbed much of the husband’s dentition. He literally gnawed his dinner and passed some to me, an act I could not explain, whether it was motivated by kindness or to relieve him from the agony of eating his meal!
Teasing him, his wife said to me, “You see this man, don’t mind him, I’m older than he is. We are Scottish-Americans. We’re travelling to Scotland to celebrate our 50th marriage anniversary”. That was another good news about marriage to me, all around England. When the marriage of Prince Charles with Lady Di later failed, I remembered this couple. I remembered that they were still in marriage after 50 years by the time we met. I wondered why the marriage of the upcoming king of England should fail, while that of this humble couple succeeded. Could it be that the Royal couple was not tightening the knots of their marriage while the Scottish-American couple was doing that?
No marriage can succeed unless the knots are oiled and tightened, wealth, royal trappings, et cetera, notwithstanding. Princess Michal, being King Saul’s daughter, had a number of ladies serving her. Pharaoh’s daughter also had a retinue of ladies at her disposal, when she rescued the infant Moses. Imagine what might have happened the day Uncle David, a mere shepherd boy, went to the Palace to play music for King Saul, when evil spirits were troubling him. That could have been the first day he entered such a luxury place. Imagine Michal seeing David at the dining table, holding the fork and knife wrongly. She might have shunned him. ‘Village boy,’ she might have sneered. God only has the record of the number of times David might have answered her, ‘Yes Ma’.
God has a peculiar way of balancing equations for the benefit of His children. He made David perform a fit, which King Saul and his entire Army could not. He killed General Goliath, the mighty champion of Gath. It raised his status immediately. The women, like all women of every land and age, could not restrain their emotion, nor considered the implication of their outburst, when they sang a song that raised his status higher than that of King Saul. It might have made much impact on Michal, erasing her bias about him. When Merab, her elder sister, disappointed David in marriage, she exploited the opportunity and married him. The marriage brought joy and expectations to both, each having enviable fame, earned by valour or thrust by birth. Michal risked her life one day in delivering David from death schemed by her father. The marriage, however, was a disaster because the knots were never tightened.
Spiritual growth of a couple is important for any marriage to succeed. “Be strong in the Lord,” the Bible enjoins us in Eph 6:10. A life of Prayer and Bible study enhances this. It is unfortunate that many couples relax in building themselves spiritually after wedding. Couples may have experiences they cannot explain and then resort to blaming each other, not knowing that the devil is at work. Prayer is the solution. All manner of prayers is expected from them – Eph. 6:18. Our first daughter married for seven years without children and a close relation ridiculed her on it. My wife and I prayed. God answered and changed the situation, blessing them twice with twins. For a certain Pastor, it was ten years. One day, he challenged God and He visited them with children. Prayer brings a couple to intimacy.
Bearing malice has ruined many homes. Princess Michal had much of it – 2 Sam 6:14-23. God’s people, except Michal, were in celebration for the Ark of God, which was brought home. She rather despised her husband, and found fault with his dancing. David did her much wrong by going on exile without informing her. When he returned and became the king, she left her husband and returned to him, not knowing that he had married six other wives.
Trust is a knot that couples must tighten. David trusted Jonathan, Michal’s brother, acquainting him with his plan to go on exile but not his wife, who saved his head. Many spouses are like him, sharing intimate things with their friends but not with their spouses. Trust, however, has always been abused and it inflicts deep wounds. A woman visited her younger brother and caught him pant-in-hand, sleeping with her daughter! A man was jailed nine years this year for impregnating his daughter. Will women be policing their husbands to avoid defiling their daughters?
The knot of communication is very loose in many homes. Some spouses pretend that they are not loud but not when they meet their peers. Two men were travelling from Jerusalem to Emmaus, as recorded in Luke 24:13-15. What attracted Jesus in going with them was their intimate fellowship. It can be likened to a couple on the long journey of marriage. I wrote some time ago, how a man gave a note to his wife, because they were not on speaking terms, to wake him from sleep at 6pm. At 6pm, Aunty wrote a note and kept it by the bedside. Uncle raved when he woke up after 8pm. Aunty pointed her finger to the note. Uncle sued for peace. Nabal, in 1 Sam 25:4-37, was not communicating to Abigail, his wife, not even telling her of the lavish party he threw. In the US couples appreciate themselves. In Nigeria, we blame.
God’s command is mutual submission – Eph 5:21. Wives are however, specifically told to submit to their own husbands in everything, while husbands are to love their wives as Jesus loved the Church – Eph 5:22-29.
The sex knot needs to be tightened. May we not think that the less of sex, the more spiritual a spouse is. It is the oil that lubricates marriage. It shows deep affection. Many wives, however, complain that men make it their affairs, not encouraging them to participate. Men’s defence is that, their haste attitude is prompted by the fact that they do not know when the grumbling visa issued to them will be withdrawn!
For further comment, Please contact: Osondu Anyalechi: 0802 3002-471; [email protected]