Waiting until marriage to have sex may sound like an outdated custom, that doesn’t take away the fact that abstinence is still practiced today.
For some people, abstinence would entail no dating until they have found the person they want to marry. Others may be comfortable with the idea of dating, but they draw the line at holding hands and kissing.
Lastly, there’s the group that practices everything but penetrative sex. This means they are saving vaginal sex for marriage, but everything regarding foreplay is considered acceptable.
Here are some opinions for and against having sex before marriage:
John: I think waiting until marriage to have sex is a bad idea
I think waiting until marriage to have sex is a bad idea. I believe many people do not really have sexual experiences and talk about the sex they like because their determination to hold off until marriage usually means that they are not experiencing all that male to female touching has to offer.
I speak from experience because my first wife and I did not engage in premarital sexual intercourse because we did not live by ourselves and our ability to touch one another and bring each other to orgasm was not much different. I was in the university.
I learned that my wife would come once and was done for the evening. I learned that my wife did not like intercourse. I learned that my wife did not enjoy oral sex – not on the receiving end or giving. I realized very early on that masturbation was going to be my survival tool and it was really depressing.
You won’t be happy as a married man if you are not compatible with your wife. There is no way to know if you are sexually compatible unless you experience all types of sexual activity and share your thoughts so that you are on the same page.
So, I believe people who are saving themselves before marriage to have sex will end up frustrated and sad in the future.
Kolade: Every good marriage is based on sexual attraction
What is the point of not having sex until marriage to please some older guys with fifteen century sensibilities? Do you want to have healthy, loving relationship that is going to last for years?
In order to have one, you have to find yourself a match. Every good marriage is based on sexual attraction. You are not getting together to read books in bed. Let’s say you are attracted to the person but that’s not all there is to a marriage.
Let me give an example. You come to a restaurant and they just show you a few dishes. Some of them look delicious. Would you pick one that you are going to eat for years this way? Of course you would want to try it first before you commit. You understand where I’m going with this.
Sexual preferences of people are so different. You may like one thing in your partner and this person just doesn’t have it and vice versa.
You will end up in extremely unpleasant situation of having sex with someone you really don’t like for the serious period of time. Try it out first. You must know you are on the same page with your partner sexually.
It is just amazing how much time people are spending on picking wedding dresses and suits. For days they are making absolutely sure it is the right one but when it comes to picking sex partner for supposedly rest of their lives, they leave it to chance.
Maureen: Sex is much more than pleasure, it is deeper than the physical
If you are concerned about right and wrong, then you must consider the source of your morality. For me, it is the Bible, which very clearly forbids sex outside of marriage. As a Christian, I did wait until my honeymoon—and by then I was 25 and had been lonely a long time—but it was totally the right decision.
Sex is so much more than pleasure; its meaning is so deeper than the physical. It’s the joining of two souls in the deepest intimacy possible to human beings, and it represents the spiritual intimacy we can have with God. As such, it reaches its greatest heights in a committed lifelong marriage.
Furthermore, compatibility is not something you either have or you don’t, it’s something you work on together. To try it out with someone, with the idea that if you don’t like it, you will dump them, is shallow and counterproductive. Sex affects more than the body, and promiscuity deadens the soul.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” I Corinthians 6:18–20.
If you marry the one you love with all your heart, you will be able to develop a fulfilling sex life, with God’s help. If you dally before marriage, it will take away something from the relationship when you do marry.
Alex: Saving sex for marriage is resigning yourself to a disastrous relationship
Sex and physical intimacy are a big part of a relationship, marrying someone when you don’t know if you are compatible that way is stupid.
You are resigning yourself to a potentially disastrous relationship, that may end in divorce, simply because you think a priest or a piece of paper makes the sex special, or more moral.
More generally, by not having sex before marriage, when you finally do get married, you will have no experience and only the vaguest idea of what to do to please your partner.
Doris: Waiting to get married to have sex is a foolish choice
I consider this an incredibly foolish choice. Sexuality is one of the most complex human traits. Waiting until you make a life commitment to someone to learn whether they have even the slightest compatibility with you sexually is just plain foolish.
Sex can be an awesome or disastrous part of everyday life. When we talk about sex and sexuality, you will get a feel of the dissatisfaction many people have with their sex lives. Why, oh why, would you want to wait until you are married to learn about this important aspect of your future life partner?
Patricia: Sex before marriage exposes you to diseases and reproductive issues
You should wait until you are married to have sex. When you engage in sexual activity before you are married, you expose yourself to the possibility of contracting STD which can lead to reproductive issues, cancer, mental illness, and even death.
Premarital sex can also lead to unplanned pregnancies which in turn lead to even harder questions relating to abortion, adoption, and potential single parenthood. Premarital sex can lead to emotional issues such as anxiety, depression, and loss of self-worth. That seems like a lot of potential negative risks for a few seconds of pleasure. Doesn’t it make more sense just to wait?
Plus, if you do wait and your future spouse does too, then the two of you get to share in a secret about each other that no one else will ever know, and there is just something very special about that.
So be a rebel. Go against what society says. Wait until you are married. You will never regret waiting, but there is a chance you will regret it if you don’t.
Wilson: Bad sexual chemistry leads to marital stress
I honestly think that people should experience sex before they get married. You should be sure whether or not his or her way of having sex suits you, and if the two of you are attuned to each other sexually.
Bad sexual chemistry leads to marital stress and finally, to divorce. Before marriage, couples should use condom to prevent pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. They should explore each other’s bodies to know if they can stay together for life.
Anthonia: Having sex before marriage is an emotional risk
It is a hard thing to do but it is great. You save one of the best moments of your life and being for a special day. If you do have sex before marriage, just know it is an emotional risk. This is because you are giving away a piece of you to someone. Sex is an intimate thing whether romantic or just sex. A piece of you goes with the other you had sex with. If you know this and are willing to accept that and want to have sex then that’s your choice. It doesn’t make you a bad person.