From Fred Ezeh, Charity Nwakaudu and Dawn Agu
Cohabiting of unmarried adults male and female is not a new trend in Nigeria. However, when it comes to the nation’s capital city, Abuja, the trend is in a different path. The practice of co-habitation in Abuja has been generally acceptable in the last few years and has successfully coined out a name for itself, the Abuja Marriage.
This is a tradition where an adult male and female are living together without the formality of a wedding, payment of bride price and legalism. This practice is usually fostered by economical issues and unplanned events especially among newcomers to the city.
Yearly, Abuja Marriage is increasing, especially for adults who live in the satellite towns of the city. Howbeit, every city has a surge of newcomers yearly, who have left their hometown in search of greener pastures to move to the city with the hope of a better life.
However, some do not factor in the reality of the struggle that the grasses are not always greener. Some people come without having a job, family members or even friends to stay with while they find their footing and this leaves them with no option than to look for who, to squat with because going home is not an option.
A Daily Sun team investigated why Abuja Marriage is on the rise. Ajuzie Mark from Asokoro said: “I have never been involved in Abuja Marriage but I know someone who used to be in one. She met a young man in a club a few years ago and they started dating shortly after the meeting. None of her friends and myself included knew much about the man.
She is well to do and I could not understand what she saw in the young man because he was not very honest in his dealings. Few months into the relationship, he started staying over at her house. It started as a weekend stay then graduated into daily stay.
“When I enquired to know where he lived, she told me he stayed with a friend in Lugbe and I don’t think my friend ever got to know where he stayed. The relationship lasted for five years and he moved into her house. She totally excommunicated herself from her friends and family.
“She was the one financing the relationship and they have a child but she’s separated from him now. The young man never loved her but her money and he was always cheating on her. The truth that ended the relationship was the fact that he found someone else who was giving him more money than my friend.”
Blessing Yusuf from Karu: “I am a hair stylist from Kogi State. I came to Abuja in 2009, and I didn’t know anyone. I met Charles after squatting with my friend. He was into electronics, I moved in with him. He died two years ago after falling sick but he was very good to me.
“He helped my business and now I manage his business here in Abuja and send money home to his family. We were not married but we have to children.
“We were planning getting married when he died but I happy for my children. I know just his brother in the village. It was at his burial that I met some of his relations. I will try to make my children know his village more, he was Igbo and I do not speak his language.
“I wish we got married but I thank God for the times we spent together. I am grateful.”
Judith Atama, 22, from Jabi, Abuja, narrated how she landed in an unprepared marriage:
“I followed my aunt from the village to Abuja in 2014. Before I embarked on the journey, she told me that in Abuja, there are lots of job opportunities, that once I get to Abuja, I will get a well paid job; that her husband already has one vacancy in his office.
“When we got here, the reverse became the case. For good one year, I was at home doing baby-sitting. When I insisted that I wanted to work, everything changed. One fateful day when I came back, I saw my things outside. She said her husband said I should leave his house since I could not wait for him to get me a job.
“I moved to a friend’s house but discovered she was into prostitution. When she encouraged me to join the business and I refused, another trouble started. I had no option than to move to my boyfriend’s place thinking that I would stay there and raise some money to rent my own apartment. It never happened. Rather, I started bearing children for him.
“In December 2017, he travelled home to see his mother. After two days he called me that he could not continue with that kind of life. He said he never told me he wanted to marry; that I forced myself on him, that I was the cause of his poverty. Till date, I have not seen or heard from him. That was how I destroyed my destiny with my hands. I now sell sachet water to cater for myself and two children.”
Joy Enejo, 25, from Maitama, Abuja, married a father of five without knowing that his family is in Lagos: “We dated for two years before we started having children. He provided everything I needed but he never took me out neither was he comfortable seeing me with friends.
“I have ever wondered why he never wanted to introduce me to his family or marry me properly, knowing that he is very rich until January 4, last year. A woman called me and was shouting at me to leave her husband alone, that they are happily married and have five children. She sent their wedding pictures and that of the children to me on Whatsapp.
“The heat from the wife was too much. When I confronted him, he didn’t say anything. Now, my life is scattered. Where am I going with my three daughters? I am very confused right now.”
Some young men also lamented that because of the new style of marriage in town, they were afraid of taking some female friends to their apartments to avoid being trapped.
John Ani from Kuje: “I met this beautiful lady and we started dating. She later moved in with me when she became pregnant. Not that I could not marry her properly but I thought it would be better to invest the money and make more profit for the upkeep of the family.
“After the birth of our first baby, she took in again. This time she became very ill that I could not keep it to myself. She gave me the contact of her people, I called the mum and she came down to Abuja but unfortunately, she passed on.
“I did the marriage ceremony from the beginning to the end before the burial rite was done. Everything I had laboured for was lost. I will not encourage, even my enemy, to live with a woman that he is not married to it is very risky. I saw hell during that period.”
Victor Eke: “I don’t know what is wrong with ladies of these days. Once they visit and discover you have a conducive environment, they start from passing nights to spending weekends and from weekend, they move in completely. I am not interested in that kind of marriage, l have stopped bringing ladies to my house to prevent that.”
However, a mother of three, Florence Sesugh, did not see anything wrong in two adults who are in love co-habiting. She said that was how she married her husband and they are blessed with three boys.
A clergy, Henry Tim, advised youths to desist from the act, as it is not acceptable in the sight of God: “It is a sin and very risky considering the level of insecurity in the country.”