Sir Robert Jonah Lokoson is from Bayelsa State while Lady Sarah Kaneng Lokoson is from Plateau State. The ethnicity difference notwithstanding, they met and agreed to marry in 1987. Now married for 32 years and blessed with four children, the couple shares the secret of their marriage bliss with FEMI FOLARANMI.
How did you meet before you eventually got married to each other?
Husband (pointing in her direction): We met through her cousin. We were childhood friends. So it was when she visited her uncle who was my neighbour that I saw her and took interest in her. But I did not mention it immediately to her but kept on looking at her with extraordinary interest each time that she came around to visit her uncle. And after sometime I tried to indicate interest because then I was still in the university. I think it was about two or three years later that I openly indicated my interest and she accepted and we continued with the relationship.
Wife: Yes that was the way we met
Was there any opposition to the relationship?
Husband: When we were courting there was, in fact, some friends that also had interest in her but I had the upper hand. Along the line, when we wanted to get married, her people wanted somebody from their area. Those of us from this part of the country, old Rivers State then, were regarded as Igbo people. There was the initial resistance but along the line the family accepted and we forged ahead with the relationship and also married. Even from my side too, initially my immediate younger sister and elder sister opposed it because they had somebody else in mind but I told them no. Gradually, she eventually became the favourite of the family.
What made you to go for her?
Husband: It was her character and beauty. She was just like an innocent girl. She was completely different and she was very committed to her religious activities. She was of the protestant group. She was so serious with her religious activities sometimes I used to tease her that I opened her eyes to many things (general laughter)
So, Madam, what did you see in him that made you agree?
Wife: He was really gentle. Also I was looking for the size, height in particular. I don’t want my children to be short like me (laughs). He was very respectful and humble. Any time he came to the house to see my mother he showed her much respect. These were the things that attracted me to him. Even when they were saying this man is from Igbo, I was the favourite of my uncle and he was especially against the relationship because he believed they don’t treat women well. He (my uncle) said he wanted my happiness.
How did you propose to her?
Husband: (General laughter). In fact I just met her one day and said: ‘I want to marry you o’. She just laughed and did not take me serious. Because, number one, I was still in the university, it was towards my 300 level. She was like: ‘how would I do it since I was still a student’ but I told her that God would make a way. But I was able to convince her and she accepted. That was in 1986 and by 1987, we got married.
What can you remember most about the wedding day?
Wife: I remembered the dancing steps that day (laughs). I remembered my youngest sister. There was this competition from family members as everybody wanted to show that they are there. My people and his people, especially younger sisters, were there to show who can show solidarity most. The dance was so serious. I don’t even know how the video recording got spoilt.
Husband: We wanted the wedding to be small. I remembered I printed about 100 cards, because we did not want too many people.
Wife (cuts in): It was not up to 100.
Husband: Yes, it was not up to 100 but the people that came were overwhelming. The excitement, the happiness and joy that people appreciated us even though we did not extend the invitation to them, they all came. I was very happy about it.
Can you remember your first misunderstanding in marriage and how you handled it?
Husband: The first misunderstanding was when she visited her family and she came back late because that time there was no mobile phone. I was angry and picked quarrel. But it didn’t last long because we had mutual trust for each other.
What is your husband’s favourite food?
Wife (Laughs): Pounded yam and egusi soup.
What is your wife’s favourite food?
Husband: She likes rice and beans but sometimes because of my own choice she tries to align herself to my choice.
What advice do you have for a young bachelor?
Husband: He should follow his mind. If you intend to marry, there shouldn’t be external influence because sometimes it is: ‘oh, it is this person that made me to marry her.’ So follow your mind. As you follow your mind, you know that is what you want. And so you search your mind and ask yourself: ‘is she truly what I want?,’ If she is what you want then go for her and remain focused. Since it is your mind that you followed, then there shouldn’t be deviation along the line, no matter what comes. Most of the times, it is when it is not from your mind, that is, when some people cannot tolerate that every time you have misunderstanding you want to think of quitting. But if your mind is there, no matter the storm, you remain focused.
Madam, what advice do you have for a spinster planning to get married?
Wife: It is for her to accept the family, both families. If she accepts both families, there won’t be any problem. Because when some people are getting into marriage they give conditions like your father and mother are like this, your people are like this. It is only one side, the woman in the house always wants to accommodate her own people, and those are the problems. If you accept your husband’s family, there won’t be any problem.
Now with the rampant cases of divorce, what advice would you give a newly wedded couple on how to make their marriage long lasting like yours?
Wife: Communication is the key. They have to communicate. As old as we are, if he is not coming home early, he will text me. If I go out and I am not coming home early, I’ll communicate to him, not that there is no trust but let your partner know your whereabouts. Some years back when I had my third baby, my girlfriend came and said she wanted to go out with me but I said I was not strong that she should go with my husband. Somebody saw them and unknown to her that I knew where they were going to, left that place since there was no mobile phone and ran to tell me what she saw. I laughed and told her not to worry that I was aware. Communication is very important.
Husband: Yes, just like she rightly said communication is important. Then there is need to do things together. You shouldn’t be doing things separately or secretly that you don’t want your wife to know about it. We should be open to each other. Next we need to be prayerful. Praying together every time helps. As much as it is possible, do things together. Eat together if it possible because as you sat down to eat, you can be discussing, reflecting on what happened. It is believed couples are the best gossips. Like we, for instance, we eat together, we are bonded by that, except if I am not around or she cannot wait. Also, it is good to help your wife at home. The fact that she is my wife does not mean I should not assist her. When the children were younger, I even used to carry them on my back. Till today I do cook. I would tell her to rest that I would cook. Sometimes, the children would say: ‘Daddy, it has been long we ate your food’, and then I would go to the kitchen and cook once you get me all the ingredients. So we assist each other and do things together. Prayer is very important. Couples should also not listen to outsiders. A lot of people come with deceit and advise you wrongly so as to lead you astray but with prayer, you would surmount those things. Once you overcome, your marriage would continue to be strong. There should be tolerance and patience.