They were in a relationship for four years. They recently started fighting too much. She decided it was best they went their separate ways. She told him it was over between them.
He became enraged. He decided to teach her an unforgettable lesson. He set ablaze her family house and killed some of her family members.
According to news reports, the guy, an ex-convict, brought a jerry can laden with petroleum in the midnight, gained entrance into the building by breaking a window, and sprayed the family while they were asleep.
The dispute between the suspected arsonist and the estranged lady was said to have been reported earlier at the police station and settled.
However, dissatisfied with the settlement by the Police, the guy decided to set the house on fire to punish her. But what he didn’t know was that she travelled outside town the previous day after their big fight.
Blinded by his rage, he killed her innocent family members who didn’t hurt or offend him and ran away from home after perpetrating the evil act.
This is why people should run away from obsessive love. Obsessive love is dangerous. It is like a raging fire that burns down everything in its wake. Until you know the signs of obsession, you won’t realize it.
Sometimes love and obsession may become blurry. You need to understand the signs of obsession to know what you are experiencing. When someone is obsessed over you, your relationship becomes so dramatic that it can become deadly if you are not careful.
Maybe you don’t think your partner is behaving obsessively, maybe you think receiving a call from them 50 times a day is normal—it’s not. If you think getting approval for what you wear out tonight is them exercising their styling techniques—it’s not. So, whether you are the one obsessing or someone is obsessing about you, you need to know the signs.
Obsession is picture-perfect in the beginning. You need to pay attention to these signs of obsession and take care of your heart.
You feel something is a little off. You already know that something isn’t right. You already feel a little off with the entire relationship, which is great. If you feel it, then you know it is happening. Now, all you need to do is get yourself out of it because this feeling won’t go away.
If you don’t have any personal space, you are in an obsessive relationship. In healthy relationships, you don’t need to see that person every day. Sometimes, you just want a day to go out alone and do your own thing but they need to be around you all the time. They need to know every single thing you are doing and make sure it doesn’t go against their plan.
You don’t enjoy privacy because your partner has your passwords for your social media and email accounts because they need to know what you do all the time. They need to make sure that you are not cheating on them. You no longer have any privacy, they own you. Your privacy, if you are lucky, is going to the bathroom alone.
An obsessive lover is very jealous. Jealousy is an understatement to how they feel. They don’t like when people look at you, they don’t like if you dress too sexy. In all honesty, they just want you locked up at home in a potato sack. If you have friends of the opposite sex, that’s a big problem. They are insecure and cannot handle any threats.
An obsessive lover pulls you away from friends and family. They are cool around your friends and family in the beginning, but after a while, they start to pull you away from them. They don’t like your friends, your family annoys them, or they feel like your parents don’t like them. This all an act to keep you emasculated. They just play the victim so that you feel bad and stand by their side. This means to abandon your friendships for them.
They assume you cheat on them. If you don’t answer their text after fifteen minutes, you are cheating on them. If you call them back an hour after you are done with work, you are cheating. They don’t trust anything you say, really.
In the beginning, they are cool. Everything’s fine, but after a while, they start to ask you for your passwords, start to question who you talk to. They don’t trust you.
An obsessive lover claims their behaviour is all about protecting you. They tell you that all they want to do is protect you. They don’t want you to go out with your friend tonight because they want to keep you safe. They must go to the shopping mall with you because they don’t want you harassed. You can do anything you want, and you don’t need to be protected unless you ask for their assistance.
To an obsessive lover, there’s always a but when it comes to who you are. They tell you all the time about how perfect you are but also criticize you for small things. Maybe you are beautiful, but you should lose some weight. These types of people look for your weaknesses. By finding them, they use them against you to control you and make you insecure so that you don’t leave them.
If you are with someone who is obsessed with you, you feel like you are going insane. If you feel like you are not yourself anymore, it’s because you are not. They try to suck everything out of you and turn you into their personal slave.
Obsessive lovers tell you that they will never let you go when they meet you for the first time. They become completely obsessed with you. You may think that this phrase is sweet but it will haunt you in the long run.
Usually, when you ask an obsessive lover about their dating history, they always talk about how their exes were crazy. Don’t fall for that. I mean, they probably were crazy because this person made them go literally insane with their manipulative behavior. If this is the only word they use to describe their partner, this is a huge red flag. In other words, run.
On social media, they know every single thing about you. They know who commented on your profile photo, who likes your pictures the most, what you post, when you post things—they know it all. This is one of those big signs of obsession you can’t ignore.
Such people go to places you visit frequently, eat in the places where they know you are going to be. You somehow see them everywhere even when you never told them where you would be. They are good at stalking you just to know what you are up to.
Obsessive lovers make threats to you or themselves. Because they are insecure, they feel they won’t be able to do anything without you. If you try to break up with this person, instead of saying, “Okay, I understand,” they switch and talk about how they want to kill themselves or they will never allow you to break up with them. That’s not love. If it was, they would, of course, be sad and confused, but they would let you go.
Now you know the signs of obsession, are you obsessed or in love? Is your partner obsessed or in love? If your partner is obsessed, you need to take the steps in getting out of the relationship because in most cases, things don’t end well.
Re: A broken engagement better than a lifetime of misery
Kate, I am deeply delighted and glad for Alice for finding courage to say no to a potential abuser. What most ladies need to avoid a life time mistake is the kind of courage Alice had. Life is too precious for anyone to commit himself or herself to a life time of misery. -Steven, Abuja
You are still the old hateful and man-hating bitch that you were last year. You still don’t see anything good in Nigerian men. You have refused to talk about how Nigerian women are cheating on her husbands with small boys in their neighbourhood. You have refused to talk some sense into young ladies who are selling their bodies for money. All you do is castigate men and insult them. -Obinna, Aba
I take pleasure in reading your column. Breaking an engagement is difficult but only the courageous and the wise do that to protect themselves from future heartaches. -Emeka, Onitsha
A marriage that will lead to a lifetime of misery should end up in engagement because marriage is life investment. -Chika Nnorom, Umukobia
Men and women have the right to change their minds after engagement but women are more deadly in comparison to men whne it comes to negative behaviour. -Sunny, Calabar
Classic Kate who never sees anything good in Nigerian men, you just had to spin the story to paint the guy bad. You deliberately turn a blind eye to the abominations women like you are committing against men. You are worse than a viper. You are using your column to raise more vipers like you so that the marriage institution can be demonized. Your plans have failed. -Pastor Frank, Abuja
Kate, readers haven’t forgotten your iron law/theory that the success or failure of any love relationship rests on the two people involved. Your advice in last week’s piece was swell captured and should be heeded by both genders. -0706….560
May God bless you for what you do for women through your column! I always read your column to my younger sisters so that they can have some sense and not allow abusive and controlling men destroy their lives all because of relationships. You are doing a good job. No woman should go into marriage with a manipulative and abusive guy. They are bad news. -Peace, Lagos