As I looked out from my window one early Friday morning, I saw Peggy, a witty beautiful lady, in a flowery house robe seeing off her boyfriend to work by their door. The duo were in love and looked good together. At first sight, I simply assumed she is a woman that knows the power of her sexuality and feminism because her beauty, composure and charisma would strike a first timer. On a closer inquiry, I discovered that both have been through the process of dating from their university and national youths service years after many years ago and are still on the journey without end. It was also revealed that most of their contemporaries had settled down in marriage, and the others parted ways as students.
Peggy and Ambrose became inseparable blind lovers who were doing hide and seek game for a good number of fruitful years. It was on one of those their disagreement days that Peggy took off in anger and on her return for reconciliation, a younger youth corps member has shown up with two-month-old pregnancy. Initially the younger girl was not welcomed, but when she sat with her small bag into the wee hours of the night, she was allowed in and that was it. Marriage which was Peggy’s focal point that kept her in the long relationship has been denied her. She was offered to play the second fiddle and she spat on his face. Who wouldn’t?
Peggy is not alone in this unconditional long wait in a relationship. It is still happening to people who allow it and the novice who do not understand the dangers it poses.
Challenges of a long date share a parallel line with sorrow because both are not easy procedures to manage. Sometimes, people who engage themselves in the course seem to get it all wrong, especially for the women bearing in mind the fertility age. While most people go into relationships for different reasons, it is also possible that the purpose of that move might have expired without the victim realizing it and the relationship keeps dragging. It then becomes unhealthy and crabby.
It is high time people came to terms with the fact that there has not been any identified gain in a long dating game. The truth is that some victims cannot explain the reason for their long stay in a bond. Some men and women do not have the ability to communicate what they feel about the long stay; yet they are in a relationship. Issues would come up and be settled, and the victims are on top of their game. The ladies hope upon unending hope that marriage would spring its head anytime and, therefore, long dating becomes compulsory. No it should not be.
In most long dates, which usually lead to co-habitation, one cannot put away the power of romantic moves and sexual pleasures because blood flow in the veins of the two concerned. They are a pseudo-couple except that their families have not come together to give their consents and pronounce them husband and wife. Whatever sexual drives that couples enjoy, long dates do not deny themselves such desires because they have a NAFDAC No. called ‘dating’ which permits them to chase the wild goose. There are times when some of those careless rough rides lead to unwanted pregnancy which could either be suicidal or otherwise.
For starters, the tendency to go into abortion will be the next option since marriage is not pronounced yet. Those careless abortions might lead to other damage and the baggage of loss keeps escalating.
Exactly how women who are victims of long dates can have multiple deadly abortions which may close up a womb while the man keeps flirting with other women. It is this rascality that leads to depression mostly for women; but while going through the gloom, these are essentially different strokes for different folks.
Examples abound where a lady expressed her disappointment after a long date and another person was chosen in her place by going to disrupt the church activities while another poisoned the wedding food as a result of disillusioned long date that turned sour. In her revelation she said:“We were known as would-be-couple as we agreed and had been in a very long date for years. When the bubble burst that he has found another women he will marry, I didn’t make too much noise over it. I simply pretended and acted my scripts well. Both parents washed off their hands from the matter. Cooking for the party started and I poisoned the food, it was discovered at the reception hall when instant diarrhea engulfed the celebration”.
Similarly, men too suffer heartbreak when a long dating partner finally quits. They also feel the heat because they are human, even while trying to jump into other relationships as consolation, they would have lost something.
This was exactly how two medical doctors dated and became a source of derision among their colleagues. While the lady was tired of the dragging relationship because it has become dry and drab, nothing more to it, no new vibes, no flavour and colours to it again and marriage proposal was not coming forth, her boo was trying to reassure himself over and over while both were frolicking in town waiting for the final pronouncement. In that dilly-dalling moves, the babe moved on and found love in the arms of an Engineer in a blue-chip company and settled down. The boy campaigned all over town how she abandoned him for someone else after years of waiting.
Another danger that stares long-dating cohabiting partners in the face is sudden death that could strike to disrupt the process; and it will not be an easy task for the surviving partner.
Again, long dates do not command respects between those involved and their friends as most of them part ways out of bitterness, accusations and become sworn enemies. All the wasted time, effort, energy and the misunderstanding that should have shaped them into a better partnear in life becomes a waste. The aftermath of the whole saga is shame which follows both partners like a shadow.
It is worthy to note that when a man and a woman decide to lock themselves in a dragging long date, it might not be the best for them because there is no gain whatsoever.
Just like an associate professor of high repute began this journey with a lady and they are over 20 years in the relationship, locked in spirit, soul and bound in sexual pleasures; yet, nothing has happened between them. There is no child to show for the years of being together. The woman headed towards her menopausal age with wrinkled face and aged overnight because she is not in a happy relationship and there is not much she can do now. The tension, stress and discomfort associated with long dating and cohabiting is not worth all the trouble. At the end of the day, both would have left their active years and age clumsily for just no reason.
Long dating does not exist between adults alone. Students engage in this practice while in school and cover themselves up. They cohabit a lot in various schools because of fantasy and freedom in their hands. They explore all sorts of passionate drives ignorantly. Some scale through it while other sink in it. Some simply sum it up as “passing through school while the school passes through them.” Long dates have no definition and no basis; the end result does not give a sweet savour.
It, therefore, calls for all to be wise with no exception. In this digital age, one will surely date as people in love, but when the long date will cause embarrassment, run away from it. All should beware!