It was love in every sense of the word. You and your sweetheart couldn’t do without each other and after years of courtship, you got married. It felt like heaven. You believed it would remain so forever.
But what happens when your in-laws keep poisoning your other half’s mind against you? It hurts right? You suddenly feel like a stranger in your home filled with fear and anger too.
And instead of your partner standing by you, they take sides with their family. As the days go by, you experience many more scenarios of their toxicity in your relationship that leaves you at your wit’s end. You are not alone. Many men and women are dealing with toxic in-laws.
Toxic in–laws are in–laws who create genuine chaos through various assaults, aggressive or subtle insults on you and your marriage. You have to understand that outright confrontation won’t solve your problems. You need to be calm and decide your course of action.
Below are five ways to wade off the negative impact of toxic in-laws on your relationship:
Unite as a couple
The best way to protect your marriage from destructive in-laws is to unite with your partner. Rather than allowing in-law problems divide you both, seize every opportunity to behave in a way that strengthens your marriage.
Refuse to listen to your parent’s gossip about your spouse, and don’t complain to your spouse about his or her parents. Communicate with your mate, make him or her priority over your parents, reach loving compromises and present a united front to relatives.
Your partner doesn’t need to know everything that happens between you and his parents. Only inform him when things get out of control. Otherwise, have faith that you are capable of dealing with them. Give priority to your relationship and always be loyal to each other.
Set healthy boundaries
Set boundaries for your in-laws. They can always provide you with suggestions but accepting them should be your prerogative. If you find them doing injustice to you, speak out firmly. Don’t keep quiet and hold grudges inside. Also, don’t let them interfere when it comes to your relationship with your husband or children.
Often, the difference in parenting styles causes rifts between the daughter-in-law and the husband’s parents. Toxic in-laws try to manipulate their daughters-in-law to make them feel guilty and bow down under pressure. Don’t let that happen to you. These situations call for your firm attitude. Refuse to give in to their pressure tactic and hold your ground. They will surely back off when they find that you have taken up a tough attitude.
Learn to deal with your anger
At times, in-laws become too unbearable and you may feel like screaming at them. Just hold on to that temper. Remind yourself that they are actually looking for these opportunities to justify their allegations against you. Don’t fly off the handle, at least in front of them. Find someone reliable to pour your heart out. It can be a friend or a relative, but you must have someone to share all the woes and let yourself cool down.
When things get too harsh, just shut yourself up. Don’t be so nice that they start walking all over you. Maintain a safe distance from them and don’t let them bother you. The best way to handle toxic in-laws is to limit their involvement in your life. Once they find that you are not giving them any space or are least bothered by their negative attitude, they will stop interfering in your life.
Refuse to be manipulated
Stop letting your in-laws manipulate you. Toxic in-laws will have a negative reaction when you draw healthy boundaries with them. They may attempt to manipulate you with guilt until you sacrifice your own needs in order to please them.
It’s extremely important to stand your ground even if they choose to be offended by your stand. Learn to use effective phrases such as, “I’m sorry you are upset, but this isn’t up for negotiation” or “I’m not willing to discuss this with you anymore.’’
Don’t put a strain on your relationship
This is the first thing you need to do. No matter what your toxic in-laws are doing, don’t make your partner suffer for that. You are a family and you have to deal the situation together. Never put your partner in a situation where he or she has to take anyone’s side.