By Kate Halim
Even though dating apps are easy to use, they have made the dating landscape very difficult to navigate. Some people who use these apps to connect with potential lovers end up meeting weird people who make them lose interest in dating.
Nnenna Obasi is a 25-year-old content creator based in Lagos. She told Saturday Sun that due to the nature of her job, she has limited time to meet up and mingle with the opposite sex. Nnenna said she was elated when she met her cousin’s friend on a dating app. She added that she knew the guy when he visited her family home with her cousin some years back.
“This happened to me early this year. I accepted to go out with a guy I knew because he was my cousin’s friend, but that experience left a sour taste in my mouth. I felt safe around him because of his history with my cousin. But that was a big mistake on my part,” she said.
Nnenna revealed that after they had chatted for almost two weeks and exchanged phone numbers, they decided to meet in person. She said she told him to pick her up from her apartment on the island, and he agreed. But when they finally met, she discovered that he was nothing like the guy she had been communicating with.
She said: “He showed me screenshots of pictures and comments from my Instagram account. He criticised my photos and said I posted them for attention. He said he did not like the thought of his woman receiving comments on her photos from many guys. He then said I had to prove that I am a good girl by going home with him and cooking for him the next day, which was a Sunday.”
Nnenna said she was speechless while he continued to list out the qualities he wanted in a wife. She stated that they had never discussed marriage but somehow, he kept telling her how a good wife should look, dress and behave. She added that after two hours of listening to him demean women, talk down on career women, calling working women prostitutes, she told him she was leaving and took a cab home because she didn’t want him to take her home.
The mass communication graduate stated that she got a call from the guy the next day asking when she would come over to his house to cook for him. She said that she told him that having a relationship with him would not work and that he should move on with his life because she couldn’t date or marry someone like him.
“He lost his cool and started calling me names. He said I wasn’t beautiful and that he was just testing me to see if I would behave like a good girl. He reminded me that he knew my home address. That scared me. I thought about him hurting me because I turned him down. I called my cousin and reported the guy to him. I don’t know what my cousin said or did to him but he didn’t pester or threaten me again,” Nnenna said.
When Blessing Asuquo started chatting with a guy she met on a dating app last year, she didn’t know she was courting trouble. Blessing revealed that when she first started chatting with him, he was sweet attentive and loving. She added that they would chat first thing in the morning and late at night before they slept, and that things were moving on fine between them.
According to Blessing, the guy told her that he was an accountant with a firm in Abuja and even showed her his office during a video call weeks after they started communicating online. “One day, he called me out of the blue to say he was in Lagos and wanted us to meet. I thought it was strange but because I liked him, I decided to meet him at a restaurant in Lekki. He chose the restaurant and told me to book an Uber to the place so I wouldn’t take long.”
Blessing, an online food vendor, said she was looking forward to meeting her date but asserted that what happened afterwards shocked her to her bones. Recalling what happened when she finally met her online date face to face, she said she noticed that he looked shorter in person than in the pictures he showed her. She added that while they were eating, he suddenly told her that she would pay for their food because he didn’t have cash with him.
Said Blessing: “I looked up at him when he said I would pay for the food and saw him laughing. He reminded me that I said I was a feminist and that I should live up to my tag by paying for our date. I was so angry that I paid for our food, walked out the door and went home. I made sure to block his number on my phone and on Whatsapp. I also blocked him on social media.”
A lawyer, Oliver Inyama recalled how a lady he met on a dating app robbed him after she pretended to be stranded in Lagos two days after they met in person. Inyama told Saturday Sun that even though he believed that one could meet bad people anywhere, he didn’t know that he would meet a lady who would make him question his belief.
Hear him: “I met this young lady on a dating app in May. She ticked the right boxes for me even though she was based in Port Harcourt. We exchanged numbers and communicated over the phone, she was pleasant to speak with. For a month, we kept in touch on WhatsApp and Facebook. We also exchanged intimate photos and videos. So when she suggested we meet in person, I agreed. I didn’t know that I was setting myself up for heartbreak,” Iyanma said.
Recounting his experience with his online love interest, Inyama said they met one Saturday after she called him to say she was in Lagos for training. He recalled that they had interesting conversations about different topics when they went out for lunch afterwards. He said that he was impressed that she loved politics and football and knew some things about some famous European clubs and their players.
“After having lunch, we went to see a romantic movie, and things heated up emotionally. She asked if we could go to my house so that we could finish what we started, but I said no. I told her that I didn’t want to take advantage of her since we were just meeting for the first time. She didn’t object. We said our goodbyes afterwards and went to our respective homes.”
Inyama stated that two days later, she called him crying on the phone and saying she was stranded. He stated that the young lady told him that the person she was staying with kicked her out and she needed a place to stay for two days before going back to Port Harcourt.
He said he sent his address to her and she came with two big boxes. He said he became a bit confused; he began to wonder why someone who came to Lagos for work-related training had to bring such big boxes along with her. However, he added that he shook off the feeling that something wasn’t right because he didn’t want to be rude to his guest.
Looking back now, Iyanma stated that he should have listened to his instincts because what happened the day after she slept over at his apartment was better imagined than experienced. He said: “We both left the house that Monday morning. I went to work and she said she was going to the venue for her training. We chatted twice afterwards and she told me she was on her way to my apartment. Afterwards, I tried to reach her to know if she was okay because I was heading home but I was unsuccessful.”
Iyanma said he became scared that something bad had happened to her but he got the shock of his life when he got to his apartment. His online lover was nowhere to be found and some valuables were missing from his house. He revealed that the lady had stolen his stash of money, his designer wristwatches, his iPad and his sound system.
“I was shaking when I got into my apartment and discovered that she had stolen my things. I kept thinking of our I exposed myself to a total stranger and how she could have easily harmed me if she had wanted to do so.”
He said that he went online to send her a message but discovered she had blocked him. While Inyama was angry that a lady he met online made a fool of him, he noted that he is thankful that things didn’t get worse. He said since then, he has washed his hands off online dating.
Rachel Obah told Saturday Sun that two months ago, she started chatting with a guy she met on a dating app and had an instant emotional connection with him. She recalled that when they met three weeks after communicating online, it was a beautiful meeting because they were both on the same page. She added that she thought she had met the perfect guy for her but things started to change for the worse after they met.
According to Rachel, her prince charming suddenly started talking about her moving in with him. “I thought it was a joke at first, but when he became persistent about me moving in with him, I told him to slow down and do the right thing and ask for my hand in marriage. I clearly informed him that I wouldn’t move in with him until we got married. He got angry and told me that we didn’t need to get married to cohabit.”
Rachel said that he later apologised for his outburst and they continued to chat and exchange daily messages. She added that one night, he called her to say he was outside her apartment and he needed to come in but her gateman refused to allow him in.
She said: “Fear gripped me. I didn’t tell him my home address and when I asked him how he knew where I lived, he said he followed me from my office. I told him to go back home but he refused. He started fighting my gate man and when some of my neighbours intervened, he fought them too and even injured one of them with a broken bottle.”
In her late 20s, Rachel said she had never experienced something like that before. She stated that later, it was discovered that the guy acted that way because he was under the influence of hard drugs. She added that she didn’t know he consumed drugs but that made her break up with him.
Even though she had a bad experience using a dating app, Rachel said she wouldn’t conclude that all men on the dating app she uses are bad because of one unpleasant experience. She added that these days, she is more careful and doesn’t ignore obvious red flags anymore.