Love is a strong emotion. No one can really give love a proper definition, because no two loves are the same. Love is sweet, beautiful and exhilarating but it can also be bitter, deadly and destructive.
They say that love never dies a natural death, but what kills love in relationships? Why does a couple who can’t stay away from each other in the past suddenly can’t stand each other today? What happened? Why does love die?
Heart Congress spoke to some Nigerians who shared their thoughts on why love dies in relationships. Their diverse thoughts are captured below:
Martins: Love dies because of incompatibility
While it is true that opposites can attract, it is compatibility that would be the deciding factor in a relationship in the long run. The honeymoon period of love would allow you to glaze over whatever faults and idiosyncrasies your partner might have. But time will eventually allow you to see if your relationship will last.
This would allow you to open your eyes to the truth, and sometimes, you will find that no matter how great things were from the start; incompatibility will drive you apart and kill the love you once felt for each other.
Nancy: Constant betrayal kills love
Constant betrayal kills love. No matter how much you love a man, if he keeps lying to you and cheating on you with different women that you are even better than in many ramifications, your feelings for him will start to die. I have known what it was like to be with a cheater. When you have been cheated on, you can never trust your partner completely again. And not being able to trust your man kills your feelings for him slowly until there’s nothing more to hold on to.
It is because of constant betrayal that love dies a slow and painful death. It becomes like living in a personal hell, where your doubts and paranoia consume you and cause your relationship to crumble.
Becky: Love can’t last forever
One thing that fascinates me is listening to the stories of couples who have made their love last. I have learned that nothing really lasts in this generation. Everyone is so used to living a fast-paced lifestyle, even love gets cheapened in the process.
I have found love, lost love, only to find it again. Time and time again, I find myself picking up the fragments of my shattered heart. I would find solace in talking to people, in listening to their stories. I have become fascinated by what they have to tell me, because their stories of love make it seem all the more genuine.
I have heard stories of people breaking up, telling me stories that they had fallen out of love or that there was absolutely no chemistry left. Stories like this leave me terrified. If nothing lasts forever, it means love can’t last forever too.
Chukwudi: Love dies because of unrealistic expectations
When one is in love, one tends to get such unrealistic expectations of the entire relationship. While there is no harm in putting your partner on a pedestal, there is a fine line between idealism and being blind to reality.
People forget that their partners are only human, prone to weaknesses, biases, and faults. Choosing to love someone despite all their frailties is the beauty of love.
Unrealistic expectations can kill relationships, because expectations can lead to disappointments when these expectations aren’t fulfilled. Unfulfilled expectations can then lead to feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, which ultimately cause a relationship to fail.
Chinenye: Love dies when it is not built on solid foundation
When love is built on the weak foundation of self-doubt and dishonesty, it will eventually crumble. Friendship, as strong as it may be, can’t be the only foundation to work on, either.
You need trust, respect, and honesty. You need perseverance to get through love’s trials. Building a relationship on something as fleeting and flimsy as sex, infatuation, or a mutual flirtation will only guarantee failure.
Nonso: Romance sometimes kills love
Love isn’t all about romantic gestures and flowers and candlelit dinners like many women erroneously believe. Couples must learn to shed the trappings of romance in order to see that love is also about hard work, overcoming trials together, and growing as a couple. When a couple is blinded by romance, their love might die.
Bertha: Lack of trust kills love
One of the foundations of a good relationship is trust. When you find yourself constantly wondering where your partner is, or constantly doubting your partner, you know that there is something wrong with your relationship.
Trust is what holds the relationship together. Trust is what gives one peace of mind in a relationship. Very often, many have found that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to waste. Lack of trust kills love.
Lauretta: Love dies because of old hurts and lies
There are some old wounds that never really heal. It could stem from the hurt of betrayal or disappointment or resentment. Some old wounds can lead to grudges and pent-up anger. When these old issues remain unresolved, they fester and feed on whatever good things are left in the relationship. It makes the couple realize that their pain, anger, or resentment is stronger than the love they bear each other.
Olugbenga: Fear of losing your partner kills love
It’s okay to be afraid of losing your partner, but problem arises when you are so scared of losing them that you end up doing irrational things to keep them around. Sometimes, holding on to your partner too tightly can cause them to feel suffocated.
You may think that you are just doing what it takes to make your partner happy, but you would be surprised at how well people can smell fear and desperation. And when this invades your relationship, you will find that love dies because of fear of losing your partner.
Ajibola: Love dies because of the lack of growth
Years tend to change people, no matter how subtle the changes may be. Couples in healthy relationships grow into better versions of themselves together. They find ways to enrich their relationship, allowing it to mature with time.
However, there are some couples who try so hard to hold on to their honeymoon period that the relationship never progresses. There are also some couples who bring each other down as a way to keep each other on the same level. These actions only serve to stunt the growth of the relationship. Sometimes, love dies because of lack of growth.
Sunday: Love dies because it isn’t really love from the start
There are couples that have fallen out of love because they didn’t feel like it was love anymore. Most people fall into a state of infatuation during the start of their relationship, and they tend to look at everything through coloured glasses.
Once the honeymoon stage is over, they realize that things aren’t the way that they used to be. The thing about real relationships is that it gets better when the two people involved grow and move forward together. In the case of infatuation, the connection is only as fleeting as the initial thrill of attraction.
Richard: Lack of understanding kills love
Sometimes, love dies because the people in the relationship didn’t get to know and understand themselves well before jumping into a relationship. It is worse if this is happening after they get married.
Lack of understanding of your partner’s strengths and weaknesses kills love in the long run. Pretence from one or both parties also kills love as well as ignoring red flags earlier in the relationship.