Men have different reasons for getting married. Some get married because of love and companionship. Others get married because they want to have children while majority get married because they are tired of washing their own clothes and they want women who would cook and clean for them.
This is why when you ask majority of men why they want to get married, you will hear, “I want to start eating home cooked meals.’ Others say, ‘I want to have children that carry on my family name.’ Some say they want to get married because they need women who can tolerate their excesses and care for them like their mothers.
While women may have different reasons from men for wanting to get married, it’s funny that men who can’t take care of themselves, keep their apartments clean and wash their own clothes and boxers feel entitled to some women’s domestic prowess abilities. Domestic chores is not for women alone.
When it comes to marriage, it’s not a surprise that sex is important to men. Some men will admit that it is number one on their list of what they want in a marriage. However, these same men don’t feel sexually satisfied with one woman. They can get married and still be messing around with other women. Then I start to wonder why they took marital vows in the first place to cleave to their wives and forsake all others. Or is that part of the marriage vow just for show?
While some men find it hard to communicate their feelings (because society has erroneously taught them that men shouldn’t be expressive), they want their wives to fulfill certain needs. Below are some things men want from their wives in marriage. Women, take note of these things and adjust accordingly.
While sex remains very important for most men, many simply want to experience more affection. Whether it’s holding his hand in public, leaving him a love message or massaging his shoulders, showing that you care about him through actions of fondness will touch his heart.
Wives, demonstrate how much you care about your husbands by being warm. Tell him how much you love him, cheer him on when he’s feeling doubtful, and tell him you are sorry when things go wrong. You can also give him unexpected kisses and flirt with him.
Your husband wants your belief in his capabilities. Many men think it’s important for them to protect and provide for those they love. Let your husband know that you believe in his talents and skills and are supportive of him. Your encouragement is the most meaningful of anyone.
Make your man feel like a superstar. Believing in his ability even when things don’t go well will strengthen your relationship. It will develop trust between you two and give him a sense of responsibility in the relationship.
Woman, understand your man. Your man wants to know that you get him. Men are often more logical and like to solve problems. This trait creates a balance between them and women who are generally more emotional and in touch with their feelings.
You both can show that you understand each other by making a commitment to talk daily together. Plan a daily dialogue exercise where you take minutes to ask each other positive questions. This could include things about what attracts you to each other, your favorite date together, or what you both want your future to look like.
Appreciation and affirmation matters to men too. Most guys like to be patted on the back. One way to do this is by complimenting your husband often. Rather than over-doing it, make sure it’s genuine and sporadic throughout the week.
Let your husband know you appreciate how hard he works. Thank him for how he takes care of the family. Tell your husband how good he looks in that shirt. Kiss him and tell him you really admire him as a person.
Men love acceptance. We all want to be accepted for who we are and don’t want others to try to change us. Men are often hurt and angered when their wives try to change them, in particular. If it concerns their health and safety, it’s understandable, but superficial characteristics aren’t necessary to bring up.
You can show how much you accept your husband for who he is right now by seeing his flaws and loving him anyway. You can accept him by getting comfortable with being different from him. Committing to argue without bitterness and letting go when it comes to different activities and opinions are ways of accepting your man is different from you.
Sometimes less chatter brings peace. If your husband is tired, involved with a project, or just generally isn’t up for a chat, don’t push it. Women can be especially chatty sometimes, so it’s important to create time to talk with your husband.
You definitely don’t want a relationship where you never talk. Communication is important, so when you really want to chat and get intimate, check in with him to see if he’s up for it. If he’s busy, you may need to schedule some time with him so you two can get back on track.
Creating a good marriage starts with respect. Men and women should respect each other. Respect is not only reserved for men. Women deserve to be respected by their husbands too. One of the ways a wife can show respect to her husband is by not making negative comments about his thoughts and opinions.
Other ways to show your man respect include being considerate of his upcoming plans, choosing not to roll your eyes or reply with disgust when you disagree with him. Generally being positive and considerate of his wants and needs is a way of making him happy.
Let your husband enjoy his free time even as you have your own alone time with friends and activities that you enjoy. Almost everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone and moments to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect with themselves.
When your husband gets home from work, you can give him this space by allowing him to unwind without any chatter or questions. On his days off, be mindful of his schedule by not planning too many activities. If you really want to do something with your husband on the weekend, consider picking one day on the weekend.
Trust is vital to the success of a marriage. Couples build trust in healthy relationships by being honest with each other, communicating often, and learning how to fight fairly. It takes time to build trust. Over the years, you two will learn how to keep promises, be yourself, and show how much you love and appreciate each other.
If you are having doubts about your husband because of his past actions that hurt you and you find it difficult to trust him anymore, seek counseling. Don’t engage in activities like spying on him and trying so hard to pay him back in his own coin.
Husbands want companionship. Your husband is not only your lover but also your friend. Staying friends and companions throughout your marriage require that you both find ways to enjoy quality time to be together and have new experiences to share with your children.
Marrying your best friend also means being mindful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other. Using kind words with each other and looking out for each other’s interests is one of the ways to build a great marriage.
RE: Soothing the pain of heartbreak
It’s like this year will be a good year for Nigerian men in your column. You have been focusing lately on serious relationship issues instead of attacking men with bile and anger. I read last week’s column looking for your famous insulting lines but I was deeply disappointed. It means God has answered our prayers. Keep it up! -Jonathan, Enugu
Relationships collapse because no one wants to tell each other the truth about the situation of things that are going wrongly. Some people suffer heartbreak too because they refuse to see the signs that the other person is not really into them. Nevertheless, heartbreak hurts and recovering from it is not easy. Thank you for sharing tips on how to overcome such a hard thing. -Chika Nnorom, Umukabia
Most times women suffer heartbreak because they refuse to define their relationship from the beginning. Some women automatically assume that a man who wants just a fling is ready for a long term relationship. Women should be wise enough to dictate relationship red flags on time to avoid stories that touch. You did a good job, well done. -Chizaram Obi, Awka
Kate, why do you think it’s only women that suffer heartbreak? Why are you such a biased and angry woman? You always support women and trash talk men. What is the problem with you? Is this how you will find a good man to marry you? You are getting old, stop allowing make up fool you. Go and get married before insulting men all the time. If you like don’t publish this, bitter woman. -Obinna, Aba
Kate, you are a godsend to me. You have made me to understand that my injuries can lead to growth and new direction. God bless you and may your ink never run dry. -Miss Alex, Lagos
Kate, the last girl I dated almost killed me when she broke up with me because I don’t have money. This girl started dating my boss behind my back and before I knew what was happening, they started planning marriage. I found out from another person that my girl was dating my boss. When I confronted her, she told me that was were through and broke up with me. Later, I discovered they were planning to get married. I was dazed for days. I felt like dying because I loved her so much. I had to let her go for my recovery. But men suffer heartbreaks too. I hope you know that. -Henry, Abuja