When you hear some Nigerian men talk about getting married, you will wonder whether they desire companionship or want to acquire a chair. These men go on and on about the many qualities they want in a woman without taking a good look at themselves whether they will offer her the same.
They brag about being everything good to have happened to women since the world began. They place different women on marriage audition roles so that they can pick the one that suits them best. They date many women and put them to the almighty marriage test. Then, they discard the ones that don’t meet up to their expectations of an acquisition, sorry wife.
While beating their chests with pride about being the life line of women, some of these men don’t stop to ask themselves whether they are even good for these women. They believe a woman has no choice when it comes to choosing a life partner. They see women as objects to be acquired whenever they want.
One day, I engaged a young man in a conversation when he said that any woman who is choosy is not ready to settle down yet and that she would grow old in her father’s house. He also said that he preferred a woman like his mother who never talked back while his father was barking like a colonial master at home.
I told him he should go back to the days of his mother and he might find a woman who is willing to be seen and not heard like he wants. I reminded him that one of the reasons his mother kept taking the emotional and psychological abuse that his father dished to her was that probably she didn’t have any other choice.
When you hear, ‘you are not a wife material. You cannot stay under a man. You are too proud to be a submissive wife. You are too ambitious for a woman, just know you are dealing with one of these men who believe women should be acquired and discarded at will.
They are the ones who are threatened by young women who live in posh houses, drive expensive cars and enjoy their lives. They believe single ladies should be running from churches to mountains to pray for husbands. What a horrible mentality.
Don’t you know that you don’t talk back to a man? That is what a boy told me one day while trying to force me to enter a cab and I refused. He called me names for daring to talk back at him. He told me that was why I was still single without a man to call a husband at my age. I laughed at the silliness he exhibited and I took another cab. Having a penis doesn’t make you superior to a woman. Men and women complement one another.
Many successful young women have been told by parents, uncles, aunties, friends, and pastors that they must not buy a car because it will scare potential suitors away.
There are so many dos and don’ts single women hear daily because many Nigerian men have a twisted idea of what their wife materials should do and not do. They are told what to wear, where to go, what to do just to attract husband materials, even useless ones.
You are not a wife material ia ofetn thrown at independent, single women as if it is going out fashion. But what do many Nigerian men mean by ‘you are not a wife material?’ How many yards of this elusive wife material do these single ladies need to land husbands?
Have we asked ourselves if these men talking about wife material are husband materials themselves? Have we taken time to ask if these men truly understand what it means to be husbands? Have we taken time to ask them if it is a crime for a woman to be ambitious, dream about the kind of life she wants and work towards achieving that dream?
From male strangers in the bus commanding women where to sit even though they will pay the same fare to men harassing women on social media because they feel women must not have a voice. Many men believe women must be seen, but not heard. Women must not have opinions on issues. They believe they are superior to women.
So, what does it mean if an average Nigerian man tells you ‘you are not a wife material? He means: I want your silence when my behaviour warrants checking. I want you to remain unemotional when I hurt you. I want a woman I can control even though she’s a human being like me. I want you to spoil me even when I sleep with your friend. I want your trust even while I am doing nothing to earn it.
He also means: I want all of you even though you share me with every woman I see on the street. I want you to give up your dream for me because marriage is the ultimate for a woman. I want you to become a doormat for me, my family members and my friends. I want you to take all of the bad behaviour I can exhibit because I am a man without raising an eyebrow. I want you to be voiceless, docile and in the shadows because women are to be seen and not heard.
Do these lines sound familiar? Oh yeah, many women in Nigeria know what I am talking about. But just bear in mind that as a woman, you are not inferior to a man because he has a penis and you have a vagina. Men and women are equal before God. Know who you are woman and don’t allow the pressure to get married land you in a messy situation.
Surely, not all Nigerian men behave like this. But many do because that is what they have unconsciously picked up while growing up. They also make it hard for women to trust the good ones. But good men abound. There are good husband materials in Nigeria.
Just pay attention to their words and actions. Then you can decide if you want to be their wife material or not. To me, being a wife material should match the quality of the husband material. You cannot be a Dunlop slippers husband material and be looking for a stiletto heeled wife material. Go for your kind.
When some men say they want wife materials, they mean they want docile, weak women to control. These men have insecurities that are deeply rooted and the only way they feel like men is lording it over a woman. When they claim there are no more wife materials, it means they can’t find a woman they will whip into subjugation in the name of submission. They are looking for women they will turn into shadow of themselves because they want to feel like gods.
They want women they can tell to sit and she will do it. They want women they can tell not to have friends and she will nod in agreement. They want a woman that they will beat and flog like a child and she will bear the marks of their beatings proudly.
These men who throw wife materials around like plantain chips want a woman they can cheat on with everything in skirt and they will turn a blind eye to their philandering ways while praying that their many mistresses breasts will taste like yoyo bitters in their mouths.
Some men are looking for the Nigerian version of wife materials because they want women they can collect their salaries at the end of every month while quoting the Bible and the man is the head of the house gospel. It doesn’t matter if they don’t have a viable means of livelihood, their women must submit their salaries like one submits examination paper after exams.
Being a wife material according to some Nigerian men is agreeing with everything they say whether good or bad without contributing anything. They want women who will keep quiet while they destroy their families because they believe a woman is like a piece of furniture that should be beautiful for nothing.
Some men are looking for wife materials because they want women who will cry, shake and scamper for safety at the sound of their voices. These Herod’s descendants can’t stand women who see them as partners. They can’t even talk to such women. That is why they go for women who can worship them like the god of wickedness. They enjoy being served like a god because they see their women as servants and not partners.
Some men go after their own definition of wife materials because they lack what it takes to be in sane, happy and committed relationships. They just want to settle down with women who will stomach all the nonsense they dish out to her while quoting the Bible on one hand and quoting culture on the other hand. Their confusion is out of this world.
So young ladies, when next a man says he is looking for a wife material, ask him what he truly wants so that you won’t end up in a bad marriage because you want to please society. Your life is yours, live it to the fullest. Marriage is good but a bad marriage will destroy you, look before you marry that man.