“He told me I was the best thing that happened to him but then when it’s Valentine’s Day he disappears and won’t come back until a week or more. And when he resurfaces, he’ll come with different excuses which are sometimes believable, but I am tired of his disappearance on special days like this”. –Ngozi.
“Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and I am afraid he will soon come up with an excuse for not showing up at our dinner date. I wish this year won’t be like last year’s, I want to spend the evening with him”. –Laura.
“My husband is in the habit of coming home very late on Valentine’s Day and all he does is sneak into bed while I pretend I am asleep. I am tired of this pattern. Why can’t we just spend Valentine’s Day together like every other couple? –Seki.
These are stories of three women who all have one thing in common: their significant others are nowhere to be found on Valentine’s Day. While many people are getting excited for the upcoming Valentine’s Day, there are so many women who are nursing fears in their hearts. These women will wait endlessly for their spouses to come home to them, but unfortunately for them they are in the loving arms of other women.
Interestingly, I have these few questions for every married men in the house and men in relationships. Who is your valentine this year? Is your val your spouse or your side chic. Who are you having that candle light dinner with on Wednesday? Is it with that same woman everyone knows as your wife or someone else entirely? That lingerie hidden in your car boot is it for your fiancée or that IT girl you fancy at work?
Sincerely answer these questions and if your answers are below expectations then you are one of these men. I am referring to the sneaky sliming ones who live permanently under the skirt of their mistresses. The ones with dual personalities, who are dotting husbands at home but they also function as sex partners’ to the seductress outside. These men profess love to their women but find it so easy to stray around. I am particularly talking about men who disappear on Valentine’s Day.
Valentine date nights are usually the icing on any relationship or marriage, so when your spouse refuses to show up, there is a high probability that he is having a date night with someone else. There is a lady I know who said she had never had a proper date on Valentine’s Days. According to her, her boyfriends would disappear few days before valentine and so because of this she doesn’t look forward to this day. I have also heard about men who suddenly have to work late into the night on Valentine’s Days. Men who ordinarily would have been home by 7pm but then on Valentine’s Day they get delayed by their scum bosses who hate to be with their wives. These men tell these lies year in year out and I can’t but ask if they feel their spouses are such fools not to understand that a scheduled change on Valentine’s Day clearly shows that you are with someone else. So, what kind of callous losers are these men? Why pretend you are smitten by someone and you allow your partner to be swept away only for you to leave her in the lurch when she is caught in the whirlwind of your plans and promises?
Especially for the unmarried guys, it is much easier for them to make the women in their lives feel incredibly sexy this minute and the next minute, pfft! They are nowhere to be found on Valentine’s Days. They give no warning or disclosure and leave these women they once promised the whole world with the emotional bag. I think men like this should grow up and stop thinking they are the best gift to the women. It is only teenagers who enjoy the conquest, seduction and sex only. Real men do much more, they make commitments. They don’t run away when it matters most. They celebrate love with the person they profess love to. Real men don’t hurt their wives to please their side chics, on Valentine’s Days and other special days they make their significant other feel special every now and then. But Valentine’s Day to these gentlemen who are truly in love is an important day they set aside to make their women feel mushy. For these great guys, it is about cakes and champagne, lingerie and roses, sweet nothings and big romantic gestures. It is the day they want to prove to the person they love that they can’t live without them. They don’t leave the women in their lives lonely and miserable while they go in pursuit of lust.
So, ladies while you are caught up with the romance in the air and picking gifts for the men in your lives, I think you also have a part to play in this. In case he doesn’t show up this year again or he comes in late reeking of his side chics perfume here is what you should do. Cry if it makes you feel better but don’t just sit in your lingerie waiting for him. If you are single make calls and go hang out with your friends. You don’t need no closure from him so stop embarrassing yourself by calling him consistently. If he is not picking now, there is no point calling him afterwards. It is crystal clear he prefers to be with the other woman so let it stay at that. The next thing you should do is to put your big girl pants on and delete his number from your phone. Even when he tries to come back, kick his ass and push him off, he doesn’t worth your time. There is no point staying with you someone who doesn’t respect. Period. Most of all, losing this phantom gives room to find the right person you should be with, there is a reason this didn’t work out and when you meet the right person, you will realize it.
For the married women, I understand it is a little complicated for you, if you are armed with proofs that he has been with the other woman. It doesn’t matter how long you have been married, this is a screaming sign that your relationship is unhealthy, so you need to talk about it and figure out what to do. Couples who are in a healthy relationship should be able to have difficult conversations. He can’t keep disappearing on Valentine’s Day and you let him be. No way! You shouldn’t fold your arms like an old maid. Talk!
Although it is not healthy to monitor your husband, but once you are sure he is a serial cheat, set a rule with him that you are entitled to ask about his whereabouts with proofs. Yea, he has to play by your terms now because he has crushed your trust terribly.
Tell him to clear his mess, he needs to terminate contact with his side chic and you can even demand he does that in your presence. He needs to terminate all enabling factors to his ex, like social media sites and apps that are connected to his cheating behavior.
As a couple, infidelity tears the fabric of your marriage apart, so if you feel this is overwhelming for you, seek help. You can speak with a marriage counselor who will help you both. This act is often beyond Valentine’s Day and a guy who has been cheating over and over again can be difficult to trust. I deeply understand that it is exponentially difficult in these situations for wives to believe that their husbands are remorseful, they trust once more and later find out they have been duped again.
Cheating husbands are smooth talkers but no matter what he says, your health has been placed at risk. So both of you need to get tested and taking care of yourself should be your number one priority.
But when he refuses to change, then you need to make some more drastic decisions, you should decide when your trust ends and then give him an ultimatum. Have a wonderful valentine’s day everyone!!