Most single mothers are not mischievous individuals as perceived in some quarters. Most women who become single mothers are often compelled to make that choice because of the unfortunate outcome of relationships with irresponsible men that went awry. A woman is naturally a caregiver who nurtures and builds with the aim to succeed in all circumstances. In a situation where a man chooses to act as a fraudster with a woman he is involved in a relationship, should such a woman be blamed for her response to his action? When you have a person who, while in school broke all school laws and regulations, a man that is a nuisance and a big source of regret to his parents and siblings, and who was known within the neighbourhood as a bad boy; in the church, the pastor and other congregants are almost giving up on him because of his bad behaviour, what miracle would make such a person to be in a responsible relationship? The truth is that no one can change a grown up adult except he or she truly and sincerely wants to drop an appalling character. A man like that deals deceptively with ladies and when pregnancy results, it is the lady involved that would carry the burden alone, either to have an abortion or give birth to a child.
Society tends to quickly blame the lady, saying that she should have known better and to be more careful. People easily forget that men of this ilk also succeed in swindling other men. Why would society also say that the male victims of the fraud should have been more careful? People say that when a woman walks alone, she could be easily molested, raped or abused, but when she walks with a man, society respects her just because she is seen walking with a man even if he is an imbecile. It sounds funny that when a single woman who can conveniently pay her house rent wants to rent an apartment, some landlords are reluctant to give her their property. They would rather want to see her man. To them, having a man is a sign or responsibility. It is the same view that is responsible for single ladies and mothers who are qualified, but would not be ordained pastors. Instead known fraudsters and rapists are often ordained as pastors and they wear the toga of ‘Man of God’.
Some people in society erroneously believe that a woman needs to be answerable to a man to prove that she is complete and contented. She may not be seen as accomplished just because there is no husband beside her. Single ladies are perceived to be promiscuous, non-submissive and have no crown on their heads. This narrative must change for good.
Similarly, single mothers who could not meet a man that matches what they want in a marital relationship, due perhaps to various accomplishments, academic attainments, economic status, can choose to have and raise a child for themselves. As far as she has the wherewithal and fear of God to nurture and raise her child to the glory of God, she is good to go. I am not an advocate of irresponsible single motherhood, but when a lady is viewed by who her father, husband or brother is, then her success is attached to it; these are challenging times for single ladies. When her educational qualifications, smartness and hard-working nature are relegated to the background, she is then turned into the focus gossip and castigation by beer-parlour judges.
I fully agree that a pure matrimonial relationship complements men and women, but when the love turns sour, women seem to bear the pains the more. Incidentally, they are usually the ones in hurry to marry because of the societal expectations. When mothers keep reminding their daughters that time waits for no lady, and urging them to bring home a man, the simple meaning is: ‘go get married’. Pressure of this nature has led some good ladies into poor, miserable and regrettable marriages. In such cases, most ladies prefer to be a single-parent and at least live their God-given entitled life instead of having their hearts broken by callous men all the time, in the desire to get hooked.
It is worthy of note that several women choose to remain single when domestic violence replaces romance, care, love and the happiness she expects from her spouse. Her best solution is to look for escape route and run away.
Interestingly, some single mothers have trained worthy children who turned out better behaved more than children raised in the traditional husband-and-wife setting. A chaotic matrimonial home cannot be compared to a home where peace and love reign. A child who is being raised in a home full of abuse, insults, squabble, bickering, laziness and irresponsible behaviour will grow to embrace trash thinking as a way of life. People who call single mothers unprintable names are not better and happier than them. So many marriages are sitting on keg of gunpowder waiting for any small spark to explode, and the spouses would go their separate ways and become single once again. There are homes where both parents cannot raise a worthy child both in character and learning. The son of a single mother once represented his school at the Federal Government College Games (FEDCOL GAMES) in Jos, the Plateau State capital, and won four gold medals for the school; the school rewarded him with automatic scholarship for two years, which saw him through secondary education.
In recent times, the news making the rounds in both social and conventional media about marriages are nothing to write home about. Recently in Lekki, a highbrow part of Lagos metropolis, devil’s incarnate called Femi lured his so-called wife into their bedroom, sealed her mouth with cellotape (bought for him by the innocent gateman on request). He also tied her hands and legs, removed all her braided hair with a pair of pliers before stabbing her several times to death. After the dastardly act, he drank two bottles of deadly sniper which aided his own death. Did Femi have any moral justification whatsoever to take the life of his wife? How many parents who advocate for one man, one woman would want their daughter to be treated in such a heartless manner in the name of marriage? If the lady had remained single, and probably got pregnant, had a child or even adopted one, would she have died in such gruesome manner in the hands of a man? What could be more traumatising knowing that a husband who is also a father rapes his own daughter? Is it worthwhile living with such a man as a husband and father? An abusive father is worse than a rapist, yet women live and condone such irresponsible men as husbands and fathers to sustain the so-called marriages. Rubbish!
A woman can also become single due to the death of her husband. If she refuses to remarry and chooses to be with her children, she would remain a single lady. Life challenges could throw a blow on a lady and set her back ,including her marriage. She would simply pick up the pieces of her life and move on as a single mother.
Dear Nigerian ladies, take another look at your marriage. If a marriage that was over 50 years could end under a knife, it is pointing to the fact that no one is safe. Do not hide because you are single; except you are not responsible. It is better to be single and alive than marry an enemy who leads you to an early grave. Single women are also happy people on earth. Check the records.