Compliments of the season! I hope everyone is ready to conquer. This year is for all those who believe!!
When a man keeps pestering a woman for sex due to his own desires, does he consider that the lady might not want him romantically and therefore uninterested? Men just want to satisfy a physical desire or need when they think of a woman while women want to connect emotionally. Women want to be able to totally be into a man; talk to him, touch him, laugh with him, dine with him, dance with him, do business with him, go shopping with him, gossip with him and all that before surrendering herself to him. Then, she fills fulfilled and can be intimate. A man thinks that just because he and the lady discuss business, dine out and talk about most things, she will be ready to have sex with him. Already he is stimulated by her physical attributes and her intellect. It doesn’t take him any time to make the connection that he wants to conquer this one. What he does not realize is that she is far from connecting in this manner. She likes him as a friend and she does not sleep with all her male friends. The lady wants more; she wants juice in her circuit to attract the other wire to cause a spark. Without that spark, she is lame.
So, is there a time when a woman will sleep with a man that she has no romantic feelings for? Oh yes! Here are the stories of three different women who said they slept with men just to fulfill a need; their need or his needs, they did it all the same.
I was 23 and naive. I thought that any man who said, “Hey babe” was into me and I had to respond. I found myself sleeping with so many men who will not call me again. I remember a particular 40-plus man in my workplace, who was married. He would flirt with me and compliment my clothes. I was so excited but didn’t really connect. We kept flirting until he just did it one evening at my place. I was ok with flirting but didn’t really want to be intimate but still I obliged because I felt that was what I had to do to keep his friendship. I didn’t come. I made some noises and tried to match his rhythm but it was so empty. That guy made a conscious effort to avoid me at the office. Each time I called him, he was so busy. I learnt a lesson from him; sex had to be initiated by me because I want it not because he wants it.
For me, I just had mindless sex to get gifts or pay bills. I was not a prostitute as I didn’t stand on the street corner. I slept with guys I know but on one condition that they satisfy a financial need. The guys were enthralled by me as I was drop dead gorgeous in those days. I fully used it to my advantage. I slept with married men, young men, old men, name it, I did it. I acquired several material things in exchange for five minutes of pleasure or them. I was not romantically involved. It was just something I did mindlessly. I got tired of that lifestyle after so many years. I finally found a man that I could connect with spiritually and physically. Back then, I used men but now I am so in love with my husband that I just want him to consume me every way possible.
I started a business with a guy and we really connected intellectually. He thought that was not enough and kept asking for more. I found it so funny sometimes and would lead him on but at other times, I was just plain annoyed. He wasn’t even my type. He was short and fat and had a big stomach. He was not sophisticated at all. There was no way I could take him to a ballroom dance or to the opera or fine dining, I would be embarrassed. He had no table manners at all and picked his nose in public. So we had nothing in common socially, romantically or otherwise but he felt that we needed to seal our business by being intimate. The times I thought it was funny, I laughed at his audaciousness in thinking that I could lower my standards to sleep with him. When I was upset, it was that same audaciousness that annoyed me; who the hell did he think he was to dream of me? At other times, I just admire men for their courage in asking for what they want. In my mind, I knew that once the business was situated the way I wanted it to be, I will buy up his shares and never have to deal with him and his audaciousness again.
So, I will continue this segment since so many women have so much to say about why they gave it up even though they had no deep emotional feeling for the men they slept with. Some said, “Men are just manipulative and would do anything to score”
Well, we would find out from men too. Stay tuned.
ν Dr. NJ