Last week, wives put out wonderful love renditions to celebrate their husbands on Father’s Day, which aptly fell on Sunday, June 20, 2021. It was awesome, heartwarming and should really be the order of the day.
However, the other side of the coin is that there have been days the twists and turns of live prompted people to say things like these to men: ‘Are you not a man?’, ‘Be man enough’, ‘Chest it’, ‘No dey do like woman’, ‘Don’t cry’. These statements imply that a man is supposed to be like an iroko tree. Yes, God created men to be leaders, strong and shield their families from all embarrassment and tills the land to provide. Fight battles to protect the family. Granted that men do all these, we need to know that men are human beings who become afraid when confronted by certain challenges, decisions and opportunities. It is not at all times that they stand like the rock of Gibraltar. There are times their fears, struggles and emotions are not understood, rather taken for granted. It gets worse when men hide under ego and become more fearful because they can’t find the needed platform to express their fears. Worse is the fact that their physical masculine nature deceives their soft heart, mind and being, without knowing that these can be affected by the spirit of fear. The fact is that are not rock steady super stars; they also go through tough times, wet their pillows with tears and look up to high the heavens for miracles and answers to their silent prayers. Sometimes, fear grips them by the jugular, and they need the help and support of others to pull through. But then, it will only take a careful, responsible and intelligent woman to discover the reason for her man’s fears and use her feminism to counter whatever the challenge is, so that both would move on in life.
Now, if you think men are not afraid, why do they encourage their side chicks to abort pregnancy that result from the dalliance with them. Why do they hide a love child, and not display him or her with brazen boldness? Why do widowers remarry not long after losing their spouses they lose their spouses? Why do men lose erection fast at certain discoveries or news breaks? It is because of fear of the unknown. There are times they get confused, might not even know the next necessary step to take, how to navigate the affairs and move on. It takes 10 per cent of widowed men to stand and tackle the challenge ahead unlike women who are created as stronger absolvers of almost all shocks; be it in widowhood, children’s poor conduct, management, business failure, family and extended family relationships.
Interestingly, most women who complain of their husband being weak in bed have not taken proper time to discover that they themselves might be the reason for their men’s poor performance. Every weakness according to some women is attributed to sexual cheating with other women, but this is not so at all times. If I may ask, how many women build men up when they are down? When he is weak in bed, what is your reaction as his woman? Do you sigh and complain, thinking that his once ever ready AK-47 that used to empty magazine after magazine now struggles to fire even one bullet? Have you tried to help out instead of laying accusations that he is cheating on you? Your reaction as his woman could either strengthen or weaken him the more and finally send him to an early grave if care is not taken. How have you helped by sharing ideas that build prosperity for the family?
As an ego-filled man, his fear heightens and affects his performance when he remembers aal the responsibilities awaiting his attention. That kind of fear defies all manner of medical treatment because the inner fear can only be dealt with in the mind. So Madam, how polite are you in your approach with your husband in such situation? Can you for once stop noticing all his mistakes and grow up? Do you grasp when he is battling sack threat at work, poor business and low financial situation? Can he be bold to happily discuss with his yester-years love-child in your presence? Is he free to deliberate on that disturbing loan he took and cannot account for? When government policies destabilize good business times, are you ready to listen and go through the hardship with him or do you create more fearful grounds for him? These are some of the hidden fears that men face.
Again, can women allow men some breathing space without going through their phones to discover all sorts and catch girlfriends? How often do you take your man through the journey of romance and make him laugh? When was the last time he was reassured of your undying love for him? Do you appreciate the little he does for the family, extended relatives and in-laws? Have the children’s mind been poisoned with allegations of their father’s wrong doing at all times? Do the children relate with their father or have all the children become yours alone? Is the home welcoming and relaxing after a hard day’s job or q wrestling ground for both of you even after several years of marriage? Can he come back and meet a neat environment, sweet smelling romantic lady who will present meal and have fun? Is he sure of jokes and laughter or dull complaint-filled moment which heightens his fears? Have your Android phone, laptop and television and church activities taken over family times as defined by new generation women? Some women think that reporting their husbands to their pastors would change situations, but this does not really work always. However, change in attitude, character and being more responsive to your man would create a heavenly place for both. Again, stop keeping Christian malice with your man, so he can express and share his fear with you.
If one thinks that men are not afraid, why did the best late former governor of Imo State, Dr. Sam Onunaka Mbakwe, cry in public and was nick-named the Weeping Governor? He was afraid that his people would brand him a failure if he did not deliver on his mandate, and therefore cried out to the Federal Government to pay more attention to his state especially on infrastructural development in Aba, Umuahia, Okigwe, Orlu and Afikpo. His cries actually did not yield result, rather his determination, sincerity and creativity were his key attributes that led his people to the Promised Land. Till date, it has been difficult for his successors to match Mbakwe’s legacy, either in road rehabilitation or rural electrification.
Governor Ben Ayade of Cross Rivers State also cried at a time while delivering the 2018 budget of N1.3 trillion. These cries came handy to show that crying is not only synonymous with women alone, but the men too. They are afraid of being associated with failure.
Several men have cried out their hearts during disappointments and low moments in life, especially burial of loved ones. On visiting day in one of the unity schools before COVID-19, the Adebowale family came to visit their 10-year-old son who left home for the first time to become a boarding student. As soon as the boy appeared in that first terrible look that could be likened to a boy from a mini-prison, his father was filled with tears and asked, “Do you starve in school, don’t you eat, you have emaciated so much? His wife began to counsel him that junior lost weight not because he didnot eat, but he was simply acclimatizing to a new environment. It was his first time of leaving home since he was born. Home and school are ways apart from each other.
If the men are not afraid, why do you think they send their cheating and adulterous wives away? It is out of fear. No responsible man would want to share his woman with another man, never! not necessarily that he is a saint, but for fear of his life.
Dear people of God, know it that men have fears and need help to come out of it. They have feelings and get scared like women. Do not be fooled by their intimidating physical rocky look, their fear is hidden and unending.