For some people, after searching and finally meeting someone good, they are likely to hold onto the person even beyond its expiration date because of the fear that they might not be able to find anyone else. It is fear that makes people stay in relationship long after it becomes obvious it isn’t getting anywhere.
It appears some men and women would rather stay in a situation hoping that things will change than start over with someone else. Most people don’t like to be alone, so they choose to stay in a relationship that’s not going forward because they believe that it’s better than being by themselves. These men and women reveal when they realised that the love they once shared with their partners had expired.
Rosemary: There was no reference to the future
As a woman, I know many men evade talking about the future because they love to play games with women before they settle down. But I know that discussing about the future shouldn’t freak couples out. It indicates a mutual interest in wanting to take things forward, and doing things together assuming you haven’t known each other for long. The attraction may be strong; there might even be respect and affection involved, but to see someone in the guise of a life partner takes something more.
With my last boyfriend, I learnt that being attracted and wanting to develop a committed relationship are two different things. He kept avoiding talks about our future together after three years together and I wasn’t getting any younger. The absence of planning for the future raises a red flag if you are ready to settle down and begin a family. I broke up with him and now, I am happily married to a man who is committed to me.
Edwin: She rarely contacts me
I met a young lady last year and we bonded immediately. I was in love with her and didn’t hold back expressing my feelings to her. But overtime, I noticed that she wasn’t on the same page with me. I always find yourself trying to resist the urge to text or call her first, wondering what she’s been doing for hours on end because she hasn’t reached out to me. I tried many times to let her know that if our relationship must succeed, we should be on the same level, but she rarely connected back like I do. At a point, I didn’t stress it anymore, because it looked like I was bothering her with love talks. It sounds harsh, but it’s the reality. If a girl is interested in you, she will make every effort possible to talk to you
Frances: He constantly expects me be who I’m not
I was cordial with my boyfriend but I noticed he wanted me to completely change who I am simply because that is what he wants. He tells me he knows what is best for me.
I have learnt from experience that if your man expects you to be someone you are not, take a step backwards. It’s wiser to lose relationships over being who you are, than to keep them intact by pretending to be someone else. It’s easier to nurse a little heartache and meet someone new, than it is to piece together your own shattered identity.
I watched him for a while and knew that if I continued in that dysfunctional relationship, it would lead to abusive marriage. I ran away from him. He kept telling me that I was losing a good marriage with him but I refused to get back with him. He didn’t love me, if he did, he won’t be trying to change me into someone else.
Opeyemi: His actions didn’t match his words
I was in a relationship with a man I met during one of the seminars my organization organised outside my base and we hit off immediately. He was cool at first, loving, attentive and generous. But as the months went by, I noticed he lied a lot. It’s so easy to believe someone when they are telling you exactly what you want to hear, but you have to watch what they do too.
As a woman, I was looking for a man who would make me look forward to tomorrow, but he had the opposite effect on me because of his inconsistencies. His actions never matched with his words. I decided to let him go. It’s always better to be alone than to be in bad company.
Ebuka: She doesn’t respect me
My ex girlfriend was so disrespectful. She kept behaving as if my life depended on our relationship. She kept overriding my decisions and undermining my authority as a man. I tried to endure it but I noticed she wasn’t the one to change. I begged her many times to love and respect me but she laughed at me to my face.
As a man, I knew that if you keep allowing your partner to blatantly disrespect you, this is nearly equivalent to telling them you don’t want them to be serious with you. Mistreatment before even making it official will just lead to even worse relationship. I broke up with her. I didn’t want that kind of woman to take to my family. They will disown me.
Michael: She wasn’t making efforts to make our relationship work
The girl I wanted to marry last year was making some efforts to see me from time-to-time, but it was not enough to offer any tangible signs of my increasing importance in her life. Effort means planning ahead; a trip together, a weekend away or any other special event for the two of you. This shows relationship intent. She would disappear and re-appear at any time and profess love to me.
She dated me at her convenience. She would ask me to come to see her, but rarely share equal responsibility to see me. She gives me an option for getting together on days that I was busy with my business even after telling her it wouldn’t be convenient for me. And if I don’t agree, she won’t adjust her schedule or offer me an alternative plan. She won’t see me at all. I don’t know how someone who claims she loves me would keep treating me that way. She was treating me like her house boy.
I noticed that dating me was all about her comfort and needs. I was the only one doing all the work to keep the relationship going. Someone who behaves in this manner is lazy and self-centred. They are not relationship material, not to talk of wife material. She doesn’t compromise or consider my feelings, so I moved on. I erased her from my life.
Nmachi: My ex-boyfriend acts single in public
My ex boyfriend acts as though he is not with you when in a public setting. I also instinctively feel it’s wrong to show that we are together because he avoids being seen in public with me.
I know that when a person you are dating doesn’t honour you in public, it is clear where you stand with them. They don’t love you. A partner who’s into you will proudly show you off as his or her date. There’s no difference between their private and public life. They think you are special. They are proud to be with you.
From his actions, it became evident that he doesn’t want people to know he was dating me and it made me begin to doubt myself. We broke up afterwards. I don’t want to be with someone who is not proud to show me to the world.
Priscilla: I didn’t know anything about his personal life
I was dating someone who was so secretive that I didn’t know what he did for a living. When he wasn’t with me, I was not really sure of what he was doing, who he was with, or how he spends his time. Personal information about the day-to-day events of his life was minimal. To me, when little is known about your partner, you cannot feel fully connected to him. When you are not let into their private world, you are trapped in a relationship that won’t allow you to advance. I had to move on.