Not just once or twice, have I heard discussions centred on marriage regrets and reasons some spouses begin to doubt the decision to go into marital union with one’s partner.
You find men and women who have lived together for many years begin to deeply regret marrying the person they are living with under the same roof. A lot of such people secretly wish they turn back the hand of the clock. The reason is that they have no longer under personality, attitudes and conduct of the spouse, who they were once attracted to because the person suited their taste at the beginning and somehow fitted into lifestyle, had a sense of accomplishment they desired.
With interest in the spouse waning, they begin to wish for a wind that would blow the spouse away. Others wish that something could happen magically to reset their original state at the beginning of the union, and produce an improved version of the spouse. Some spouses who thought they had gotten it right from day one, discover their shock when their partner begins to exhibit character that was not seen at the beginning.
When this happens, regret, psychological pain set in, leaving the person wondering whether they actually courted before going into marriage.
There have been shocking instances either the man or woman would be condemned outright and considered no longer fit to be a husband or wife.
It must not be forgotten that marriage is a union of two people from different backgrounds, who decided to become husband and wife.
No doubt, there will definitely be moments of friction in the relation. It is maturity and right grooming that the spouses navigate the labyrinth which marriage really is, and therefore smooth the rough edges. It is only when misunderstandings become tough and irreconcilable, that is when regrets, separation and divorce come into the discourse.
It is somehow funny that some married men would meet ladies and these words tumble out of their mouth: “If I had met you earlier in life, you would have been the one.” This is laughable, because I wonder what could be the parameter the man would used to know whether the lady would behave better? How sure are you that the new wine might taste better than the old wine? Come to think of it, how many women would a man meet in the course of his rising to stardom and how many would be qualified to be the chosen one? The same question applies to the women. Like men, women also wish the hand of clock could turn back. A simple survey conducted on Facebook asked women: ‘If there is re-incarnation, would you marry your present spouse?
Going through the responses in the comments section was eye-opening. One easily feel the heavy hearts of women who commented. It became obvious that women earnestly desire fundamental change, and wish they could make a better and wiser choice of a life partner, especially those who were betrothed through arranged marriage as settlement or used to maintain certain relationships. Some parents are so good at bringing their children together in marriage thinking that it would all work out.
When Kenneth and Pamela met as young graduates at the NYSC orientation camp. Two years after youth service, they decided to marry. In the excitement of planning the traditional marriage and church wedding, they did take note of some salient differences in their individual personalities which somehow were not blending in the two typical sense that two shall become one.
Not long after the excitement of marrying, Kenneth began to complain loudly. He said: “Pam’s personality changed dramatically from the person I dated; honestly, I never would have dated the person she became after our wedding. Then, her father died and she never recovered after his death, despite best efforts to get her psychological therapy. She gained weight and simply stopped caring for our only daughter, Nora. That was a major problem. This problem lingered until divorce became the only way for me because I lwas living with a lazy, extremely needy roommate and we lived two completely separate lives.”
On his part, Michael Smith said outright: “I regret that I married the wrong woman. I was too immature, naive and too eager and that was why I made the wrong choice of a woman at the time. I just realized that nothing makes her happy. Even when I bought a house in the heart of the city, it did not change her mood. The wife of my younger brother, Vin Smith celebrated with glitz and glamour and prayed for her husband when he completed their 3-bedroom bungalow in the village.”
What about Oladapo Adebayo who shared: “One of the greatest mistakes I made in life was to have moved into my wife’s apartment, which her father gave us as a wedding gift. I felt the relationship would be as sweet as that day we all dressed up, looked glam and walked down the aisle until I heard her say one day, ‘Don’t forget this is my house. ‘ This was apart from the lies she told me about her son from an estranged relationship, who she always referred to as her youngest brother. I broke down in tears and regretted ever knowing her and her family. Her definition of our family puts her mother at the head of the table while mine is not recognised by her
In the same way, very poor conduct of Arthur Samuel made the wife regret her marrying him. Their quick marriage was promoted by the fact that Betty’s younger sisters were all married. Then she discovered Arthur never loved her. “He married me because he thought he would develop love and feelings for me as time goes on, but it was not to be. Can you imagine that my husband would ask me to kneel down and he draw his belt to flog me, a wife he had shared intimacy with, to make babies. It was simply outrageous.”
Anulika Ojiogh, a dentist says she is in a deep turmoil because Andrew, her husband of 17 years who is a civil servant does not appreciate her at all. “I took his calm nature for granted not knowing it was wrong to stay quiet. He prefers women outside our home and talks down on me at the slightest opportunity. Again, my husband is always comparing me with other women he finds around him. If I gain or lose weight, he complains, nothing about me is acceptable to him and that makes me very uncomfortable around him. A certain day, he told me: “With your dressing, I might find it difficult to go out with you.”
Point of correction, many spouses who remarried still miss their ex so badly, and they try to compare former husband or wife with the present partner. And that’s when confusion reigns supreme in the relationship. Any man who thinks an ex-wife is worthy, why didn’t he take the bold step to reunite with her? Did she turn you down when you took the step? Men and women who are genuinely in love, then take a bold step and follow your heart. It is criminality for a spouse to live with his or her present partner, yet miss his or her ex. It is pure rubbish! “I have heard a woman cry and long for her ex-husband who dumped her and moved on with another woman because the ex was really good in the Other Room while the new husband was still in Form One in marital intimacy business. So, for her to be happy, she wants the current husband to deliver peak performance like her ex.
Now, that is nonsense! Women, wake up and smell the coffee. For the fact that you were dumped for another woman is the more reason you should dump him five times. Treat him as nobody and move with your life. Teach the new husband how to improve on his bedroom ability. Take a refresher course, to learn how you attain other life accomplishments like getting a higher degree, better jobs and engage in hard work that will bring life’s fulfillment and happiness. After several years, when he sees you, he will be the one to regret not walking down the aisle with you.
But then, a man who has crowned a woman with marriage and good behavior deserves the best treatment and approach. All regrets would disappear if people conduct themselves very well, communicate, forgive and be responsible. Above all, marriage is an institution ordained by God When it is committed into the hand of God, it looks very easy and simple.