Wait, wait, wait! Can we, for a moment, stop all these chatting (on smart phones – Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp?) and laughing (while reading Laughter Line column?), please. Let’s get serious, for once. Someone just asked me the way to Yari’s reception (recession?) venue.
He said he overheard or read him saying that there will be reception (recession?) or something like that somewhere for all Nigerians, to be organized by the All Progressives Congress (APC) party, starting from the middle of next year, 2020, to the middle of 2021. So? He wanted to know the venue. He said he is interested because, from the look of things, hunger go wire people sotay dem go begin eat from dustbin, contrary to the late Umaru Dikko’s remark, in the National Party of Nigeria (NPN) heyday, that he cannot see people eating from dustbin.
The man, (or, is it woman?), who asked the question pleaded earnestly with me to help him find out from Abdulaziz Yari, Governor of Zamfara State as well as Chairman of the Nigerian Governors Forum who was rumoured to have said something to that effect – about reception (at the induction of new and returning governors), on Monday, where the event (the reception of a thing, that is) will take place.
He said if truly there is going to be reception where Item 7 will prominently feature as it’s always the case at parties, he wouldn’t mind going to buy Vita, Vono, Royal, Mouka, Sara, Bode, Arco, Climax, Dunpillo or Hara foam and mosquito nets and go to sleep at the venue, so that he can be served morning, afternoon and evening food, until the reception is over, just as Yari said, from the middle of next year to 2021.
He added that if, indeed, there is going to be reception, what type of dishes or cuisines will be on offer: Nkwobi? Ogufe? Isi ewu? Smoked skin goat meat? Jollof rice? Oxtail pepper soup? Will it be Nigerian cuisines like coconut rice, fried rice, pate, ofada, tuwo masara, tuwon shinkafa, funkaso, mosa, iyan, amala, asaro, ikokore, eba, fufu, lafun, sinasir, alkubus, ogi/akamu, ewa aganyin, cxmoin moin, ekuru, kiyaru batonu, okpa, dodo, all through or are we expecting continental dishes at what promises to be an all-time, once-in-a-lifetime buffet?
He said I should find out from Governor Yari, what type of meat, soup and stew, will be served at the reception: suya, tsire, kilishi, balangu, ofe akwu, miyan kuka, miyan yakuwa, ayamase, ewedu, gbegiri, edikaikong, pepper soup, afang, corn soup, draw soup, atama soup, efo riro, efo elegusi, egusi soup, miyan taushe, maafe, rice stew, white soup, ogbono soup, bitter leaf, ofada stew, groundnut soup, oha (ora) soup, edo esan, ofe Owerri and achara soup?
He would also want me to find out whether there will be snacks like chin chin, puff puff, akara, alkaki, kuli-kuli, kokoro, meat pie, wara, plantain chips, dun dun, ojojo. And, will there be drinks to wash down the food, drinks like zobo, burukutu, kunu, fura da nono, palm wine, okpokiri, ogogoro, Sapele water, soya bin drink, monkey tail, beer, champagne, Chapman, etc?
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, how do you answer this type of question? How do you answer a man or a woman who does not know the difference between reception and recession? Do you direct him to Yari to go and find the answers to his questions himself or do you see what you can do to make him understand the difference between the two homophonic words? Imagine my dilemma.
What annoyed me the most is not that the fellow does not understand simple English, cannot differentiate between the two English words, but, as if to add salt (insult?) to the injury, he followed up his question by asking me to carry a message to Yari: that, at the reception (recession?), which venue is yet to be publicly announced, he would want to be served with nkwobi and other Nigerian delicacies, and not continental dishes.
Arrant nonsense! It appears this guy does not know what is coming his way o! If he likes let him go and drink the most effective laxative in preparation for Yari’s reception (?), the truth is, if his remarks are anything to go by, there will be nothing like Nigerian dishes or cuisines, let alone continental. In fact, he should thank his God if he is able to see garri to smoke with groundnut.
So? Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, I come in this article to show our patriot the way to Yari’s recession venue. Are you ready? It is located on No. 1 Hunger Street, Anywhere in Nigeria. Shebi, I don show una the way to Yari’s reception (recession?) venue? Or, I no try?
Note: reactions are welcomed from readers: For SMS, use 08111813046; for WhatsApp message, use 08034041645; for email, send to: [email protected]
Why I want to be first student at MBU
Aisha Buhari’s proposed plan to build a university to be named after her husband is a good idea as long as the school fees are made affordable to poor people.
Chika Nnorom, Umukabia, 2348062887535
Proofs that I come from Cameroon
I am from Cameroon and find your write-up on the above topic not only interesting but also thought-provoking. I was highly impressed with the way you tried to find an Igbo language equivalent for every place you mentioned in my country. Please, keep it up.