They said someoneMaced (messed?) at the Senate. Who? Omo Mushin? Omo Yaba? Omo Ikeja? Omo Oyingbo? Omo Alimosho? Omo Agege? Omo Ojota? Omo Epe? Omo Ikorodu? Omo Onipanu? Omo Owerri? Omo Mbaise? Omo Okigwe? Omo Daura? Omo Nsukka? Omo Delta, Omo Kaduna? Omo Ibadan? Omo Ilorin? Omo Umuahia? Omo Olosi? Whichever Omo that messed, he will need to pada (Yoruba word for “repent,” apologies to Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke who often say that whenever he is preaching in Yorubaland).
For those who don’t know, Omo, in Yoruba, means, “Son/child/scion of.” I don’t know though what it means in other languages like Bini/Edo, Esan, Itsekiri, Urhobo etc. In Igbo, “Omo” means “Nwa.” But, please, let nobody confuse Omo with OMO detergent. The two are not the same in meaning nor do they sound the same in pronunciation. But that should not bother us at this point. All we need to say is that whoever messed(Maced?) in the Senate, whoever painted it black, must repaint the scene (or repent from the sin).
As you know very well, “mess” is an English expression which means, among other interpretations, (a)“a situation in which a place looks very untidy or dirty, with things spread/scattered all round” (b) “a situation in which there are a lot of problems and difficulties, especially as a result of mistakes or carelessness” (c) mess around with/mess about with – to have a sexual relationship with someone that you should not have a sexual relationship with (courtesy: Longman Dictionary of Contemporary English).
But when a Nigerian uses mess in Pidgin English sense, it means to fart or foul the air. So? I ask again: who messed at the Senate? They said some people messed or carried away the “Mess” which is supposed to belong to Senate. Now, why would anyone, for goodness’ sake, carry away the Senate “Mess”? I thought the right thing to do would have been to leave the “Mess” alone and continue to sleep your way through discussions and debates over Bills. I ask: why go to wake up some sleeping lawmakers?
They accused one Omo of mobilising some thugs (of war?), with or without mobillisation fee, to invade the hallowed chamber of the Senate to go mess(Mace?) up the air during the plenary session (He has since denied the allegation). And, the mess was so overpowering like the nerve agent they said the Russians used against two of their own citizens in Salisbury, in Britain, that the Sergeant-At-Arms was temporarily knocked out. I wish him “speedy recover” (apologies to one of our great musicians of yesteryear).
And, that was how the t(h)ugs-of-war (woe?) became t(h)ugs-of-Mace (Mess?). Believe it or not, our former Vice President, Atiku Abubakar, is not the only one that is shocked and outraged. I am also. But take this from me. Since the accused has denied the allegation, whoevermessed in the Red Chamber will see the red eye of the Red Chamber. Yours may be tit for tat or tooth for tooth. Ours is red for red. Beat it if you can.
You mean you didn’t see anywhere to mess except inside the Red Chamber? Your own is finished, I can assure you. And, by messing, you threw our Upper Chamber into a mess as everyone ran helter-skelter. I even learnt that one of our honourable (?) lawmakers was so confused that he ran into an SUV belonging to one of the thugs. He reportedly mistook it for his own. He only realized his mistake when that one entered the four-wheel drive, pushed him out of the driver’s seat and drove off with him. But we thank our good God that the drama ended as soon as both realized their mistakes. Otherwise, we would have left the issue of mess by now and be talking about kidnapping and some hefty amount of ransom.
They said the mess started smelling when other members of the Red Chamber decided to change the order (udder?) of 2019 elections – the only change that the “change sloganeers” are not comfortable with. To counter the move, our Omo guy decided to resist it although he is not known to belong to any resistance movement in Delta Central or Delta “Left” or Delta “Right”. Or, even in Red or Blue Chamber. But to show that the Omo has no monopoly of power-play, the Big Boys handed him down a 90-days suspension to go and koolu temper with (a la Lagbaja) somewhere until the storm is over.
Then someone yet-to-be-identified vexed and mobilized own Big Boys to continue with the mess because, you see, if you mess me up and I mess you up, gutsno go vex. But, with everybody messing up the air and the atmosphere around the National Assembly, soon everywhere began to smell of “Mess” (Mace?). It was in the midst of that confusion that someone carried away the symbol of authority, which our gallant Police officers and men are said to have found under a flyover somewhere near the City Gate, Abuja.
Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, this one calls for a big celebration although we are yet to fully recover from the “mess.” Why they (thugs-of-war), should choose the month of April, instead of May, to perpetrate this mayhem, this “mess”, beats me. But wait o, someone just whispered in my ears that it is “Mace,” not “mess.”
So, it is Mace that everybody is talking about? Tell me something. Do you know that I did not know that until now? But come to think of it, Mace and mess, what’s the difference? In case you don’t know, mess, as used in Nigerian Pidgin English sense, is also a symbol of power and authority. And, if you want to argue this point, try messing anytime you find yourself among good and self-respecting people and see if anybody will want to come near you. That’s some power and authority, folks.