Sister Ijeamaka Nnite, one of my regular readers and critics, has written good articles under my column. Let us read her:
“Sister, how are you? It’s been a long time. Anya… [Eye]”
“Same about you.”
“You’re looking great.”
“Na God ooo.”
“Do you people still live in Auchi?”
“No. No. No. We left Auchi some years ago.”
“Wow! Where do you live now?”
“Port Harcourt.”
“Port Harcourt?”
“Yes, my dear.”
She sighed.
“Why do you sigh?” The lady asked, “Is anything wrong with Port Harcourt?”
“Well, yes and no. You see, I hear that Ebola is there and that it wiped out a family of doctors, nurses, and housemaids.”
“Ebola is not your portion,” a relative sitting close-by, cut in. “By the grace of God it’s not your portion, be careful. In short, you should come home and stay till it leaves town.”
“Where next? Mmadu tolu ato [Imagine 27, people]. We are helpless before these visiting demons. May God save us.”
“Thank you all for showing concern, but if I may ask, whose portion is it?”
“The devil’s,” they all echoed.
At the funeral ceremony of Nkoli in Umuoji, by the Anglican Communion, the officiating minister, Rev. Ubosi Okeke, started his message with: “These Pentecostal people piss me off. You know why? When they have headache, they shout ‘it is not my portion’. When they are hungry, they say, ‘it is not my portion’. When they are diagnosed of cancer, they yell and scream, ‘It is not my portion’”.
Then he suddenly stopped speaking and looked at the audience. “This woman was hit and killed by a drunk driver. The question I’m asking all of you, who are gathered here, is, ‘Was this her portion?’”. Silence! People spoke in low tones. Then the minister raised his voice, “Is it her portion to die in this way? Was the cross our Lord’s portion?” He continued, “Was such humiliating death His portion? Think about it, if our Lord ever said that the cross was not His portion. Had He said that death was not His portion, would we have had a Saviour?”
“NO!” was the loud response by the congregation.
“Would our sins have been forgiven?” He went on.
“No!” The audience chorused.
“So, my brethren,” he concluded, “be patient when you are passing through a problem. Bear patiently, the cross He has given us to bear”.
Six months later, a friend brought me an invitation card to her daughter’s traditional wedding ceremony.
“Congratulations,” I said.
“Don’t congratulate me,” she said.
“Why?” I asked her.
“You see, the family she is getting married into is jinxed”.
“How?” I asked her.
“They die young. Their wives do not produce male children. Their sisters are all widows,” she whispered into my ears.
“And your daughter insists on marrying from there?”
“Yes oo. According to her, it is not her portion. It doesn’t concern her”.
“Well, if she says so, let it be.”
“I have let her be, but if my dad was alive, he won’t allow it. Can you imagine, those people are under a curse and this explains why all their sisters and aunts are widows”.
“Don’t worry so much. Her case may be different, because she is a Christian”.
“Christian my foot! Are those people not Christians as well?” She then narrated a discussion between a Christian and his doctor.
“I won’t hesitate to tell you that your biopsy is not good,” the doctor told Pastor Douglas. “You have cancer – Prostate”.
“What?” He shouted, turning and looking at his wife, who was sitting by his side.
“It’s not your portion honey, let’s go. The doctor doesn’t know how to read results”.
“For what? Me cancer? No! No! No! It’s not my portion! Back to sender! Holy Ghost fire! The devil is a liar,” the Pastor shouted.
“Whose portion then?” One may ask.
In a nearby village, the following discussion took place.
“Papa, I’m posted toKano for my National Youth Service,” a youth informed his dad.
“Who posted you? You are not going there. Period! You want to be killed like Chinyere? You heard her story, how those insurgents raided her lodge and set the corpers ablaze”.
“Papa, it’s not my portion.”
“Whose, it is?”
“Chinyere’s.”
“Call your mother for me,” he told her and as soon as his wife came, he said, “Listen woman, your daughter is not going to Kano. She should better do something about her posting or get exemption letter.”
“Mbanu, nna anyi [No, our Daddy], Kano is not bad, rice, beans, dry meat, dry fish, tatashe and other dry food stuff are cheap there. We’ll give her money so she will be sending them down by waybill,” she replied.
“Can you hear yourself? So, because of rice and beans, you want your daughter to die?”
“Who said that? No! It’s not her portion. She will go and come back safely. We will be praying for her.”
“Just for her? Pray for the whole people living in Kano. Yes, for the entire north. It’s not your portion…. you delude yourself with that fallacy.”
“Nna anyi, onye kwe, Chi ya ekwe.” [Oga, if a man agrees in something, his God will also agree.”
“Is that so? Haven’t you seen onye kwe ma chi ya ekwero [Man proposes but God disposes] huh?”
“Papa, there’s no time. I’m travelling next tomorrow oo. Give me money to go to Ariaria and buy some of my stuff.”
“Get out from my presence first.”
By Ijeamaka Nnite; 0806 411 8981