For many couples who break up, it isn’t some major event, some huge breach of trust or some tragedy that makes it happen. Not all breakups are messy.
In most cases, the couples simply drift apart. They don’t see it coming. These couples don’t notice how bad things have gotten in their relationships. They are so busy trying to make ends meet or busy pursuing their individual goals that they forget to work on their relationships with their partners.
If you ask some couples after they break up with their partners what happened, they can’t really tell you exactly when or how it happened, but they wake up one day and realize they no longer feel loved, wanted and connected to their partners.
They no longer feel that magical emotion you feel with one person you want to spend your whole life with. It’s just gone. The sad thing about couples drifting apart is that most of the time, it was within their control to stop the drift from happening but they just didn’t take note on time.
Life has a way of distracting people. It has a way of convincing people that some other things are more important than their relationships or marriages. In the long run, people lose sight of what’s important because they feel their partners will always be there when they are done with whatever they are paying more attention to.
But often, life is lying and it’s up to couples who want to enjoy good relationships to see that. It is up to couples who want to stay committed to their relationships to note some of the ways couples drift apart and avoid such from happening to them.
You stop catching up. Life can keep you and your partner busy with the daily hustle and bustle of trying to keep your family afloat. You and your partner may stop catching up because you are too busy to talk and share ideas after a hard day’s job.
Sometimes, telling your partner about how hectic or bad your day was forces you to relive all of the emotions you already suffered that day and you may not want that. So when your partner asks about your day, you say nothing much happened because you just want to eat and sleep.
You can either relive the emotions of telling your partner about your fight with your colleague or your business partner or suffer declining emotions in your relationship. When your partner knows what you went through, he or she is more in touch with what’s happening in your life and they can help you feel better. They can ask you for updates about it the next day.
You will actually find you feel better after venting to your partner about your bad day instead of keeping everything in or venting your frustrations on your partner. If couples don’t create time to talk, they will stop having any clue about what is happening in one another’s lives.
Do you over-prioritize your career or business? You and your partner may be drifting apart because of this. You work so hard that you neglect your partner. When they complain, you remind them how hard you have worked to the place you are now and even accuse them of being envious of your progress. You need to slow down.
It’s common for couples to accidentally go months without a good date night. This is very important in relationships. Men and women shouldn’t stop dating their spouses. This is how to keep the flame of love burning.
Men, don’t say that you can’t go on date nights with your wife because she has four children and she looks old. Who made her look old in the first place? Why do you think it is right to take your side chicks to dates but not your wife? Stop destroying your marriage with your hands.
Take time to schedule date nights with your partner. It should be a night devoted to just the two of you to talk, play, kiss and catch up on lost time. Yeah, don’t forget the sex too. That should crown the evening. This will strengthen your relationship with your partner.
If you stop taking vacations as a couple, you might start drifting apart. If you have been married for a long time, you may feel there is no need for vacations. You just think, “We see each other all the time! We don’t need to spend the money to go to a hotel to be together.”
But time in your apartment, when all you talk about are bills, provisions, food, school fees, light bills, hospital bills and other responsibilities, is not the same as time in a hotel or a beautiful, quiet and cool resort.
When you get too busy for your partner, you may start drifting apart. You know life can get busy. It can get so busy that the only time you have to spend with your partner in a week is ten minutes in bed in the morning or ten minutes during breakfast. When your relationship comes down to this, watch it! Things are getting bad.
Don’t forget that the beauty of being in a loving relationship is that you get little bursts of affection while you are running around to begin your day. If you start to see snuggling for five minutes as a disruption of your work routine, then you are on the road to drifting apart.
If you would rather not fight with your partner, you both are slowing drifting apart. It’s good if you have learned to let the little things go, but some topics are still worthy of a fight. Some partners just want to get along, and so they keep quiet when their partner does or says something that goes against their core values and beliefs.
If your partner is doing or saying something that you strongly disagree with, it’s worth braving the storm of a fight now to be closer later. When you suppress negative emotions, it doesn’t help you and your partner get along; it drives you apart.
Are you suppressing your own dreams because of your partner or relationship? Is there something you want to go after but you are afraid to pursue it? Are you neglecting your goals and dreams because your partner feels you shouldn’t be free to pursue your dreams?
You should know that you cannot be happy as a couple if you are not happy as an individual. If you have a dream you need to chase, do it for your sake, and the sake of your relationship. That dream may keep you busy but in the end, it will make you a happier person, and a better partner.
If you simply have no interest in your partner’s hobbies and they don’t bother about yours, then something is wrong. You are not the type of person to drag your partner to some event he or she doesn’t’ want to go to because you can always go without them. You and your partner should watch it; this is one of the signs of drifting apart.
Couples should know that being together isn’t about the activity; it’s about spending quality time together. It is about having shared experiences and memories that will keep you close for years.
This will help them fight against drifting apart from one another and ultimately improve their relationships. It is important for men and women to do their best to keep your relationship going. It is worth it in the end.
Re: The importance of maturity in relationships
Dear Kate, your article on the importance of maturity in relationships made my day. The tips therein are antidotes to enduring and lasting relationships. Trust, respect, and sincerity have helped in making my marriage of over 35 years successful. Keep it up and do not mind those talking against you. -Leo Ohakwem, Imo state
Whenever I read your column, I sense your sincerity for educating couples on the need to be fair, loving and just to each other. I also sense your anger towards this society’s imbalance when it comes to giving marriage advice to men and women.
Men are exempted from marriage advice while women are bombarded with different tips on how to make their marriages work. Men need to work on their marriages more these days because they are the ones destroying their marriages because of their brazen irresponsibility. I appreciate your bluntness and straight forward approach to important relations issues. –Olugbenga Adeniyi, Abeokuta
Kate, God bless you for preaching and practicing maturity in your write-ups. All your critics are your real fans because they buy Saturday Sub because of you just to read your opinion for the week. God is your strength. Don’t stop standing for what you believe in which is fair and equal treatment between men and women in relationships. -Asiegbu, E.E. Aba
You are talking about maturity like you are matured when you keep attacking men in your column. You refuse to talk about the evil things women and ladies do to men these days. Are you matured? Do you practice what you preach you daughter of Satan? I hope you will marry all these ladies you are deceiving weekly. Men and women cannot be equal, stop fighting the natural order of things before the punishment of God descends on you. -Obinna, Aba