Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, as you read this, I am carrying with me, in my tuketuke, smoke-pass-smoke bus, all APC senators-elect who are grumbling over the party’s decision to make Senator Ahmad Lawan the son in whom it is well-pleased with, to occupy the position of the Senate President in the 9th National Assembly due to be inaugurated sometime in June,2019.
They are also said not to be happy with the National Leader of the party, Senator Bola Tinubu for saying that whosoever is not happy with Lawan as the party’s choice might as well leave the party (before it is over?). For having the effrontery to say that while the National Assembly eggs are yet to be hatched, the lawmakers are said to be planning to square up with Tinubu anytime soon.
I don’t know how either the party, Tinubu or the aggrieved lawmakers are going to come out of this one. I don’t know who is going to take the Appian Way on the matter and come out smelling like a pig. But one thing I know is that Oga Tinubu is a long-time fighter who does not flinch from taking on anybody, any day, any time. In fact, I learnt that it was owing to constant squaring up with him by practically anybody who is suffering from political stomach ache or rumbling, anybody – governors o (a la Amosun and Ambode), lawmakers o, law breakers o, law menders o, law stealers o, law repairers o, law whatever o – that it is because of this constant squaring up with Tinubu that the powers that be thought it wise to create the Tinubu Square in Lagos. I don’t know if I am correct in my summation, I would want to hazard a guess on this: if you are in the habit of squaring up with a National Leader like Tinubu, the one-man riot squad, the Jagaban of all Jagabans, at least you should have a convenient venue where you can do the roforofo fight that usually go with it. I don’t know how true this is but someone just whispered that in my ear.
For now, I don’t care to know who the fellow is, but when I care, I will know. Anyway, that’s a story for another day. On the decision of the party to choose Lawan as the one to lead the Senate in the next National Assembly regime, according to a news report carried by ThisDay, a senator-elect from the North-Central was said to have complained thus: “As we speak, the party leaders have not deemed it fit to call all APC senators-elect to a meeting only for us to be told publicly by Oshiomhole that Senator Lawan is the party’s choice as next Senate President.” Then he vowed: “We will do everything possible to resist imposition of any leadership on the next federal parliament. ”Another senator-elect also from North- Central Zone affirmed that the imposition of Lawan on others will not fly. “We are ready to take on the party leadership on the matter and ensure that all stakeholders are carried along,” he said. From these statements, you can deduce that the reason the senators-elect are kicking against the party and crying foul (fowl?) over spilt milk is that they were not carried “along.” As a staunch member of the Palm Wine Drinkerds Club, otherwise known as the Kegites, we are always “carried.” And, if these honourable (?) lawmakers, do not join our party of drinkers, how do they hope to be “carried along”? This is why I am using this column to earnestly beg them to register as members, the only problem though is many times a lot of what we drinkers say don’t make sense and the ones that do make sense are always left unsaid. In their own interest, if they hope to be carried along they had better join the Palm Wine Drinkerds Club, and I promise them that they will never lack what to eat or drink. ’ Wo, if you an APC member of the 9th National Assembly, you are carried! May your years be longer than your shadow. I say may you live to be older than Methuselah. I say may you live longer than Duracell alkaline battery. Brothers and Sisters in Crisis, those are the wordings of the prayers that I said on behalf of the lawmakers but they only thanked me for the prayers but refused to shift ground on their complaint. “Wetin dat one mean?”, one of them asked me. “Do you, by that prayer, mean to say we should no longer be carried along when the party is taking a decision that concerns all of us?” “I don’t mean so, Sir,” I reassured him. “Whether you accept my prayersfor you or not, what will be will be.
So, I couldn’t have said the prayers in order to make you abandon the fight for your right.” “Thanks for your magnanimity,” he said. “Mr. Journalist, please, tell the party to carry us along in every decision it takes. The party does not belong to only one man; it is for all of us.” “Really? How about this talk of not belonging to anyone, on one hand and belonging to everybody, on the other hand?” “That is not what I mean. That is an individual. I am talking of the party. We should not run it like a one-man show. We should be carried along.” It was based on that, brothers and sisters, that I swooped on all those who were complaining about the party’s rooting for Lawan and put them in my smoking bus. They asked me where we were going. I asked them to wait and see.
Those of them who are supporting Senator Ndume asked if I was taking them to Lawan for some punishment. I said, no but that they should wait and see. “Since all of you are complaining of not being taken along by your party,” I said, “I am taking you to Ikeja Along Bus Stop in Lagos, because as my people would say if you are headed to Onitsha and could not make it but you are able to arrive Onuocha’s place in the course of your journey, you’ve already arrived Onitsha because Onitsha and Onuocha sound alike. Ladies and gentlemen that’s why I dropped the distinguished but disgruntled APC senators at Ikeja Along Bus Stop. I want them to be carried along, party or no party, Senate President or no Senate President. Or, isn’t what they mean by being carried along? Someone, please, talk to me!